The good, the bad the ugly - Cancer: Lung Message Board

Janmarie2 · 11-08-2006, 02:37 PM

I will start with the good. This morning my mom does not appear to be in pain. Tomorrow my oldest sister arrives.

The bad :I think my mom is once again set to prove a doctor wrong and prove the hospice doctor was wrong thinking she has a couple months left. ( if you recall proving her oncologist who told her at her age chemo was probably not worth it and at most would probably only give her a year became the drive behind her fight as she set out to prove him wrong)

The ugly: when I got down here to my mom's yesterday after being home and working all weekend I found her in bed and in intense pain she rated the pain a 9-10 in her shoulder. I got permission to start her on some morphine and after two doses she had no more pain and slept all night. Today she is confused when she is awake and unless the morphine is very slow leaving her system because of Kidney or liver impaiment I feel her kidneys may be shutting down and the toxins are building up in her blood.

When she is awake she looks right past you into the distance which is not a good sign and yes she is sleeping most of the day thou I did have to move her from her bed to the couch as her cat hacked up a huge hairball on the bed during the night.

He spent the night curled up by her.

Conversations with my mom are funny in a real sad way. I think I can have better conversations with my dogs at this point as at least they look at me like they understand some of the words.

My mom is cute as she tries to cover her confusion which is where the funny part comes in and she laughs when you call her on it. Today she is not the person I know as my mom and my heart breaks for that. She may get her wish to die soon as if her kidneys shut down she will not last too long at least most people don't. The fact she is ready and ok with death helps but the thought of her never being in my life again stings.

My dad and I had a big argument this morning as he was going into work and says" I did not feed the dogs" ( which means you feed the dogs) I feel he needs to start doing it as he will be the only one here to do it in the future so he had better start making it his routine. He pitched a fit which is his way of doing things. I feel bad but if I keep doing everything my mom did for him it is not going to help him in the long run. Taking care of the one dog, Henry is alot of work as he has lupus and the stress of what is going on with my mom is causing a flare up of it so my dad has to learn to make sure he gets his meds on time.I feel bad as my dad is 82 but since he wants to try living here alone with the animals he has to be able to show us he can do it as I will not be here all the time like I seem to be now. yup the ugly is that emotions are all running high right now.

Anyway way we are accepting positive thoughts and all the prayers we can get right now. I will keep you all posted. JanMarie

Kimslos · 11-08-2006, 06:40 PM

JanMarie,
Shoot! Your mom sounds like she is shutting down! Oh, I am so sorry and what a terrible feeling you are going thru! What a relief you got the pain under control, but have heard the morphine can make you a little out of it. (makes you wonder) But, as you know working in the medical field as you get closer to death I think all your blood counts get out of whack and I remember my dad's Calcium was extremely high and it is amazing what that can do to the mind! You just never know what is making her say or acting the way she is...so heartbreaking that it is not the way you know your mom. Your reminds me of my Grandma, when she set her mind to her she was gone.
Sorry your dad is being a handful at the same time. It is so overwhelming and even though you work in the medical field I am sure nothing can prepare you for the loss of your mom. I pray you can hang on and still smile with all the beautiful times and talks your mom shared over these years. You know you have done everything to make her life special so you never have to live with any guilt at all...what a wonderful feeling, but at the same time know you will have that void...I am so sorry!
Prayers and Hugs,
Kim

pjoi4 · 11-08-2006, 07:12 PM

JanMarie,

So sorry to hear the news about your mom. As you know my husband and I were inspired by her strong will to fight this monster. He too has taken a turn and is trying with all his might to hold on. His body became immune to the morphine, dilaudid, as well as oxycodone. He now takes methadone for his pain. Before he could not sleep at all since this started. Now he won't quit sleeping. He sleeps all day. His nurse said to let him catch up. He does not need the aid of larazapiem or bendryl. He takes a very long time to urinate and is in a confused state throughout the day. He is slow moving and getting around. Sometimes he sounds great and like himself other times I don't know who he is. I am trying hard to continue to be strong and not scared. The holidays are upon us and I was told that he might not make it. I choose to ignore the statement even though it may prove to be true.

Lots of Prayers sent your way for you, mom and dad.

Renea

Newsome · 11-08-2006, 08:35 PM

I had to smile a little bit about the cat story. Since I've felt ill I've had one my my two cats in here with me at least part time. I don't know why but my cats throw up a lot. And it's hard because I never know which one is doing it!

I can really sympathize with the whole dad thing. Mine is 83 and I've been trying to prepare him in case my test results come out badly. When my mother passed, I just stayed away from him as I was devastated myself. He went a little crazy telling the step-family I had tried to hit him! He had come into my room early one morning and grabbed me and started shaking me awake and I struggled trying to get away from him so I ended up rolling out of bed and onto the floor. That's when he called his family (step family to me) that I had tried to punch him. And they believed him. When we moved out here my step-brother-in-law started reading my journals and somehow thought I was plotting to kill him and his whole family in their sleep! I don't even kill bugs! It was a crazy thing and the step-family has not liked me since and even went so far as to mention they didn't care for my mother either. Aside from my dad, step-family is all there is. It's weird how a traumatic event can make people act nuts like that. It's the last thing you need when you're dealing with your own illness or that of another parent.

I hope things smooth out with you dad. But you're right, he does need to start learning to take over certain duties. Perhaps he's in denial? Or simply too messed up to deal with it. It makes it so hard on you, I know on top of everything else. I'll be sending prayers your way.

Blessings.

conan1017 · 11-08-2006, 08:41 PM

A couple of months ago Patsy was on an extended release morphine which caused her to hallucinate ( she had trouble distinguishing her dreams from reality). At the time while we were in the hospital and it was very disturbing, but some things are kind of funny now. I had to sleep upright in a chair by her bed for a couple of nights because she kept getting up and trying to take off. One night she got up and said "Conan get the kids, were getting out of here." This of course was 2 in the morning and the kids were at home. One morning I woke up about 7 am and Patsy was sitting up putting on make-up. I asked her how she was feeling and she said "Were getting out of this military installation.

" When I explained to her we were at the hospital she said "Well who were those military men you were with and where did you get that scratch on your neck

" ...so once we stopped the morphine, things went back to normal.