rockie

Dearest JanMarie,

I made it through. I too went outside last night and looked at the stars. It was cold and I think sometimes the cold weather makes the starts brighter. I closed my eyes and envisioned Bud riding Bob up there, in the beautiful meadows of heaven, through the pine forest, and back to his camp. Surely our gracious Lord provides for things like that. Most of all, I am grateful for the pain he had being gone. But, honestly, it hurt like the dickens and I cried more tears than I thought I had left. My heart still aches to desperately for him. I love him still more than life itself and miss him beyond words can express.

Today, is a bit better, because I know I have completed my first year cycle. People tell me it gets easier the second year. I sure hope so. But one thing will never change. There is this big, empty place deep in my heart, where this huge void exists. No matter how I try, I cannot fill it. So, I have learned to just accept it and co-exist with it. Winter is just around the corner, along with Christmas and all that. Last year I about went out of my mind at Christmas. I hope this year to have at least a measure of peace of heart.

I love all of you and think about each and every one, and pray that God will heal physically, mentally and emotionally.

Peace, love, healing and prayers,
Jan