I wanted to post last night but my mom's doctor was running way behind and after we saw him we had to go to the lab and pick up some drugs at the pharmacy so by the time we got home I had to make dinner for all the dogs,make dinner for my dad, myself and yes I got my mom to eat a little pork chop and some yams
. Then I had to clean it all up decided I was too tired to make the drive back home and too tired to post anything. I came home this morning and work tonight.
My mom's CT does show progression in the liver mets both in size and number but so far there is no ascites ( fluid) or liver enlargement. There is a lesion in her lower spine but she does not have pain there so we do not know what it is but she has had some shoulder pain and rib pain so will get a bone scan to see if it is cancer and if it is some radiation to help control pain. Her lung remains stable with no cancer but she does have a very small pleural effusion and a small pericardial effusion . They could be from the Taxotere as it can cause such problems. The doctor said both are small and not really an issue at this time.
My mom told the doctor NO more chemo. He was shocked by this and shocked that she has been feeling as bad as she has until we started talking more. I told him she has not been eating ( her weight went from 114 lbs to 106 in 4 weeks) . He like I think alot of how she feels is the fact she is not eating thus starving herself to death. He offered her two different appetite stimulants and she said no to both! Stubborn old girl. I told him she feels bloated and since there is no ascites he thinks it may be her digestive system has slowed down from all the chemo so we were finally able to talk her into trying a drug to speed it up thinking if she does not feel bloated she may eat better and get more energy and have some quality time left. He told her cancer or no cancer if one does not eat one has no energy! ( I did get her to eat some dinner last night after taking the pill and she ate a big bowl of cereal and a bannana for breakfast before I left for home so I am keeping my fingers crossed that this helps.)
Hospice is suppose to call her this week. I think her doctor did not want to see her giving up as he had gotten so use to her being a fighter. In an amazing gesture he did offer her one more chemo Navelbine ( she said NO) and he did offer to put her back on one of the previous chemo's and try avastin with it. He said he would not push it as he still feels the risk of a bleed is too high at her age but that he would offer it if she wanted it.
Hello, if you recall I argued for avastin in the past and he refused and told me it would break his vow as a doctor to give it her if it harmed her! What a turn about but a little too late, but as I said I think he wants to see her not give up yet. She has made up her mind as she told him the quality of her life is no way to live. I personally think she was planning to just starve herself to death and pray we have changed her mind on that plan.
I am debating as to when I should put in for a family leave from work.I think I will wait and see how she is next week when I go down as I do have 11 days off work starting next Monday as for a long time I had been planning my yearly trip up north to a big halloween party a friend has but now I will spend it at my moms. I am hoping to meet the hospice team as maybe they can give me advice about when to take the leave from work.
Before I say goodbye I want to stress to those of you reading this to Please listen to your bodies.If you feel there is something wrong please get it checked out even if you have to change doctors to find one that will check it out. I feel alot of anger and what if's towards the doctors who my mom saw for the 4 years between her shortness of breath clean CT and the pleural effussion that lead to finding the cancer. If you recall over that 4 year period my mom kept going back with new complaints (which is not like her) things like sweats, fatigue and that 40 lbs weight loss! ( she only weighed 144 lbs so that was a huge loss). I feel angery that the doctor did not seem to see any of that as serious enough to find a reason. The what IF comes in as what if only a few months or maybe even weeks earlier they had ordered a CT and found the cancer and it had not spread to her liver yet? The fact that the Tarceva did away with the lung tumor and it has not come back makes me think if we had gotten to it before it spread to the liver, the Tarceva would have done what it did and since we had no liver mets she would still be stable and still be on Tarceva as we would be assuming since the lung tumor was gone and has not returned that it was still working. Instead we are calling hospice!
I know I need to drop the what if as what if's only serve to hurt us but I don't know how to drop it as it is in that constant tape in my head so if nothing else maybe it can serve to help someone else by them making sure their doctor does not just dismiss them when they feel something is wrong. If it saves even one person from going through this it will have served some purpose besides driving me crazy. Better run and I have things to do. God bless all who read this. Hugs JanMarie