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Cancer: Lung Message Board
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Old 11-05-2007, 12:49 PM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Santa Barbara, California
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Janmarie2 HB User
Rockie

Jan, If by chance you are reading the boards tonight. I want you to know I am thinking of you as I know it has now been a year since Bud left you to go rides horses through the heavens. Tonight at work I will go out on the patio and gaze up at the stars and say a little pray for him under the stars. I do hope you have gotten through this day in one piece. Take care. Love from California, JanMarie

 
Old 11-06-2007, 04:49 PM   #2
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Join Date: May 2005
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Re: Rockie

Dearest JanMarie,

I made it through. I too went outside last night and looked at the stars. It was cold and I think sometimes the cold weather makes the starts brighter. I closed my eyes and envisioned Bud riding Bob up there, in the beautiful meadows of heaven, through the pine forest, and back to his camp. Surely our gracious Lord provides for things like that. Most of all, I am grateful for the pain he had being gone. But, honestly, it hurt like the dickens and I cried more tears than I thought I had left. My heart still aches to desperately for him. I love him still more than life itself and miss him beyond words can express.

Today, is a bit better, because I know I have completed my first year cycle. People tell me it gets easier the second year. I sure hope so. But one thing will never change. There is this big, empty place deep in my heart, where this huge void exists. No matter how I try, I cannot fill it. So, I have learned to just accept it and co-exist with it. Winter is just around the corner, along with Christmas and all that. Last year I about went out of my mind at Christmas. I hope this year to have at least a measure of peace of heart.

I love all of you and think about each and every one, and pray that God will heal physically, mentally and emotionally.

Peace, love, healing and prayers,
Jan

 
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