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Old 04-02-2011, 12:45 AM   #1
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Question husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

he is 66, was dx sept. 2009 in stage 1, only metastesis was to one lymph node which was removed. his oncologist said that with the whipple procedure, chemo and radiation he had an excellent chance of survival. last aug. he had a ct and pet scan and was pronounced cancer-free. in late dec. and jan. he began having digestive problems, another ct and pet scan was ordered but they showed nothing, even tho his abdomen was a bit distended. they decided to do a surgical exploratory...and cancer was everywhere. how could this be??? how could nothing hve shown up?? and the worst of it was that i was told by the current surgeon that my husband never had a whipple. she said, "i don't know what they did, but it wasn't a whipple." i am sooo angry and shattered, i don't know what to think about any of this. i think i am still in denial, even tho he has hospice care at home and i see what the cancer is doing to his frail and gaunt body. how could the cancer not show up on the scans? maybe he had it in aug., too, and it didn't show then either, so what is the point of these scans??????

 
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Old 04-02-2011, 09:59 PM   #2
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

What a horrible experience. Contact the dr and the hospital. Request the scan reports,operative report and biopsy report. It won't change the outcome but at least you can see what the truth was.
My best friend was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. At first she was told it was just in the tail so there was an excellent chance of just cutting it out. Then a pet scan showed she had 4 spots in the liver. So surgery was canceled and she started chemo. She was doing great. Down the road, she was then told they didn't think she had cancer in the liver afterall, the spots were something else so she took a leave from work and was scheduled for surgery. A few days before the surgery, they did another scan and she was then told the cancer was in her stomach and adrenal glands and she would never be a candidate for surgery so it was canceled. When she asked what happened, she was told they read the scan incorrectly. It was devastating to all as we all had our hopes up.

 
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Old 04-03-2011, 10:47 AM   #3
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

My father died from this horrible disease 7 years ago. Unfortunately I don't think anybody really survives this type of cancer. They may buy you some time but that's it. Thoughts and prayers with you and your husband. Get some form of therapy. Pancreatic cancer is the devil itself and the family is left traumatized by what happens to their loved one.

 
Old 04-05-2011, 10:54 AM   #4
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

I actually have an ex sister-in-law who survived pancreatic cancer. She had surgery about 30 years ago and is alive and well today. She is one out of 4 people I personally know who had this disease and she was the only one who made it. The odds aren't good.

 
Old 04-06-2011, 12:06 AM   #5
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

thank you sooo much for your kindness and support mel b and dizzy0001. i just wanted to say i had sooo much less time than i thought. my beloved husband passed away tonight at 8pm. god only knows how i am going to live without him. my only comfort right now is that his horrible suffering is over, but my heart is broken forever.

 
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Old 04-06-2011, 09:06 PM   #6
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

Oh gosh, I am so sorry about your husband. I am kind of at a loss of words. I do understand about a feeling of relief that there is no more suffering for him. You won't ever get over your loss, but somehow you do get through it. Keep your mind open, and you might still feel your hubby around you. I swear, after my sister died in a drowning, I felt her hand touch me and she came to me in a dream. Your loved ones are still around you. Lots of hugs to you ((((Melanie)))

 
Old 04-13-2011, 05:47 PM   #7
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

thank you so very much, you're so sweet. i am barely getting through each day and have no idea how i will manage his funeral this tues. without breaking down. i saw him at the funeral home, he looks at peace and just like he's sleeping. my heart broke. %$#!!! this cancer!!! he should have lived!! they caught it early, i don't understand!?!? he was the love of my life...thank you so much for caring.

 
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:57 PM   #8
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

ugh, I hate funerals. Even if I don't know the person who passed, the minister or whoever will always hit an emotional button that makes me cry. I just want to put my fingers in my ears and say "lalalalalalala" so I don't have to hear and then think about death. However, I guess funerals give a sense of closure.They are so draining and it is hard to set up a food feast and socialize when you are numb and still in a state of shock. On the other hand, it can be theraputic to be "busy." Someone will share a funny story or experience they had with the deceased and it actually feels good to laugh. It becomes a comfort to know your aren't alone. I don't want to scare you off, thinking I am a nut case but spritis often show up for their funerals. Watch for the signs for your husband. It's a comfort that gives you strength to put one foot in front of each other and move forward.
Lots of people will be there to hold your hand.

 
Old 05-05-2011, 08:03 PM   #9
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

Yes his suffering is over, but yours is not. I lost my husband 15 yrs. ago to this. He was 50 on a Sunday and died 9 days later. I relived your journey, and felt guilty for senseless things, was so depressed, I actually tried to end it too. I was lucky, I was found in time, and didn't injure my family further. I still miss him terribly, but as they say time helps heal. I hope you will stay stronge for those who love you, and find a way to get through it.

 
Old 10-20-2011, 09:27 PM   #10
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

Never quit, find a way to handle day to day things, ask for help, even if you you want to be alone, Heart aches for you both. So young to suffer this way. Ann

 
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Old 10-22-2011, 01:53 PM   #11
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

all of you, thank you sooooooooo much. sorry i haven't been here in so long but i am still struggling just to get thru each mierable day. i have so much more to say but it's still an effort do do anything i should. i just want to stay in bed all day and never get up. there's no comfort. just grief and tears day in and day out. it's been over 6 months since i lost my husband and it feels like yesterday. this isn't normal...is it?? much love and hugs to all of you, for now...

 
Old 10-22-2011, 07:31 PM   #12
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

Trust me it's horrible for a while, but if you can find a way to get through it, it does get better as time goes by. You will always love and miss them. Ann

 
Old 11-16-2011, 03:21 PM   #13
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Re: husband in end-stage pancreatic cancer

YES, it is normal. In the big picture of feelings, love, companionship and live built and shared for 12 years, six months is but a moment.

I'm so sorry for your pain and loss.

Be kind and gentle with yourself. There is NO timetable for feeling better -- or even feeling like getting out of bed.

 
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