MommyNeecey

Hi everyone, well my parents decided to bring my aunt to their house with a hospital bed and a port-a-poddy etc., and although there was a bit of an argument (her not wanting to leave her home) since they have to be with her 24 hours now - it was the best thing.

That being said, her blood pressure is lowering, she is running a low-grade fever, and the hospice nurse said it appears she is "going out ..." could be within 2 weeks - could be a month - possibly a little longer but not likely.

To me, she looks horrible - just horrible. Pitiful would be the better word I guess. She is constantly doped with the morphine and lorazepm - which makes her just about as incoherent as it comes. If she's NOT on those meds, she is able to sit up and argue and fight (which is hard) - so the hospice nurse said to keep her drugged every 6 hours. My dad is feeling a little awkward with this situation because he doesn't know if she is acting so incoherent now because of the drugs - or if she is dying -- The nurse said again today however - keep her drugged!

Is there any answers out there that are easy? If she is awake and not drugged the nurse said she would begin withdrawals and they DO NOT want that to happen (we obviously understand she is addicted but it doesn't matter as she is dying) - however - is it fair that she has to spend her last days in a stupor? However - if she is awake she will argue and insist to go back home - then what do you do!

The hospice nurse asked if she has been talking about seeing dead people. And yes she has been hallucinating for quite sometime - however - just the other day she mentioned her partner, Irene who had been with her for over 30 years, after her husband, Chester was killed in the war (right after they were married) - I find it strange she hasn't mentioned Chester yet - but she has mentioned Irene several times in the last few days. She even told my mom that - "I know you think I'm crazy" - and my mom said, "No I don't!" This came after she was talking about Irene - and my mom totally agreed with her as if she could see her too.

I will keep you all posted. I have thought about talking to her and "giving her permission" to go "be" with Irene (I thought I read that somewhere) to help aid in her letting go before she has to suffer any further by fighting to hang on - but I don't know if that's the right answer. It's honestly so pitiful to just see her there in the bed - 24/7 now - it's just so sad that she should live like that - it's not living! I hope and pray God just takes her in her sleep and she can avoid any of the "fish out of water" breathing they refer to ... I don't think I can bear to watch that.

Please keep us in your thoughts as apparently this journey is ending ....