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Cancer: Lung Message Board
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Old 01-13-2007, 06:08 AM   #1
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malai HB User
Just found out mom has lung cancer

Found out last night my mother has lung cancer and I have no idea what to do. What do you do to support her? What can I say to her? What should we expect? Can anyone help because I have no idea what to expect!

 
Old 01-13-2007, 07:28 AM   #2
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Cee10 HB User
Re: Just found out mom has lung cancer

Hello Malai,

You have made the first step by coming on to this forum, there are many good people here who are caring for their loved ones, and I am sure they will be able to guide you.

Your Mom has lung cancer, be there for her, she will be frightened and in a of a state of shock, it's the news we all dread and it's happened. She needs to know how much she is loved. She may also need quite time to think about it all and come to terms with her diagnosis. Respect her wishes.

It's very important to find out what sort of lung cancer she has, and what stage it's at. Tests will reveal this. Until you know this it's impossible to know what to expect.

Read read read as much as possible to learn about your mom's cancer so you can comfort her and help her with questions she may want to ask the doctor. Perhaps go to the Doctor and hospital with her if possible. From your reading you will gain knowledge and be able to ask the doctor questions about your mothers cancer, they are all a little different.

Most important of all is I think to show your mom how much you love her and offer to help and be there for her.
Listen to her, ask her what she wants to do as she gains more information and is given choices and has decisions to make.

Just as important be gentle with yourself you also have had a shock, it will take time to normalise. I am sure the people on here who care for loved ones with cancer will be able to help further. Post here when ever you need to.

God bless you and your Mom.

Cee

Last edited by Cee10; 01-13-2007 at 07:31 AM.

 
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Old 01-13-2007, 07:53 AM   #3
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malai HB User
Re: Just found out mom has lung cancer

She has either Adenocarcinoma or Bronchioalveolar carcinoma. She has never smoked in her life so, when we found out she had lung cancer our first words were "WHAT?" She started with a cough about 2 months ago. The Dr.'s thought she had pneumonia. She wasn't able to cough anything up so they went into her lung to get some of it out to test it. Once in there, they found a growth. They took a sample of it, tested it and came back with Lung cancer. I feel lost. My parents are not answering the phone this morning and I'm not sure if I should give them their space or if I should go over there. I feel like we are all in this together but I'm not sure what I should do right now.

 
Old 01-13-2007, 09:21 AM   #4
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rockie HB User
Re: Just found out mom has lung cancer

Malai, I so very sorry that life brought you to our HB, but we are glad to have you here and will be more than grateful to use some of our own experiences to help you. Until further tests are done to see exactly what type of cancer, small cell vs non small cell, it's hard to map out what the future may hold for your mom as far as treatment options and outlook. Remember this, many many many of our loved ones and patients here were given "time frames" and surpassed the doctors medical opinions. So keep faith that much can and will be done for her. The waiting process is the worst as any here can testify. It about kills you to have to wait first for this, then for that. And, even after treatments begin, you have to wait to see how they work...etc etc etc....
Be strong for her and for yourself. Be good to yourself too and find an outlet for the anxiety and fear that are sure to come along. It's a package deal.

Your mom and dad may be taking time out to reflect upon what has happened. I'm not sure going over there would be a great idea at the moment. Give them some space, and if you still cannot touch base with them after another day or two, then pop on over there and see what you can do to help. Just a thought.....

There are many here that either themselves or their loved one never smoked. That's a real shocker when LC is the dx. JanMarie is awesome to talk to as her mom was one of those, and at 82 was not even being considered for treatment. She showed them all and lived 2.5 yrs with treatment. Talk to JM, she will be of great comfort to you.

I will keep your family in my prayers
Jan

 
Old 01-13-2007, 09:35 AM   #5
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Cee10 HB User
Re: Just found out mom has lung cancer

Malai,
Adenocarcinoma is the type of cancer cell that has caused the growth. Many people who never smoked get this type of cancer. I don't know what the other word really means if you put it in google you will get hits.

Next step is to find out what Stage it's at as this will influence the treatment options available and possibly the prognosis.
(Stage tells you how large and if it has grown anywhere else. There are lots of stages.)

I don't know what time it is there I am in Europe, but maybe they went out or just need a bit of quite time, I would wait til later before calling again and then going over. You must follow your heart - you know your parents. I can tell you are really worried and feel for you. Sorry this is short I have to do something now. Hope you get in touch with them soon.

God Bless
Cee

 
Old 01-13-2007, 09:51 AM   #6
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Kimslos HB UserKimslos HB UserKimslos HB UserKimslos HB User
Re: Just found out mom has lung cancer

Hi Malai,
Sorry to hear about your mom. My husband never smoked either and ended up with Small Cell, which is even rarer to get! We too were in shock and numb and in disbelief so could understand why they did not answer the phone. Is there something special your mom likes...a favorite flower, a favorite meal?
I think Cee and Jan pretty much covered everything I would have said. So...you take care of yourself too and just be there for your parents when they need you. Life is not fair, but we cannot dwell on that and enjoy the beautiful days we have.
Kim

 
Old 01-14-2007, 05:15 AM   #7
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kris114 HB User
Re: Just found out mom has lung cancer

Quote:
Originally Posted by malai View Post
She has either Adenocarcinoma or Bronchioalveolar carcinoma. She has never smoked in her life so, when we found out she had lung cancer our first words were "WHAT?" She started with a cough about 2 months ago. The Dr.'s thought she had pneumonia. She wasn't able to cough anything up so they went into her lung to get some of it out to test it. Once in there, they found a growth. They took a sample of it, tested it and came back with Lung cancer. I feel lost. My parents are not answering the phone this morning and I'm not sure if I should give them their space or if I should go over there. I feel like we are all in this together but I'm not sure what I should do right now.
Hello, I was going through a similar situation as you this time last year. I came to this message board, and did a search on her situation, and learned about various treatment options. I was really confused too, because my mother never smoked a day in her life. But she was diagnosed with advanced Non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC) adenocarcinoma. After seeking a third opinion, her oncologist prescribed Tarceva, which is a drug that is taken orally, rather than chemotherapy which she had difficulty with. From what I have read on various cancer research web sites, Tarceva is found to be helpful to about 10% of lung cancer patients, and research has shown that it is more effective for women and non-smokers. I ordered my mother's medical records, and although it is confusing to read through these reports, you may want to do research on your mother's lung cancer and characteristics. Expect that your mother may not want to talk about this (my mother really didn't want to discuss this either) but it shouldn't hold you back from researching her situation and talking to her doctors. God bless, Kris

 
Old 01-14-2007, 07:38 PM   #8
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conan1017 HB User
Re: Just found out mom has lung cancer

malai-

Being diagnosed with Lung Cancer is devasting wether smoker or non-smoker. My wife had never been a smoker, so we were not only devastated but unbelievably shocked. She is only 43, I am 38 and we have small children as well as older ones. Our diagnosis is non-curable which is "almost" a death sentence. In the minds of mosts physicians it is just a matter of time. So you are probably right in thinking your parents need time. They first have to affrim their commitment to another in fighting this horrible disease ...they have to be one in the fight. In some ways it will likely draw them closer than they have ever been. They need time to digest everything and prepare to move forward. Once they get to that point, they will likely involve you more ...because they will need your support...all they can get.

It seems obvious to me that you are going to be there in any way needed. Just remember to take care of yourself. If you don't, you won't be much good to them. That is a big part of the fight for me. When I don't get enough rest or eat well, I am emotionally and physically disadvataged ...which doesn't help my wife much. But I personally believe that my "spiritual health" makes the greatest difference ...and that doesn't happen by accident, it requires an investment of our time and mental energy.

The best to you and God bless,

conan

Last edited by conan1017; 01-14-2007 at 07:41 PM.

 
Old 01-15-2007, 06:21 AM   #9
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malai HB User
Re: Just found out mom has lung cancer

I have spoken with my parents and I have been re-assured that we are all in this together. They don't want any time for themselves and they need me my brother and their grandchildren there more than ever. This makes me feel a lot better. They took a ct scan of her brain and there was nothing there. She is scheduled to go for a pet scan. She will be starting Tarceva today. If the cancer is just in the one area they will go in and remove that section of her lung. This I am going to hold onto until we know for sure. Thank you all! It feels good to know that there are people out there that I can turn to.

 
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