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Cancer: Lung Message Board
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Old 02-06-2007, 01:11 PM   #1
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lorriem HB User
any care givers that need suport

My husband came down with LC several months after we moved to another state. I need my family now but they live in our adopted home state Ca (we lived there for 25 years) and my daughter and sil and grandkids all live there.My husband last scan showed NED but like most of you know we all live in a three month cycle.In July it will be two years since his surgery and I should be so happy which I am but so lonely for my family and friends. We would love to move back but the cost of houseing is so high infact our last home that we sold costs $100,000 more then what we sold it for. Does anyone else feel like I do?
We were really lucky to have a great Hospital here ( Moffitt) and a great ONC and cancer center here only 5 min from us so I feel so quilty wanting to move back or even think about how lonely I am. Plus I so dislike FL. I am rambeling.

Last edited by lorriem; 02-06-2007 at 01:13 PM.

 
Old 02-06-2007, 05:30 PM   #2
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Re: any care givers that need suport

Don't feel guilty about feeling the way you do. It is hard to pick up and move across country and be away from your family and friends.Then to get hit with your husband's lung cancer and have your support system so far away is alot of stress. I do not think any others would feel different then you do.

I remember when I was 12 and my dad moved us from Illinois to California so he could start his own business. We left my grandparents, My oldest sister who was in college and many friends behind. It was very stressful for my poor mom and she was quite unhappy and would talk about wanting to go back to Illinois. Starting a business and not having a support system in place is hard too. It took my mom a long time to adjust but she did and she developed a whole new support system and her life was so enriched by it.

I know I am thankful that I have worked with many of the same people for the past 25 years as they were my rocks through my mom's illness and death and I can not imagine not having had that support system so I feel sad hearing about your situation. Being I live in California and a very expensive city I hear you about not being able to come back once you leave.The housing market has gotten crazy that is for sure.

When you feel alone know you have all of us willing to listen and lend you a shoulder or keyboard to cry on. I am thrilled to hear your husband is still NED. As I have said before I have met people that had lung cancer 20, 30 yrs ago that had surgery and have done fine with no return of the cancer so here is praying your husband is one of those people! Hang in there. JanMarie

 
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Old 02-06-2007, 09:42 PM   #3
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Kimslos HB UserKimslos HB UserKimslos HB UserKimslos HB User
Re: any care givers that need suport

Hi-
So sorry you feel so alone. I know how tough it is to live far away from family. My kids are still young so they still live with us, but ALL of my family lives in Vegas! I am here in California so I rely on phone calls, e-mails and more phone calls and more e-mails! (not to mention my friends on the posting board!) I moved honestly about 16 times while growing up and HATED it so we have stayed put here in Irvine since we married. I came to LA to go to college and met my husband and he had no other family other than his brother, mom and dad(everyone else out of the country) at the time so we decided to stay in So. Calif and he agreed we would always go see my family...but the last time we went as a family to Vegas was in April 05 (2 months before my husband was diagnosed with cancer) I did go last Jan and Feb since my dad was dying of cancer and actually tomorrow, Feb. 7th marks the one year anniversay of when I said my final goodbyes to my dad even though he did not die until Feb. 18th I could not be there with him since Stan needed me at home since he has cancer. (boy I was so torn, but knew mom was there for dad and I needed to be here for Stan)
So you ask does anyone else feel lonely, yes, but I remember that Stan is my family and I know I have a great group of friends in all different states, but keep in touch. I wish I could ease yyour pain, but boy I love to hear that your husband is NED! Can you travel to see your family in Cal? Oh, I hope you can get away and spend some time with your kids and family! You take care of yourself and hopefully you can visit them soon and figure out a way to be a little bit happier.
Kim

 
Old 02-07-2007, 09:02 AM   #4
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Re: any care givers that need suport

Thank you Jan marie and Kim
After I wrote that post I was going to dellete it because I am lucky that My Husband is healthy for now and I sounded to self centered. Yes Kim we do visit CA twice a year and we Fly them here for xmas. We do plan our trips to Ca around My Husbands business trips.I do have family up and down the east coast but two of my sister's in law have brest cancer and my cousin's husband had colon and stomach cancer three years ago and thought everything would be ok in Nov he came down with LC also.They do call me but it is about them and I hate to bring up me ya know.My husband is lucky that the job he has now he can work anywhere so we have been looking for anything out west even vegas. Last night my husband saw on line a few places in palm springs but if we find a place we would have to sell our house and the market in Fl is very weak. Plus I want to be in an area with a good cancer hospital and great ONC.I do know that palm springs has a good cancer center that my friend goes to and Palm Springs to the SF bay area is a quick trip so we can see our daughter and grands. Thank you both for your support.We all share one thing in common cancer and Kim in the late 70's we lived in Irvine in a subdivision called Turtle Rock. I have wonderful memories of Irvine but my heart is in the SF east bay.

 
Old 02-10-2007, 10:08 PM   #5
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Re: any care givers that need suport

Hi-
Oh no you don't sound self centered! It is not easy living so far away from family especially with what your husband and you have been going thru! It takes everything out of you! It sounds like you are trying to get closer to your family which is awesome if you can pull it off! Yes, I know the housing market in many states is not the best. Good luck and hopefully it will all work out and you can move closer to everyone!
Too funny you mentioned you lived in Irvine. We don't live far from the community of Turtle Rock since we live in what they call Westpark. I also had to laugh since I was born in San Jose and lived in various places up north until I was 13.
I pray your husband continues to stay healthy continue having clean scans!
Kim

 
Old 02-11-2007, 03:27 PM   #6
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Re: any care givers that need suport

Kimslos I just love Irvine but I have too admit I loved all my yreas in the east bay. My daughter's husband is from San Jose and they live about 30 min from his parents . When we lived there we lived only 20 min away from them.We went down to Irivine a few times and could see how it was growing up. I remember one Xmas My dh annd I made a quick trip to the Costa Mesa mall and picked up the new atar system. The game was pong. My how things change.

 
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