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Old 01-17-2009, 03:33 PM   #1
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My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

My husband got the call on Thursday night from his urologist - following a biopsy the previous week - the biopsy was done because the urologist said his PSA was elevated.

The urologist told my husband that we need to meet with the Cancer Team - a urologist, a radiologist & some one else he can't recall in February & discuss my husbands options. He was told he has 3 options:

1. Surgery to remove the prostate
2. Radiation
3. Do nothing

My husband will be 62 in 2 weeks. We are both overwhelmed at this time.

We leave for an 8 day cruise in 5 days. When we got the high PSA test we decided - lets just do the biopsy before our vacation so it's done & we won't have to worry about it.

Now, I feel like I'm worried about everything.

I'm trying to find out as much as I can before the appointment ~ my husband said - "lets just do what they recommend." Heavy sigh . . . .

I'm not sure I like any of the 3 choices . . . .I wish there was a 4th option!!

Thanks!!

 
Old 01-17-2009, 04:09 PM   #2
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daff HB User
Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildewoman View Post
....
The urologist told my husband that we need to meet with the Cancer Team - a urologist, a radiologist & some one else he can't recall in February & discuss my husbands options. He was told he has 3 options:

1. Surgery to remove the prostate
2. Radiation
3. Do nothing
....
I'm trying to find out as much as I can before the appointment ~ my husband said - "lets just do what they recommend." Heavy sigh . . . .
Sorry that you have to join this "club" but you have lots of company and
the outlook can still be very positive. There are many good choices these days, and refinements in treatments can lead to a good outcome. It is an
initial shock for many of us, but once you get over that, it's time to do some
reading and talking with others.

One of the more difficult things to come to accept is that there is no one best solution. We're often used to hearing what a doctor says and then following those recommendations. Not so with prostate cancer. It's a rare
doctor that will not have a bias towards his own specialty-- urologists almost uniformly want to use surgery. As far as radiation, there are many forms of that, from seeds (brachytherapy) to several types of external beam radiation. I chose a form of radiation called proton beam therapy. At first it's probably best just to try to understand the range of choices available. You should have a decent period of time to choose.

The fact that one of the options quoted is "do nothing" must mean that your husband does not seem to have a high-risk case. There are some key things you'll need to acquaint yourself with, and one of these is the Gleason
score, which "grades" the aggressiveness of the cancer. There are two figures that add up to the score-- and the ranking of seriousness is on a 1 to 5 scale. The first number represents the score for the characteristics of the most prevalent cancer cells in the biopsy (I'm not saying this in a very technical manner, and when you read more, you'll understand, hopefully). The second number represents the next most prevalent. A typical common score is 3+3, for a score of 6.

When one has a Gleason score of 3+4 or 4+3, it's more aggressive, and higher than that even more so. (The highest and worst score would be 5+5, and that is rare.) It's not just the Gleason score, but information on staging from the physical exam, the person's age, his PSA-- all these factor into the perceived seriousness. If you post some additional information (some of this would be on the biopsy report, which you should get a copy of), you'll get some additional info on this board.

It's really too early to even try to make a treatment choice. At this time, I'd suggest getting some books on prostate cancer, to learn more about the disease and the alternatives. Most have a certain point of view, so that's why it's good to read more than one. If you read some of the posts on this
board for those going through what you are now, you'll get recommendations of some good books. On my list as a general overview is Dr. Patrick Walsh's latest book. There a quite a few internet sites too- and you can get some good ideas of questions to ask.

Wishing you well as you sort through some of this---- and again, don't feel you need to make a choice right away. Using this board can help a lot as you go through this.

 
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Old 01-17-2009, 04:59 PM   #3
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Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Hello Wildewoman,

(I hope my wife does not see this greeting - she might not understand.

I'm inserting some comments in green, and I hope you get some other responses. Jim


Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildewoman View Post
My husband got the call on Thursday night from his urologist - following a biopsy the previous week - the biopsy was done because the urologist said his PSA was elevated.

It would help us understand your husband's case if you would be willing to share key information. I'm thinking his case is probably low risk because of the options recommended, but we can help you be better prepared if you can share the information. The key things we need to know include:

his last PSA level and date of the test;

any other PSA tests in the last year or two and their dates, or approximate dates;

his "Gleason Score", broken down into the two Gleason Grades as in 3+3=6; sometimes a third score is given if there is any grade 5 cancer that is not covered in the primary (most common) or secondary (second most common) grade;

how many biopsy cores were taken;

how many of these were positive for prostate cancer, and what percentage of each core was positive;

the location of each positive core;

his stage, usually based on the DRE (Digital Rectal Exam), as in T1c, T2a, T2b, etc.;

other key overall health aspects, such as his level of fitness and health overall and any significant problems.

This may seem like a lot, but you and your husband also need to have a good grip on all of these key facts. It won't be long until you both see how these facts can help clarify the options, perhaps making some of them much less promising and attractive while favoring others.

Your husband is entitled to this information, and it can be requested on the phone, but you should also get the written record of your husband's PSA test result(s) and his biopsy report. Then make it a habit to request and file all his medical reports. This can be of great value!




The urologist told my husband that we need to meet with the Cancer Team - a urologist, a radiologist & some one else he can't recall in February & discuss my husbands options.

I'm impressed with that approach - including other opinions from other specialties right up front. That should be standard practice, but unfortunately, that is not the case. I'm thinking that the third specialist is probably a "medical oncologist," a doctor specializing in cancer who uses drugs as his main tools and does not do surgery or radiation himself. (That's the kind of doctor who has managed my own challenging case since late 2000.)

I'm also impressed that the doctor has not jumped straight to a bone scan and a CT scan, assuming your husband has a low risk case. Such scans are almost useless, as a positive result is extremely unlikely if the case is low risk, and if something there is missed, it will probably turn up pretty fast. That said, we had a recent poster on this board who was in the half percent or so with a positive result on one of these scans. (Part of the issue is that the CT scan can only see fairly large tumors in the lymph nodes, while the bone scan can only suggest prostate cancer when 10% or more of the bone is involved; both events are extraordinarily rare when prostate cancer is caught with regular monitoring.


He was told he has 3 options:

These are the main options, but there are other options, and there are sub-options within each of the three below.

Here are some of the other options:

a. Cryo surgery (freezing the prostate - now an accepted, standard treatment and much improved over a decade ago - no longer investigational), including focal cryo surgery (only a part of the prostate is frozen);

b. Primary one-time or intermittent hormonal blockade with drugs - Quite a few of us are using this approach, though it is usually not mentioned as an option by doctors. One version - one-time triple blockade for around thirteen to eighteen months with a mild maintenance drug after that - has enjoyed striking success in a couple of practices. Unfortunately, while it can offer outstanding long-term control for many of us, it is not often curative. Also unfortunately, it is classed as investigatory and few studies of results have been published in peer-reviewed medical research journals, which is a key indicator of acceptance.

c. HIFU (High Intensity Focused Ultrasound) - available in Mexico but not yet in the US. I'm personally not impressed with the success record published for low-risk patients at this point in the development of this therapy.


1. Surgery to remove the prostate

Main options include DaVinci robotic surger (very popular these days), laparoscopic surgery, and conventional open prostatectomy in either of two forms.

2. Radiation

Main options include brachytherapy (seeds), very popular, usually as a one day procedure, but also available in a high-dose version over several days with the radiation source not remaining in the body; external beam radiation - especially these days advance forms of what is known as IMRT (Intensity Modulated Radiation Therapy), including "TOMO,"; proton beam radiation therapy; rarely neutron beam therapy; combinations of these; and recently emerging and still investigational, CyberKnife with Stereotactic Body Radiotherapy dose delivery. I've left some out for simplicity.

3. Do nothing

There are two main versions - "watchful waiting" and "active surveillance." Watchful waiting, in its pure form, is basically doing nothing and living your life with the hope that symptoms will not develop - hoping that the cancer is "incidental" and will never become serious, and not starting some kind of therapy until symptoms develop, which is often at a pretty late stage. In view of other options, this to me just makes no sense these days.

The active surveillance option is far different. Soundly done, patients are carefully screened to avoid risk profiles that often lead to the need for therapy soon. Patients normally will have PSAs of 10 or less; no increase exceeding 2.0 in PSA in the year prior to diagnosis; Gleasons of 6 or lower with no Gleason Grade 5; staging of T1, T2a, or T2b; a low percentage of biopsy cores that are positive, and ideally a low percentage of each positive core that is cancer; no cancer in a location near an easy exit from the prostate capsule; and, if bone or CT scans were done, negative results. Monitoring is fairly frequent in the first year or two, often including at least one follow-up biopsy. Diet, nutrition, supplements, exercise and stress reduction tactics are often implemented to stabilize or reduce the cancer if possible. Mild medications, such as finasteride, Avodart, and statin drugs may be used to combat the cancer, and some drugs such as bisphosphonates (Fosamax, Boniva, etc.) may be used in support. Both doctor and patient expect to move to an attempt at curative therapy quickly if monitoring reveals the cancer is becoming aggressive. A number of major centers in the US and world, including some of the US's top prostate cancer surgeons on the teams, have vigorous and successful active surveillance programs.


My husband will be 62 in 2 weeks. We are both overwhelmed at this time.

We leave for an 8 day cruise in 5 days.

Please get back to the board, as I think we responders will be able to give you a lot of reassurance and good information before your cruise. Even if we cannot, I like your style! Prostate cancer should be just part of the life of a survivor and wife, hopefully a very small part after the early days.

When we got the high PSA test we decided - lets just do the biopsy before our vacation so it's done & we won't have to worry about it.

Now, I feel like I'm worried about everything.

Been there, done that. I wanted to get in a long overdue annual physical in December 1999, though my wife wanted to put it off, with Christmas approaching and the remote possibility of bad news. I assured her I felt fine. Well, I got a PSA result of 113.6, and our life was way out of balance for a while.

I'm trying to find out as much as I can before the appointment

That is an outstanding idea. The best book for orientation I know is "A Primer on Prostate Cancer - The Empowered Patient's Guide," by Dr. Stephen B. Strum, MD, and Donna Pogliano. It has great information, graphics, an index, and space for notes.

~ my husband said - "lets just do what they recommend." Heavy sigh . . . .

Not a good approach! This needs to be a personal choice, but with input from the doctors. Your husband probably needs a little time.

I'm not sure I like any of the 3 choices . . . .I wish there was a 4th option!!

Reread above!

Thanks!!
Take care and good luck,

Jim

Last edited by IADT3since2000; 01-17-2009 at 07:07 PM. Reason: Spelling. Added: hormonal not often curative, and medications in support of active surveillance.

 
Old 01-17-2009, 07:20 PM   #4
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dale2035 HB User
Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Hi, Wildewoman,
I had a conversation with a urologist in September that may have resembled your husband's in some respects. He told me the biopsy indicated I had "a little cancer." He recommended robotic surgery (I read and heard from a plurality of medical personnel that he is the person in the area they would use if they were going to have a surgeon use DaVinci). He suggested I confer with a radiation oncologist before accepting his recommendation. I felt about that consultation like I would have felt consulting with a three member cancer team. That feeds into an attitude of wanting to trust the experts, but I felt I was getting in deeper without having enough information to be an informed consumer. I decided to get my second opinion after I had done some research. After doing the research, I felt in my specific case, proton therapy was probably better than surgery or seed therapy/photon beam therapy. When I met with my general practictioner (a urologist), I was referred to Irvine Cancer Center. I had a lot more understanding when I met with the director, who recommended hormones, temporary seed therapy and external beam. I (and my wife, who sat in on the consultation) felt I was in the hands of an expert that I could trust totally. However, I felt that proton therapy was even better for me. I think the director knew that I (and my wife) felt that I was fortunate to have his expertise available...moreover, as good as he was, he had endless patience to answer all questions. The reason I belabor my personal experience is thinking your husband going into that consultation with the team would be like me and feel sucked into the guidance of the experts. What is a layman doing making treatment decisions for a complicated problem?! However, having read some, I was able to reflect on the information and make an independent decision . I am jumping to the conclusion that your husband did not absorb many details about the biopsy finding (Gleason sub scores, staging estimates, number of cores taken, number of cores with cancer, percentage of cancer in the core).
Having read and read and read, I would like to say that I have some appreciation for the quality and quantity of the advice you received from Jim and Daff. What they presented would have been more helpful to me in September than most of the expert books and articles I read. One would think that a few minutes with that team would be better than what you would get from a couple laymen on message board, but I urge you to print out their comments and review them carefully and repeatedly. You are going to surprised about your calm and confidence when you are talking to experts after you have done extensive research. When that happens maybe it would be helpful to others if you log in and let us know how you made that journey from a point of some frustration, confusion and anxiety.
Dale2035

 
Old 01-18-2009, 03:26 AM   #5
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precious49 HB User
Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildewoman View Post
My husband got the call on Thursday night from his urologist - following a biopsy the previous week - the biopsy was done because the urologist said his PSA was elevated.

The urologist told my husband that we need to meet with the Cancer Team - a urologist, a radiologist & some one else he can't recall in February & discuss my husbands options. He was told he has 3 options:

1. Surgery to remove the prostate
2. Radiation
3. Do nothing

My husband will be 62 in 2 weeks. We are both overwhelmed at this time.

We leave for an 8 day cruise in 5 days. When we got the high PSA test we decided - lets just do the biopsy before our vacation so it's done & we won't have to worry about it.

Now, I feel like I'm worried about everything.

I'm trying to find out as much as I can before the appointment ~ my husband said - "lets just do what they recommend." Heavy sigh . . . .

I'm not sure I like any of the 3 choices . . . .I wish there was a 4th option!!

Thanks!!
Hello Wildewoman,
I am so sorry that you've had to join us on this thread. My husband, age 60, had the Robotic Surgery by Dr. Carson Wong. We wanted the cancer gone. I know that there are alot of options and it is overwhelming but this thread has alot of information and take your time in making the best decision.
Please have a Great Time on your cruise. Try your best to not let this spoil your fun together. Love and Pamper each other. There will be plenty of time to make a decision when you get back home. If you want to know anything about the Robotic Surgery and what happens after--feel free to ask me anything. I have permission from my sweet husband of 41yrs. to tell his story of how we have dealt with it all. But you can't ask me until you get back from your cruise--Please Enjoy It. precious49 God Bless You and Yours Today and EveryDay

 
Old 01-18-2009, 07:07 AM   #6
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Wildewoman HB User
Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Thank you so much for all of the information!!

Here are a few answers (sorry, but we only have a few answers at this point)

Last PSA was 11 - about a month ago.

Cores taken at biopsy - 8 - we do not know the location or the # that were positive.

His last PSA score - last year sometime was 7 (I think)

As you can see - we need so much more information. I have sent this thread to my husband & he is reading it now.

I also sent out the "We have Cancer" e-mail to our family & friends & I am getting a lot of info. from them.

As of this morning - I am leaning towards the surgery - that way the cancer is gone. My neighbors priest had the "hormone therapy" and is not doing well at all. But her husband had the surgery about 10 years ago & is fine - no side effects.

I know that we have some time to make a final decision & that it will be up to my husband ~ we both need to read so much more.

Again, thank you & tell us what else we need to request from the team when we meet in February.

 
Old 01-18-2009, 07:31 AM   #7
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Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Hi, it's me (Wildewoman's husband) that has the cancer. Some other info I got was there were 8 samples and one showed cancer. It was 2 centimeters of the sample which I was told was very minimal. Thanks to info received here we know what other info to get from the doctors. We are also doing a lot of research. My wife misunderstood me as I intend to listen to what the doctors have to say at our meeting, but make my own decisions. I also want to say how wonderful it is to have a place where I can correspond with others and get so much valuable information.

Last edited by sneadman; 01-18-2009 at 07:33 AM. Reason: Spelling

 
Old 01-18-2009, 07:59 AM   #8
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daff HB User
Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sneadman View Post
Hi, it's me (Wildewoman's husband) that has the cancer.. Thanks to info received here we know what other info to get from the doctors. We are also doing a lot of research....
Greetings to you Sneadman-- as you say,you will be able to get good help on this board but nothing beats your own research, using the doctors' information too, but not blindly accepting it. I'd assume your Gleason score is not above 6, but that's something important for you to confirm, per previous posts. Your PSA of 11 may be of some concern, but you likely have plenty of time to evaluate the alternatives.

One point your wife said about surgery was that it would get rid of the cancer. That's what the desired result is, obviously, but it's not a certainty that all cancerous cells are removed. There's a wide range of side effects for the various treatments, and surgery can offer the best outcome, when everything goes well, but also has the potential for some of the worst side effects (ED, incontinence) for some. That's what makes all this such a complex task as we all have to weigh the pros and cons of each treatment and decide for ourselves what feels "right".

I started out reserving a slot for robotic surgery, but as I got deeper into the process and learned about proton beam treatment, I postponed the surgery and eventually chose the proton route (in Jacksonville, FL). You have one of the leading centers for proton treatment in Loma Linda, California (not particularly close to you, but a lot closer than for most that travel there). At some point, you might want to investigate that, along with your other choices. (A meaningful book to read on this subject is "you can beat prostate cancer" by Robert Marckini. You'll note that Dale, another responder to your wife's post, recently had this treatment. I understand there is a long backlog for a consultation at Loma Linda, so if you get to the point where this has some interest for you, I'd advise making an appointment, as this may be weeks into the future.)

 
Old 01-18-2009, 09:04 AM   #9
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Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

did you say weeks for a second opionion?

Wow - that seems like a such along time.

In my mind I was doing a timeline (I am very anal) and figured we'd meet with the cancer team in ealry February - make our deciscion later that day or the next & then begin treatment/have the surgery in February as well.

I read someplace that the hormone treatment can take up to 18 months!! That seems like such a long emotional & physicial toll. To be walking/talking proatate cancer for 18 months. Another reason I am leaning towards the surgery (laproscopic or robotics of course) is that it is done & you can begin the recovery process & move on with life.

I realize that cancer is a life long journey & that we may have a lot of time to make a decision. . . . . sigh . . . . .so much information to process. . . . . .

 
Old 01-18-2009, 10:30 AM   #10
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Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildewoman View Post
...did you say weeks for a second opinion?
I was referring to an appointment for a consultation at Loma Linda University Medical Center relative to proton radiation. They've treated over 10,000 prostate cancer patients since the early 1990s there, but there have been new facilities built (five in total now and more on the way) and this form of treatment has gained a lot of interest as more and more know about it. (My guess is that you have not.) Proton therapy is a precise form of radiation treatment that's highly targeted and minimizes damage to healthy tissue and surrounding organs- so fewer side effects.

I don't actually know how long the wait is-- I'd just heard some third-hand comments that they are backlogged. You'd have to call to find out for yourself about their timing. Most insurance plans cover it, but not all (it's not an inexpensive course of treatment).

This does take a time commitment-- weekday treatments of short duration, but this takes place for somewhere around 40 treatments. Most people take up temporary residence near the treatment facility-- and can generally carry on with their lives during this treatment. No fatigue- some dub it a "radiation vacation" although most of us would rather do something else on vacation...

As I mentioned to your husband, you might be very interested in learning
about this, and the $20 book I mentioned could be a good investment right now-- you'll hear about a lot of other treatments from your doctors, but these are ones they stand to gain financially from. Not many talk about proton treatment and many who get this are self-referred. I was one of those.

As far as doing surgery and then beginning the recovery process-- I didn't have a recovery process to go through... As far as incontinence-- it's not a problem for 99% of those having proton treatment.

You referenced hormone treatments- these are most often used for complex cases or for those that can't be treated by surgery or radiation-- or for reoccurrences after treatment. That's usually not the first thing people look to do, unless there's an advanced case or aggressive cancer, and that does not seem to be the case with your husband.

Last edited by daff; 01-18-2009 at 10:43 AM. Reason: added brief comment after finishing post

 
Old 01-19-2009, 06:51 AM   #11
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precious49 HB User
Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sneadman View Post
Hi, it's me (Wildewoman's husband) that has the cancer. Some other info I got was there were 8 samples and one showed cancer. It was 2 centimeters of the sample which I was told was very minimal. Thanks to info received here we know what other info to get from the doctors. We are also doing a lot of research. My wife misunderstood me as I intend to listen to what the doctors have to say at our meeting, but make my own decisions. I also want to say how wonderful it is to have a place where I can correspond with others and get so much valuable information.
Good Morning sneadman and Wildewoman,
I'm going to go ahead and tell you a little about my husband's experience with the Robotic Surgery. His PSA was 6.4 and his biopsy had 3 of the 8 with cancer cells. We were not as informed as you are getting to be on this site. But even with the info that I'm now seeing--I think we would have chosen the surgery. I can tell that you both need info before you go on you're cruise. So--we decided on the surgery because we wanted the organ that had the cancer--Out--the surgery went perfectly and the recovery was fairly easy. The catheter was easy once we got the coordination between the 2 of us. After the catheter was taken out, my husband did have leakage and did wear depends for awhile but now he wears a pad in his underware and the only time he leaks is if he coughs or sneezes. (I do that ) He only uses one pad a day. As for what Dr. Wong prescribed--the BOS-2000-3 Vacuum Therapy System (the pump) and Viagra for blood flow, they have both helped--Our insurance paid for the pump but declines the Viagra and we're fighting for that and thank the Lord our Primary Care Dr. gives us samples because the cost is alarming. As for Love Making--it is different--but we make it fun and exciting--would my husband rather it be the old way?--Yes--But we're just so thankful that we don't have to deal with that cancer ever again--the Prostate Cancer is gone--He's had 2 PSA's since the surgery in Sept. 08' and they have been 0. We know that there could be cancer other places but the Prostate Cancer we will never have to be concerned about again. My husband did all the exercises the Dr. told him to do and continues to do them. His Dr. has been so pleased and said his progress is "Outstanding". Sneadman--I don't know how much you weigh but that does factor into surgery and recovery. My husband is 6' and when he had surgery, he weighed 180lbs. He did loose some weight but now is at 165lbs. and looks great!!! The reason he lost so much weight is that the Prostate surgery caused his hemorrhoids to get so bad that he had surgery on them 3 weeks after his Prostate surgery. The Prostate surgery was a "Walk in the Park" compared to the Hemorrhoid surgery. He lost down to his high school weight 145 lbs. But now--Looks awesome and feels really good. I hope this helps a little and I will be willing to answer any questions about anything (I do have my husbands permission). I know this is absolutely overwhelming for both of you but as you work together (as it seems that you're very in Love) to make a decision, I pray that God will help you to know exactly what is best for you. precious49 God Bless You and Yours Today and EveryDay
ps---Go on that cruise and have the best time of your lives together

 
Old 01-19-2009, 08:33 AM   #12
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Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Hi, Steadman,
Just a couple comments following up on Daff's posting (His postings were helpful to me back in September when I was at the point where you seem to be at this time.)
I just finished up my proton treatment at Loma Linda Jan.6. I imagine timelines for men applying now would be comparable. The facility receives lots of application, but they treat lots of men (and women and children) in 3 treatment rooms (a fourth is down with installation of a robot for faster immobilization which will double the number [to 300] treated). Prostate patients were there from Northern California (and Canada and Germany and many States). Many had odd treatment times (as early as 5:00 AM or as late as 9:30 PM), but nobody complained feeling they were getting good help...and sooner than if everybody was treated 9 to 5. Some patients being treated had come after inquiring at other sites and had come because they were given some assurance of an earlier starting date. They claimed they felt less vagueness at Loma Linda about how soon they would know if they would be treated and when they would get fitted with a immobilization pod and when treatments would begin. They sent me an application, a CD and that book Daff mentioned in late September. When they initially gave a tentative start date...it was Dec. 31 (Dec. 30 to get the pod made). But I think they were even then planning to work out an earlier date. I started treatment in October. With Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and a couple cancellations, I finished the 45 sessions January 6.
They send a list of housing. (I think Jacksonville helps with this, too). A person on the staff helps with this. Sometimes the places of greatest appeal are full, but open up in a week or two as patients finish the treatment.
I don't know how much I promoted this choice in my earlier note. In this note I was just wanted to say that I bet timing (I hear and read about alleged delays at the grandfather of the proton centers) would not be a factor at Loma Linda or Jacksonville if you consider proton therapy.
Good luck. With all the research you are doing you are going to figure out what is best for you.
Dale 2035

 
Old 01-19-2009, 08:40 AM   #13
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dogsforsale HB User
Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

From a wife who knows what you are facing, enjoy your vacation first. The surgery will forever change your relationship. What you are left with doesn't even come close to the sexual relationship you had prior to surgery. Perhaps some couples can accept the aftermath of the surgery on their sexual relationship and maybe you're one of those couples, then again, maybe you're not. If time permits, why not make this the best intimate vacation you've ever had together. Just my opinion.

 
Old 01-19-2009, 08:56 AM   #14
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Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dogsforsale View Post
From a wife who knows what you are facing, enjoy your vacation first. The surgery will forever change your relationship. What you are left with doesn't even come close to the sexual relationship you had prior to surgery. Perhaps some couples can accept the aftermath of the surgery on their sexual relationship and maybe you're one of those couples, then again, maybe you're not. If time permits, why not make this the best intimate vacation you've ever had together. Just my opinion.
We plan on making this a fabulous vacation ~ as all our vacations have been.

I think personally, I would rather have my husband cancer free & healthy - having great sex is secondary at this point & doesn't even come up when we are discussing our options.

We have been through a lot in our relationship - I was hospitalized for a TAH (total abdominal hysterectomy) & he was there from start till today!! In fact, we laughed at the number of times he saw me in a surgcial cap & gown!!

Our relationship is solid - for us, PC is just another journey in life. We will take that journey together.

As of right now ~ he is leaning towards the surgery - done laproscopically, of course. If they can do it at Stanford, great! That is about 16 miles from our house!!

We will ask the team when we see them who will do the surgery & where it can be done!!

Thanks & keep the info. coming!!

Last edited by Wildewoman; 01-19-2009 at 09:05 AM.

 
Old 01-19-2009, 10:48 AM   #15
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Irvine,CA
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dale2035 HB User
Re: My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what?

Hi, Wildewoman,Steadman,
One more thing. You mentioned surgery generally, laproscopic surgery specifically. This was the first recommendation to me. I had confidence in surgeon recommending it. I asked medical staff that I liked, who did not do robotic/laproscopic surgery, who they would select IF they did have that surgery. They told me that surgeon who made the recommendation. Another personal plus was the very good experience I had with laproscopic surgery for gall bladder removal. All looked good. Then I read articles telling how that laproscopy was great for gall bladder, but not as good for prostate. The articles were likely bias for open surgery, but pointed out advantages for cancer removal and potency retention for open surgery when compared to robotic or laproscopic surgery. If I had decided on surgery, I think I would have gone with the open surgery even though I was impressed with the precision, magnification, diminished blood loss of the robotic or laproscopic procedures. (I decided on proton therapy, even though one of the experts, William Catalona, who thought open surgery was better than laproscopic, also, thought surgery had advantages over proton therapy.)
Dale2035

 
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