I just feel like venting for a moment here tonight as I just came home from the funeral home. Yet another friend lost to cancer...devastating lung cancer. He was a kind, compasionate, and gentle man who would do anything for anyone. He was only 51 years young. As I kneeled to pray for him I could see the suffering that he had endured. I also couldn't help thinking about my mom who is dying of lung cancer and probably doesn't have very much time left. I am just feeling very sad right now
I read your post and completely know how you feel. 51 years old, so sad, so much life left to live. My dad was only 55. I went to his grave yesterday for the first time since his Oct. 4th passing. I wasn't exactly sure where he was buried since he is buried in a Veteran's cemetery and they don't do graveside services. It didn't take me long to find his grave. They go in order by date. I just stood there crying still in disbelief as I saw his name on the marker. I just can't believe he is gone. I wish I knew he was around me still.
Now, I am watching my mother in law go through her fight with small cell lung cancer. My dad had NSCLC. I pray that she can beat it.
I don't really have anything positive to say, I just wanted to say I am sad as well.
I just feel like venting for a moment here tonight as I just came home from the funeral home. Yet another friend lost to cancer...devastating lung cancer. He was a kind, compasionate, and gentle man who would do anything for anyone. He was only 51 years young. As I kneeled to pray for him I could see the suffering that he had endured. I also couldn't help thinking about my mom who is dying of lung cancer and probably doesn't have very much time left. I am just feeling very sad right now
Hey...that's why we are all here...to allow venting...sounding boards...validation...at least tht's why i am here...for me...an others...I am sooo sorry for this additional pain in your life...cancer just s****! My Mom lost 5 pounds just last week and not expecting anything better tomorrow...has not had one good day since starting 3rd line of treatment...so hard to watch...but know it has to be her decision...but even harder...as she doesn't want to ask questions that may give her answers she needs to decide the best options for herself...hoping to skip tomorow's treatment to give her chance to maybe enjoy x-mas w/ the family...my sis an i aren't always on the same page...which makes it even harder...sorry...just venting myself.....take care...good thoughts...prayers...and hugs going your way.
PS... I came on board ...to the boards...as faith was starting new treatment...in reading posts...I know I do not have the connection as some...but look forward to the updates...as she was such an inspiration...as i read her strong spirit and conviction on beating this...just want her to be comfortable...and well in spirit...take care...C
Thank you ladies...for you words of encouragement. Michelle, I am truly sorry for the loss of your father, especially at such a young age. And your mother-in-law with sclc....that is what my mom is dying from now. Carol, I appreciate all the support I can get...I am also sorry your mom is so ill now too. Sometimes I think that the decisions that have to be made are just to difficult for us as non-medical professionals. We can only hope that we and our loved ones make the right choices.
Last night while I was at my Christmas party (my daughter.. in 3rd year as nursing student and my husband were in charge of MOM last night) her leg was extremely swollen and it broke open. What a nightmare....and it is still leaking immensely after 24 hours of draining. I was told today that it will NOT heal and most likely continue to fill back up and drain till the end. Not exactly the news I wanted to hear. SO.....MOM is really upset now....won't stay off her leg, won't do anything she is told to do... and she just keeps yelling at me when I try to help her. I am just beside myself as I have been taking care of her for 10 years now...the past 5 with her living with me and the past year with this lung cancer. She has been yelling at me for days now and I amd SICK AND TIRED OF IT ALL. It certainly is not going to be a Merry Christmas for ME!!!!! As I am writing this, she is in the kitchen banging things and won't let me help her. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!!
Oh, I am so sorry for ranting so much tonight..I am just really upset.
My prayers are with each of you and may you have peace in your lives (unlike me). Take care,
SherryAnne
Last edited by SherryAnne; 12-20-2007 at 03:19 PM.
Reason: errors
Hi...I aopologize...can't remember if your Mom is on hospice....if not ...please do...someone does not have to be at deaths door....and they can give you and your family....especially such great support...I would love to have the same for my Mom...but my sister won't discuss..In my work...i have had people on Hospice for days....months...and even years...just such a great support..it is hard...i know...to even think about the holiday...never mind looking forward to enjoying it...just another day...just hard w/ kids...as you have to put on the happy face...take care...love and good thoughts....Carol
hi Carol....yes, my mom has been on hospice since March and they are a big help. However, most of the duties lie on me. And, of course, my brother has only visited her twice in the past year even though she was diagnosed as terminal. That is just outrageous to me..but, nothing I can do about it. What is getting my goat now is that she is just being so mean to me now after all I have done for her. I just can't believe it.
Take care....SherryAnne
I am so sorry about your friend passing away. I'm also sorry your Mom is critically ill too.I lost both my first husband and my granddaughter from cancer. My prayers are with you Sherry.
hi Carol....yes, my mom has been on hospice since March and they are a big help. However, most of the duties lie on me. And, of course, my brother has only visited her twice in the past year even though she was diagnosed as terminal. That is just outrageous to me..but, nothing I can do about it. What is getting my goat now is that she is just being so mean to me now after all I have done for her. I just can't believe it.
Take care....SherryAnne
Being a primary caregiver is so stressfull...draining....and i think your mom may be reacting to her state...could be fear...could be pain.....could be depression...could be brain involvement causing behavior changes....doesn't make it easier for you...get angry at the cancer ..not your mom....you have ALWAYs been there for her...and it might be easier for her to be honest w/ her own emotions around you..or allow her emotions to vent...still ...again...not fair to you...but she probably has alot of whirling emotions right now...i hope you are able to have a peaceful holiday...you are a good daughter...and i am sure your mom knows and appreciates ....all that you have done...take care...C
Hi SherryAnne you know and I know that being a caregiver to a parent is so difficult. You have been doing it for so long, you are a good daughter. I was my mom's caregiver when she was diagnosed with sclc in August 2005, she passed away December 30 2005 so this is a sad time of year for me, not because of Christmas as I don't really feel Christmasy and my mom was not a Chritmasy person either, so it's not the season. It's because it all reminds me of the things her and I went through together and now she is gone. My brother's and sister ran for the hills once mom was diagnosed, not one of them was there for us, however in their minds they talk like they were, I could just scream! They have no idea of the ups and downs and all arounds our days consisted of. Our family has also pretty well drifted apart since. But I kind of look at it and think if they were aquantances they would not be my friends, but they are family and I just can't figure out why they did not want to be with our mom as much as possible before she left us for good? I don't get it, I felt grateful for our time together and just made it my mission to make her as comfortable and relaxed as I could. Your mom isn't mad at you, she is mad at her situation. I can only imagine how a person who once was a young capable woman loses her dignity and also has this fate to face and the neccesity to be looked after knowing this is her destiny. Sad, scared, lonely, angry, resentful and many many more feelings. Maybe try and have hospice come in for a day and get out and take a deep deep breath and have some "down" time. I know, probably easier said than done. I also felt protective of my mom and I didn't want any one else doing my job, I guess that was good because no one was there anyway.
I hope that you can find some peace and relief from it, as you are important too and need some TLC yourself. Take time for yourself too. I would find I couldn't wait for her to go to bed so I could go to my room and just space out away from it all. I was exhausted, scared, sad, felt helpless needed to mourn her illness but couldn't, always tried to be upbeat for her. It wore me down, I am glad I was with her till the end and so was she. ((((warm hugs))))
Last edited by ebrena; 12-22-2007 at 11:51 PM.
Reason: spell
Just wanted to thank all of you.....your kindness and knowledge is much appreciated. Sometimes I guess I just get so tired of all this suffering my mom (and I)go through. You are right about all her emotions....she is on quite the ride of her life right now. One minute she is fine, the next....throwing things at me. I know some things she just can't help...medicines...mets to the brain..etc.
I just get OVERWHELMED sometimes and I come her to vent (and get great advice and understanding). We, as caregivers, know that those who have not been in our shoes have absolutely no idea of what we go through each and every day of our lives. That's why it is so important for me to come to these boards. Thank you again and my prayers are with all of you.
No doubt you are overwelmed it's exhausting, you too are on the ride of your life, it's been a long bumpy ride but you are doing good. Just knowing that you have stood by your mom deserves a pat on back, feel proud of yourself for being there for her. To be able to handle someone throwing things at you and yelling at you must make you feel hurt. This is a great place to come, lots of posters have been through so much and it is a great place to vent and we need to do that. You are a wonderful person and a very special daughter. I hope you have some cheer over the holidays.
Sherry Anne:
I lost my mother to lung cancer and she was very mean to me as well. Try not to let it get to you. I think the reason your mother is being so mean to you is because she knows how hard it is going to be when she is gone and maybe by being mean she thinks you won't miss her as much. I hope you have the support of loved ones around you and whatever you do you must take some time for yourself. My prayers go out to you and your family. As hard as it is you must make the best of it until she is gone.
.....take care...good thoughts...prayers...and hugs going your way.
