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Old 09-06-2007, 09:46 PM   #1
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maxine777 HB User
Angry My Mom's gone

My Mom passed away July 21st 2007 from small cell lung cancer. I was so very close to her and everyday life is a struggle for me. I feel this emptyness in my chest and it actually hurts. I never dreamed of this. My Dad misses her so bad i don't think he wants to live anymore (they were together a long Long time) My Mom always smoked somuch,when i was a kid iused to hide her cigarettes and she went crazy! Her father died of lung cancer and her one brother,the other two brothers died from heart troubles,They were all heavy smokers.My Moms sisters are all ok and none of them smoke. I am angry at my Mom for shortchanging us,I try not to feel angry but its almost like i knew when i was ten years old this would come.Now i don't know what to believe in anymore. My spirit aches. I miss her!! I'm not so sure of anything anymore. Thanks for listening.

 
Old 09-07-2007, 08:15 AM   #2
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gary51 HB User
Re: My Mom's gone

Hi Maxine,

I am so sorry about your mother and about the pain that you feel.
I know how you feel because I've been through the loss of my wife, father, mother and brother (my father and brother died of LC). Now as a former smoker, I too have been diagnosed with LC and it is because of my faith that I am dealing with it.

Maxine, please don't be angry with your mother. Remember the love you shared. It's so hard dealing with the emptiness that you are feeling. As for me, my tears fall for my granddaughter who is now 7. She and I have been so very close since the day she was born and I hurt over what she would experience without me. I believe that your mom too fought for you and your dad's sake. However, I am fighting so that I may live to see her grow.
Life has it's way of being unfair, but there is One who desires to share the burden. You should be angry! Angry at the cancer, that monster who separated you and your mother. Be angry at the damn cigarettes that make their victims addicted.
Be angry at the addiction! But please, when you think of your mom, please please whisper how much you love her and use that love to share with your dad. I know that if I should succumb to this monster, my wish is that my granddaughter would think of me and do the same.
My heart hurts with you and I pray that you will take each day as it comes.
My precious wife died 28 years ago and in the subsequent years, the pain, although remaining at special times, lost its power to hurt me because I focused on the love we shared.
God bless you Maxine! I hope in some small way, these words will be of comfort to you.
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Old 09-07-2007, 10:02 AM   #3
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Location: Puyallup, WA, USA
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hpybtms HB User
Re: My Mom's gone

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. I just lost my dad (Aug 26, 2007) to small cell lung cancer. It was not an easy thing to watch. I too was angry because his mom died almost 10 years ago from the same nasty disease and that didn't encourage him to quit smoking. He had quit for a little over a year when he was diagnosed. His disease was diagnosed in Oct 06. I have learned a valuable lesson from watching him die. My sister and I are on a mission to get everybody we know to stop smoking so our dad didn't die in vain. I know a part of my grieving process was anger, I was angry with everybody who talked to me. Now, I'm in denial. Please know that my thoughts, prayers and hugs to you and your family during this difficult time.
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In memory of Pops! Aug 7, 1948 to Aug 26, 2007 SCLC

 
Old 09-08-2007, 07:58 AM   #4
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jeaniek HB User
Re: My Mom's gone

Maxine,
I'm so very sorry to hear about your mom.
For a little over a year, we watched my Dad battle this terrible disease. Time, treatments, pain, stress, hospital stays - these all could've been avoided if he wasn't a heavy smoker (over 30 years of smoking). Ultimately we lost my Dad on June 17th after his body couldn't take anymore of this disease.
Am I mad at my Dad - no, not at this point. I admit I was mad initially when we found out his diagnosis. It was very painful and I think at that time, when I asked myself how could this have happened, the answer was right there in front of us. My Dad felt horrible about his habits as well - he felt so guilty for a long time after and would mention this periodically to us.... But since that day, I've never passed judgement on my Dad for smoking - most of us have "addictions" - regardless if it's food, smoking, etc and it's not my place to do this. It was my job to take care of my father during his illness and doing so, I changed my thinking about cancer - it is terrible, but at the same time, it was a major blessing in mine and my fathers life - we shared a lot of time together that we would've never had done if he was not sick. Any blame that I initially felt was replaced with a huge amount of respect while watching what he went through during his illness.
Anger is definetly a part of the healing process you'll find yourself going through after you've lost someone close to you. I went through the same, but only my anger was directed at myself thinking I could've done something more to help my Dad - maybe wouldn't have lost him that day.
It's so hard to loose someone you love so much - especially to this disease. And as time passes, you will heal. Cherish all the special memories you have together and this will get you through any rough patches you encounter.
I have also become a very outspoken person in regards to smoking....never would have said anything to my friends or co-workers about it. But seeing my Dad fight this disease has changed that and I tell everyone I know about smokings deadly effects. Especially my brother, who it hurts the most to see him hurting his body this way after watching my Dad do the same.
Take care of yourself, give yourself time and please don't be angry at your mom
Jeanie

 
Old 10-30-2007, 08:04 PM   #5
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Location: Keller TX USA
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SanDee53 HB User
Re: My Mom's gone

Maxine,

I am so sorry for you loss and I feel your pain. Aug 97 the same day Princess Diana died I lost my dear dad to this dreadful disease. Only 6 weeks after being diagnosed. It devistated me and took 3 years for me to come to terms with his death. I joined a grievance support group which helped a lot. Fast forward to 2006 and another blow to my heart. My dear wonderful mom was diagnosed with diabetes in May 06 and then in July 06 she was diagnosed with Lung cancer. I had my mom for 5 more months and she died suddenly on Dec 16. She was planning a big Christmas family affair as we all knew it would be her last. She was out shopping and making plans for Christmas dinner and the roast she would prepare. She decorated the tree and wrapped all the presents. Then without warning she passed away at 3:30 on a Saturday morning. We buried her on Dec 22 and had the celebration she had planned on Christmas Eve. It was the hardest and saddest day of my life!

Every time I see a cigarette I think that is why I no longer have my parents. 60 years ago when my parents started smoking they did not have the warnings they have today. I just do not understand why kids today take up this awful habit which they will all come to regret someday but for many it will be too late. I have 4 children and 2 smoke and I have begged them to quit for me, their children and the grandparents they lost but as of yet neither has done so. One would like to but she just can't and the youngest (27) has no desire right now.

My parents always smoked in front of us and in the car so according to my Dr I am at risk. I will have a chest Xray every year for the rest of my life. I am the only one of 4 siblings that did not smoke. My 2 sisters have finally quit do to marrying non smoking men but my brother can't kick the habit. Though my sisters have quit and both are in their early 40s I know that this dreadful disease may still strike they some day.

I pray all my grandchildren will do the smart thing and never smoke. I was robbed of my parents way too early. My dad was 66 and my mother was 73. I belive they would both be here today if they had not smoked. My dad was never sick a day in his life. He did not know what a headache or a cold was. Never took an asprin. He told me the year before he died that he planned to live to be 100. I told him it would never happen if he did not quit smoking. 12 months later he was gone. My dad weighed 165 lbs when he went into the Air Force in 1951 and he still weighed 165 at 60 years old. He was 6' 1. When he died he weighed 120 lbs. I hope and pray I never watch another person die of this dreadful disease.

Last edited by SanDee53; 10-30-2007 at 08:09 PM.

 
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