Question for Conan - Cancer: Lung Message Board

Kimslos · 11-04-2006, 10:04 PM

Hi-
I read your posting you had written to someone else and tried to pull up your posts to see what type of lung cancer your wife has and her situation and for some reason cannot pull it up.
Anyway, I wanted you to know my thoughts and prayers are with you. My husband and I remark that it is tough enough raising kids and then throwing cancer into the equation really makes it tough! We see many elderly people at the doctor's office with cancer and they remark how young my husband is and are always so sweet and concerned.
You take care of yourself and hope you have a beautiful weekend.
Kim

conan1017 · 11-06-2006, 06:15 AM

Kim-

My wife never smoked, she was diagnosed stage IV NSCLC back in the first week of August. Her left lung collapsed due to an obstructive tumor. To the best of our knowledge she has 2 liver mest, a small tumor in her right lung and i in the bone (head).

We have 4 children from previous marriages, 20, 18, 16 (hers) 16 (mine). Then we have 3 of our own, 7, 5 and 2. My oldest step-daughter has stayed home from college to help us with the liitle ones. Nevertheless, everyday is a battle. I struggle with alot things personally. I am surrounded by alot of caring/well-meaning people, but no one understands really. It is a lonley difficult road -that is why I come here. However, I usually avoid posting on bad days.

I never imagined I could be in this situation -but like you said, raising children is enough a cahallenge in itself. I guess now I just have to work harder and wiser that before.

How about you? How are you and your husband handling it?

conan

Kimslos · 11-06-2006, 09:25 AM

Conan,
Wow, you do have your hands full and you should come here on your bad days. I honestly come here when Stan sleeps, even though I know I have "stuff" to be done. The board has helped me tons, but know it won't solve any of my problems, but at least it is a place I can come to where sad as it is everyone is in the same boat and can relate. I have dear friends, but if they have not experienced what our family is going thru it is hard for them to understand. I don't have any relatives who live remotely close, except for a raging mother-in-law.
I am sorry you are going thru this and I know you probably go thru in your head what did your wife and you do to deserve this and how unfair for the children. You even have younger children than I do and how heartbreaking! I do it all at our house, Stan cannot deal with any of it, nor would I expect him to. I get frustrated at times. I think on Friday was tough because I needed to do some stuff here at home and then our business called and they needed me to come in for 5 hours. I then realized while at the office that Stan did not have any lunch at home, so then had to run home to feed him...gets challenging to say the least. The pressure gets to me and you must find some kind of release. (have you found one?) Mine is the gym, but lately it has been harder to go because of doctor appt.s and lack of sleep.
I never thought I would have my husband home with my 24/7 for the last 17 months. We have gotten closer spending so much time together. We can still laugh and do everyday, but then we also cry too. Our oldest will be graduating in June and have discussed with him to stay closer to home to go to College. We live in Irvine, CA so we are surrounded by colleges, but would hate to see him go away and not be around for dad. He understands, but what a huge sacrifice. (just like your step daughter staying home to help care for her mom)
I need to get ready as Stan has a doctor's appt. I do hope your wife has a good day and can enjoy the kids.
You take care of yourself and come vent and scream or share a special or sad moment. I think you are an awesome husband doing it all and maybe one day there will be some light shed on us why your wife was stricken with this terrible disease. I am not sure if you know but my husband has SCLC and never smoked either and it is in his lungs, liver, brain, bones, adrenal, lymph and kidney and abdominal area. (my aunt is in the medical field and read his scans and could not believe how widespread his cancer is and yet gets around on good days)
Hugs to you Conan and your wife,
Kim

conan1017 · 11-06-2006, 08:09 PM

Kim-

While I appreciate this forum and the opportunity to learn and share with others like you, it is also heart wrenching to know that others are having to go through this. However, the strength I hear in you and others is the best source of encouragement I have found. I am so sorry that you, your husband and family are suffering. I am also sorry that you have a raging mother-in-law to contend with.

About two months ago I was ready to send my MIL on a slow boat to China, …but it has gotten better. I don’t think anybody can
understand care giving like another caregiver.

Like you, I stay busy and worn out. I feel like a shadow of myself and really don’t have time for anything recreational (except for at night). The teens help some, but they have part time jobs and school. We all miss Patsy being able to cook, but I ‘m coming along okay (made a decent chicken parmesan over the weekend). What I’d really like to do is play a round of golf or take the kids camping on the beach, but it is so difficult to find slots of time for stuff like that. This Friday some of Patsy’s girlfriends are coming over for a slumber party (her birthday is next week), so I’m gonna take the little ones and probably go to my mother’s in Myrtle Beach for a night.

Patsy isn’t having a good day. I hate this disease because it robs us of so much. We were planning on going to Orlando thanksgiving week to get away from all this, but I had to cancel the reservation fearing Patsy might not be up for it. The best I can hope for now is my MIL will go out of town since my plans have failed.

With that, I’ll rest from my venting and belly-aching for the night.

Since you have me talking, let me ask for your advice. As you know, this disease turns your life upside down. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I get in the mind-set of managing and fighting the problems associated with this wretched disease. Patsy on the other hand does not want to discuss anything critical, so naturally I shoulder pretty much everything. However there are some legal issues that we should address while things are fair, but when I bring it up she gets upset. I just want to take care of these things so they are behind us and I won’t have to think much about it. Do you have any suggestions how I might approach her in the future?

Anyway, thanks for sharing and being a friend. I hope Stan's appoint is encouraging. I do find it comforting to talk and share with others fighting this disease. I hope you have as great week.

conan

mabegb · 11-06-2006, 08:43 PM

conan and kim~ i have been reading your post and i am so impressed with both of you(and all the other caregivers). i am the one with the lung cancer and i know someday my husband is going to be doing what both of you are now. i does seem so unfair. i do really good now but i know at some point that will change. i know he will take care of me because he loves me but i really hate for him to experience what i see everyone else going through.

i know i dont know either of you but would kike to thank you for what you do. it warms my heart to know god puts people like here to help people like me. i want to encourage my husband to come here when the times comes. i know he will be helped. take care and i pray for you both and your spouses.

melissa