rockie

Dear friends, this week has been long and hard on our family. Bud had a stroke Monday night between midnight and 4 AM Tuesday. I called the hospice people and family right away since I thought initially he had an "episode". He became combative and I thought he would hit me with his cane, but worst of all was his total confusion and idea that I was trying to poison him with the Ativon ...and wanted to call 911 on me. Luckily, as I finally directed him to the bedroom from the livingroom where he had fallen asleep, he sat for a bit while I was on the phone. I went back in knowing or hoping that after a few minutes lapsed, he would not remember what had taken place, and that turned out to be true. I walked in there, and said "soo...there you are! I wondered where you had gone to...can't turn my back on you for a minute...did you get here by yourself?" to which he said proudly...yes. LOL....I thought he was low on O2 and that was that. Turned out he had a stroke. His speech is slurred now, his left eye, nostril and lip frozen, his left arm unable to grasp.
As the week progressed with such a large number of family members.... (remind me to talk about that later)...it became evident that his time was progressing. We were given 24 hrs on Tue, and here is Fri and Bud is still with us, but barely. He is severly jaundiced, his O2 concentration is at 64 with 6 liters pumping, his abilily to respond very impaired or lacking....
Yes, time is near, but his body (despite what his mind and spirit are wanting) is in survival mode...must be the Marine in him. Now, we are told...who knows could be hours, could be days. But not weeks. So, I started my bedside vigil on Tue and it continues. This treadmill is for the birds. Poor Bud is now reduced to wearing diapers for adults and he drools. He cannot even drink much less eat. As I wait for the angels to come and take him home, I have to wonder where the "mercy" part of our Lord comes into play. But, after chasing everyone off tonight, including the out of town guests, we have been alone and I tried to have as normal an evening as possible, but...

To all of you that have people newly diagnosed with this monster, love them, make memories, be strong, and try to find consolation in the fact that others have walked your path before. We are here for you. I will write again in the next few days, and as I fear, it will probably be after his passing.

God love us and help us all. Love, healing, peace, prayers and lots of peace...

Jan