A difficult day - Cancer: Lung Message Board

Janmarie2 · 11-13-2006, 06:53 PM

Today was another difficult day. My oldest sister had to leave to go home and it was so hard watching her say good bye to my mom as they both know she may never see her alive again. I took my sister to the airport and decided to skip the freeway home and drive down Pacific Coast Highway as it is a beautiful day and I thought seeing the ocean ( which I miss when I am down here and not at home where I live close to the beach) might cheer me up but it didn't as I think I cried during the whole drive. I passed Hoag Hospital in Newport beach which made me think of Stan and Kim as Stan gets his chemo there and that only made me sadder.Kim has not posted over the weekend which has me worried as I know Stan was having a hard time. Kim and I are so close yet so far being we are both in Orange County right now.

My mom is very lethargic we get her to eat small bites and drink small amounts but so far she has not improved at all so I figure the changes that happen before we die are already starting. It is really difficult to watch.

An elderly neighbor/friend of my mom's stopped by to see her. That was hard too as my mom and her are the only two old women left now in the neighborhood and soon it will just be her. She lost her husband to cancer a few years ago, has no children, and only has a brother that lives in another state. She was so sad seeing my mom that it got my tears flowing yet again.

I have cried so much today! I keep getting e-mails from my coworkers and one of them called this morning. They all want to help in some way but I don't know what to tell them as we are 120 miles apart. But I will tell all of you I do have great coworkers, we are all like family and take care of each other. Most of these people have worked with me 15 -24 years! We all joke how before long we will all be hobbling down the halls at the hospital with our walkers since most of us will be here until death or retirement.Hopefully it is retirement! Though I do not have to tell any of you how it could be the other. I thought I would be enjoying not going to work but now I realize how much those people hold me up when I was going home to work weekends these past two years. I think that is what is the hardest for me no friends nearby to lean on. All my highschool friends left this area over the past 30 yrs since we graduated. I am thankful I have this cyber family to turn to as it is all of you that are holding me up and I thank you. Sharing what I know with you helps too as if I didn't do that I feel my mom's experience would have no value. Funny until now I never considered Lung cancer as having Value but being able to pass info on and help others and hopefully prevent even one death gives it much value.

Tomorrow my other sister comes and she will be here 2 weeks so that will help. My thoughts and prayers to all of you tonight, I can only pray that tomorrow is a better day.

Jan if you are reading this I hope you had a nice time camping and could feel me at that campfire eating somores and drinking wine. You have been on my mind all weekend. (((( HUGS)))

JanMarie

angelmama39 · 11-13-2006, 07:43 PM

Janmarie,

I have tears in my eyes for you. At the same time, I am glad that perhaps your mom will finally go home and be at peace. I am glad that she is suffering no more.

You have been instrumental to this bb. I know for sure you have helped my mother, and thanks to you and all of your info, I have been better prepared and more knowledgable with moms oncologist. Thank you.........

You, your family and mom will be in my prayers.

Please stay here and get all the love and caring you need from all of us.

God Bless you! Your posts are always so enjoyable, and informative.

Angel

Mollyb123 · 11-13-2006, 08:12 PM

I am sorry your day was so sad. Know that there are many many prayers and good thoughts coming to you.

Sometimes we need a day of tears to help us get through. It can be a very healthy thing. None of us can be strong all the time.

I recently posted and you responded and it helped me alot, so thank you, and I hope that knowing I am thinking of you and praying for you and your mom can help you just a little!

You take care of yourself and know that there is always support here and lots and lots of cyber hugs!

Molly

conan1017 · 11-13-2006, 08:36 PM

hi Janmarie-

Even on bad day you manage to be an encouragement to others. You not only bring knowledge and experience to this board, but a tender human spirit.

Some dear firends of mine lost their dad last week and we attended his funeral on Saturday. He was a remarkable man who had been sick for sometime. When the doctors could do no more, he and his family elected to remove the life support and the doctors gave him but a few hours. The kids all could sing (one,my good friend, is the music minister at our church) and spent that time saying their goodbyes and singing songs and hymns. At some point they sang his favorite song (oh, what a savior) and their dad was able to raise his hands in worship, then passed before they finished the song.

What a way to go. He was obviously ready and fear had no place there. From things you have written, it sounds like your mom is ready. I hope and pray that her passing in peaceful, for all of you. I can't help but think of Psalm 23 where the psalmist says "Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me..."

God bless you, your mom and your family as you continue through this difficult time. Thanks again, for being part of this place.

conan

ellengrace · 11-13-2006, 11:44 PM

Janmarie

It hurts to find you in such low spirits; you have been in my thoughts over the weekend, and I had hoped your sister's visit and your having Family Leave would give you some relief; but there's nothing that can alleviate the sadness and heartache when you are watching your Mom fade, is there?
I'm sorry to hear she hasn't improved, and can only offer my prayers.

I understand how hard it must be having no friends nearby. I was in the same position when I was caring for my Mum, eight months of quiet isolation.
Take strength from the thought of the countless people who have taken you to their hearts because of your sharing on this board, the special friends you have made through your exchange of posts, and the co-worker family who clearly must love you.

Your sharing of your knowledge and feelings, and your Mom's journey, is of such great value...like Angel, I feel better informed and better prepared to deal with matters and your thoughtful responses to me, as to so many others, touch the heart.

I am so glad your other sister is going to be with you tomorrow and for the coming weeks, that you'll have her company and support. My prayers are said for you and all your family, but especially for your Mom.