Mom has a couple of months to live - Cancer: Lung Message Board

kjonesin · 11-14-2007, 01:52 PM

On 11/12, my Mother was told she only has a couple of months left to live. She has Stage IV lung cancer. They suspect she has had the cancer for about 9 months before it was detected. She really isn't in much pain now, just taking extra strength tylenol. She will be undergoing chemo on 11/27 to try to extend her life by a few months. She only has one kidney and I am worried about the toxicity of the chemo.

My family (husband and two daughters) will be visiting her for Thanksgiving and we are planning to celebrate Christmas at the same time. I wonder how much time (quality time) we really have left. I am concerned about telling my daughters...when is the right time to tell them that Grandma is dying? What do I get her for Christmas?

I live about 450 miles from her and won't be able to be there all the time.

She has begun making lists of who she wants to give her things to. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her that I couldn't discuss it right now. Sometimes I can barely breath when I think of losing her. It is really difficult to comprehend all of this.

carol1961 · 11-14-2007, 03:46 PM

What type of lung cancer does she have...i am surprised they gave you a "time" as they have not done any chemo yet....and there is always some hope...my mom has sclc ....diagnosed in the end of june...already spread to liver bone, kidney at diagnosis...first standard treatment did not work...now on last chemo option....yet no one has been able/willing to give us a timeline...don't think she has much time left...as sleeping more...weaker...eating and drinking less...but we have had good quality time w/ her....not sure the ages of your kids....we have 15, 16, 18, 19....qnd we were honest in what she has...that is doesn't look good for her....but she is trying to beat it...all the truth...and they were ok w/ that...keeping you in my thoughts...C

SherryAnne · 11-14-2007, 05:47 PM

I am very sorry to hear about your mom. My mother was also diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer (small cell which is supposedly very aggressive). I am also surprised that they actually gave you a time frame. I wouldn't necessarily put 100% faith in that as they are only going by statistics. My mom was diagnosed Dec 28, 06 and after only 3 rounds of chemo last february, she is still here with us. (they did tell me that she probably had it already for 8 or 9 months and if she went through with all her chemo treatment she would make it to the end of 2007) Hospice can't believe she's still here! Just goes to show you....no one really knows except God when their time is up. She is kept very comfortable and I try to get her out of the house to BINGO or somewhere at least once a week.
Just hang in there and enjoy the time you do have with your mom. Take care
and know that my prayers are with you.

Janmarie2 · 11-14-2007, 06:36 PM

When my mom was told she had stage IV NSCLC ( with mets to the liver) The doctor told her she had maybe 6 months with no treatment and maybe a year with treatment. She was 80 yrs old with no other health issues. She did chemo and Tarceva and lived 2.5 yrs and thanks to the Tarceva much of that was good quality time until the 4th line chemo left her exhuasted. When doctors give time frames it is based on stastics and your mother is not a stastic she is a live human being. Only God knows how much time she has left here on earth.

As for a gift the very best gift we gave my mom during her battle was a scrap book that my sister made. She had all 4 of us and any spouses or grandkids that wanted too look for photos and write down things like what we learned from mom, memories of mom, fun times etc then she crafted each beautiful page and made them fun so there were things to be opened and things to be pulled out of envelopes on each page it was a work of art and mom cried when she read it and I know she looked at it often during her battle especially on days when chemo left her wiped out.She showed it to everyone that visited and thanks to my sisters artistic talent most people were amazed with the book. By sharing our feelings in the book I know my mom knew how loved she was and how much we had gotten from having her as our mother and what mom could ask for more then that? So I would suggest a gift from the heart filled with love.

How old are your kids? My nephews who were very close to my mom as she was their daycare when they were little and her home was a safe place for them to go when they needed to get away from each other or their parents as teens were all teens at the time and they knew from day one. I think young kids usually figure out something is wrong as they pick up more then we think so I am not a person that feels they should be kept in the dark. If they were my kids I would tell them ASAP as I think kids handle such things better then most people give them credit for and I think most kids like to be included in life events rather then left guessing why everyone goes quiet when they enter a room.

You are still so new to this shock so give your self time and you will be able to catch your breath. The first few weeks we all live in shock and fear then we start to find our way. Hang in there and use this board even if it is to vent as people here do understand and that will help you in the long run. I will include your mom in my prayers .

Jan Marie

kjonesin · 11-16-2007, 07:21 AM

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and advice. I was able to get some additional information regarding the progression of my Mother's cancer. I live about 450 miles from her and was not with her when she was diagnosed-- she was with my Dad and a friend. I called her friend to get another interpretation of my Mother's prognosis. I have learned that the cancer is in her lungs and thyroid. It appears that they are giving her 7-11 months with no treatment and double that with chemo. She will be going in for chemo on 11/27. I have been trying to convince my Mom to take a road trip with me, we'll see.

I have told my daughters (ages 7 and 11) that Grandma is very sick, with lung cancer and that we will need to pray for a miracle to make her well. My oldest daughter seems to understand the gravity of the situation has been asking questions about death and Heaven.

We will be visiting my Mother for Thanksgiving and we are planning to celebrate Christmas early. We are going to take my Mom to the casino and try to have some fun. This is all so surreal. I don't like the looming of the dark shadow. It is so strange to know the end is coming.