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Old 06-20-2011, 03:08 PM   #1
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I need some advice on how to cope with losing my mother to stage4 cancer that mets to

I am having a real hard time dealing with my mother`s diagnosis. She is stage 4 lung cancer that went to her brain. She had no symptoms just dizziness. Now she has completed the radiation to brain, and removal of lobe with the cancer, and 1st round of chemo a week ago. I know she hasn`t got a real good prognosis, but the worst thing is my family is falling apart. My step-father of 40 years is losing it! He has been there for her and still is, but he is so angry and takes his frustrations out on me mostly. Last week I went to visit and he and I had a disagreement and he hit me, I was shocked and very hurt. Now it`s very hard to go see her when he doesn`t want me around, my mother told me not to let him keep me from coming to see her, but it`s really hard to be around him, knowing he hates me for whatever reason, I don`t know what`s happening, is this normal? What do I do to resolve this, I need to help my mother as I was before.

 
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Violet Vapor (06-21-2011)
Old 06-21-2011, 09:57 PM   #2
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Re: I need some advice on how to cope with losing my mother to stage4 cancer that met

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Originally Posted by sad blue eyes View Post
I am having a real hard time dealing with my mother`s diagnosis. She is stage 4 lung cancer that went to her brain. She had no symptoms just dizziness. Now she has completed the radiation to brain, and removal of lobe with the cancer, and 1st round of chemo a week ago. I know she hasn`t got a real good prognosis, but the worst thing is my family is falling apart. My step-father of 40 years is losing it! He has been there for her and still is, but he is so angry and takes his frustrations out on me mostly. Last week I went to visit and he and I had a disagreement and he hit me, I was shocked and very hurt. Now it`s very hard to go see her when he doesn`t want me around, my mother told me not to let him keep me from coming to see her, but it`s really hard to be around him, knowing he hates me for whatever reason, I don`t know what`s happening, is this normal? What do I do to resolve this, I need to help my mother as I was before.

 
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Old 06-21-2011, 10:09 PM   #3
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Re: I need some advice on how to cope with losing my mother to stage4 cancer that met

Dear Sad Blue Eyes,
I hope that you will visit your mother again as you have not lost her yet. You will always be her daughter. As for your stepfather hitting you, he is taking out his grief and pain on the wrong person. I know from experience that talking with a social worker one on one may help you to cope with " your family falling apart." There should be a social worker where your mother is receiving treatment or you can talk with someone with the american cancer society. You don't have to go thru this alone when there are so many resources for family and caregivers who are touched by cancer.

Praying for you,

Violet Vapor

 
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Old 06-22-2011, 03:17 PM   #4
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Re: I need some advice on how to cope with losing my mother to stage4 cancer that met

Thank you so much for your concern, I have been back several times since, no way will I stay away, it`s getting better between he and I. He`s so angry about this and understandably, we all were shocked, and i have forgiven him so my mother and I can can continue are great relationship as before. I`m the oldest and felt I needed to step-up and take some of the burden from his shoulders, maybe I intruded too much in their privacy. Now I wait for mom to ask me, then I know it`s what she wants, this is such a emotional rollercoaster and I am trying to hang on. Thanks for the support of people who have been down this road, I appreciate it. I Love my Mother dearly and want her to get better without losing her dignity, she is a wonderful strong woman and we pray everyday for her to get her life back.

 
Old 06-22-2011, 09:20 PM   #5
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Re: I need some advice on how to cope with losing my mother to stage4 cancer that met

I know that this time in your life is like an emotional rollercoaster. Please remember to take care of yourself. I can't tell you how important it is for you to do this. Each day is one more day you have to reflect and have hope. Each day is precious for you and your family. I pray that this makes you stronger and that you continue to hang on it there. Get as much information as you can so that you can be informed about what the doctors are saying or not saying. Read, research, and resource. I am still praying for you and hoping that your mood will improve.

Sincerely,

Violet Vapor

 
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sad blue eyes (06-26-2011)
Old 06-26-2011, 10:34 AM   #6
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Smile Re: I need some advice on how to cope with losing my mother to stage4 cancer that met

You have been such a great supporter for me, I really appreciate your advice. I have been coping better since things are better between he and I, my mother missed me when I wasn`t coming over as much as before and i feel really bad that i let that happen. It`s really hard sometimes to know the right things to do or not do, but I know staying away is Not the right thing to do for her sake! She is doing really well with her first round of chemo, never got sick, just quite weak though, but that has improved. Starts her second round july 5, then pet scan to see how things are looking at this point, she`s staying so positive it`s amazing her strength, she`s my HERO!!! Thanks again.

 
Old 06-27-2011, 09:23 PM   #7
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Re: I need some advice on how to cope with losing my mother to stage4 cancer that met

It is good to know that you forgave your stepfather. Sometimes it helps to keep a journal of what you are feeling and how things are going with your mother. Just be there for your mother and tell her that you love her.

Violet Vapor

 
Old 09-26-2011, 01:31 AM   #8
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Re: I need some advice on how to cope with losing my mother to stage4 cancer that met

Hang in there it is very hard I am living it at the moment aswell so I can fully understand how your feeling and about your family! The last 2 months has been hell! My Dad is termal and the drs have given him only a month and that was 2 weeks ago and his health has declined bad.. I carnt give advice the only thing I can say having a good cry helps for a bit.. Take Care Tell your Mum how much you love her every day..

 
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