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Cancer: Prostate Message Board
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Old 06-12-2012, 09:41 AM   #1
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Help Me Please!!!!

Hello,
I am 18 years old and i am engaged to the most wonderful man in the universe, a disabled war veteran who served four years in the Navy.2 years in Afghanistan and the other 2 in Iraq suffering from an IED blast and 2 gunshot wounds.He has a 6 year old daughter from his previous marriage.We have known each other for 4 years and we have been together for 6 months.We have our wedding date set for March 21rst 2013.....I love him with all my heart.He and his daughter are my whole life...Last night we got into a fight...and it left me shaking with sobs and as he was laying on the couch watching TV i brought him his dinner and i tried to keep all my crying inside and he could see that i was scared and hurt (emotionally.he has never hit me and never will).As i start to walk back to the kitchen..he grabs my hand and softly says my name..and he gently pulls me down so that i was eye level to him..and i wont say everything that happened in the fight...but i wanted to die because i thought i lost him after the fight...He pulled me to him in a hug and said that he loved me and that he would live and die for me..and i told him that i would die without him..and he said (tearing up) "Sweetie you have a whole life ahead of you.you have so much to live for" and as i was crying i said "Life isnt worth a damn without you in it.You have a whole life ahead of you too!" and he looks at me and he starts sobbing...and he says "Then i should tell you that I have PROSTATE CANCER". When he told me that..something in me snapped..it felt like a bucket of ice cold water was dumped on me.
At first i thought he was messing with me...it would have been a cruel joke...And then he said "I found out a year and a half ago.and i have accepted it"...I started sobbing and yelling"No No NO! you cant have cancer! you cant die please!" he started crying harder and yelling me to leave him alone......But i couldnt then he started talking crazy saying "Are you gonna find someone else? find someone else!" and i said "No! i gave up my family.friends.Grade A college education.My inheritance (750,00 dollars and part of my family's land and a house).I gave up everything to be with you because i love you! And i am sticking with you no matter what!" and he his face got red trying to hold all the tears in and he said "If i die you gotta promise to take care of little Morgan" and i said "No because youre not gonna die! You are gonna take care of her with me!"..but he kept telling me to promise till i said i promised. after that i gave him his dinner and he started to take a bite and then dropped it..and started crying again..and said "i cant even eat now"...i grabbed the food and set it down and gathered him up in my arms and we cried and eventually he fell asleep..I didnt get a chance to ask what stage he was or about the tests he took..
I dont know how serious the prostate cancer is..i dont know what the stage is...but he is very sensitive and i think he believes he wont make it.But like i said..I dont know what stage of Prostate Cancer it is...I havent had the heart to talk to him about it today..because he cried most of last night because of the subject..but i need to know his chances and his options for every stage. im dedicating all my free time from him to learn how i can keep him alive and to survive..PLEASE HELP ME..i cant just sit here and let my sweetheart, the love my life,die. I need to know what his chances are for every stage and i need to know his options for every stage.He goes to a VA (Veterans Affairs) Hospital and i also need to know that if the VA Hospital can help him treat and help it go into remission if its serious or not so serious...Please answer soon :'( im begging you.

Last edited by Morga; 06-13-2012 at 02:20 PM. Reason: When i posted my first post.it left some things that i already typed out.

 
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Old 06-12-2012, 07:20 PM   #2
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Re: Help Me Please!!!!

If he has prostate cancer, it is one for the books and may be one of the youngest cases of prostate cancer ever recorded. I suppose it's not impossible, just improbable. What was his PSA and what were the results of his biopsy?

 
Old 06-13-2012, 06:46 AM   #3
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Re: Help Me Please!!!!

Morgan

We all cry when told that we got cancer. It is a scaring thing and without previous experience we associate the fact with death. However, prostate cancer (Pca) can be “curable” or it can be controlled in prolonged periods of time with cases reporting periods of more than 25 years. There are several ways for treatment and all resolves with the real status of the patient.

There are cases of Pca found in young guys over 38 years old but they are rare and cancer is only declared through a positive biopsy.
I wonder what is his age and who and what gave him such diagnosis.
Can you share some information on any tests, etc.?

Many guys get urinary symptoms of pain, blood or difficulty in urinating but such should not be confused with cancer. Infection or inflammation can cause those impressions and the condition can cause the value of a PSA test to skyrocket providing a false alarm of cancer. (PSA is the traditional test done in PCa perversion programs)
Infection can cause prostatic hyperplasia which is a benign issue and that can be addressed with anti-inflammatory drugs.
In any case the VA doctor will give him an answer on his real status and you could request for a copy of the diagnosis.

Do not be anxious. If uncertain, you may find comfort in participating in a cancer social gathering meeting at your area.
In this board many experienced survivors with more than ten years in the management/control of their cancer will surely help you in understanding things. Let us know about his bases of diagnosis.

Wishing you both peace of mind.

Baptista

 
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Morga (06-13-2012)
Old 06-13-2012, 09:30 AM   #4
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Re: Help Me Please!!!!

Hi, With knowing so little about your friend's health, it is difficult to give help. Let me make a couple suggestions--even if arising more from hunches rather than facts. You seemed to be hungry for more information about the alleged disease and probably having disturbed sleep and serious anxiety. So my suggestions may seem rather inadequate to relief this emotional torment, but here goes. 1) Have trust in the VA medical help. One of the tests that would be involved in a diagnosis ...if he has actually been given this tentative diagnosis...is a Gleason score. It is named after a VA doctor (I think he is deceased now; I mention this only to make the point that he is not receiving second class care if he is going to a VA hospital. I know of one former chief of staff who elected to treat his prostate cancer with proton therapy that was unavailable at the VA. ...and VA VISN director who said he would probably choose proton therapy if he had prostate cancer. So ...without getting verification...presume he is getting good treatment, but may not want to share the details of his care. 2) Fully embrace the positives in your other relationships during this time...with two or three of your closest people...a sibling, a parent or a close friend. and 3) Get into that activity ...hobby, volunteer work, church...into which you can get totally absorbed.
I don't think you are going to get the details of why he said this. The only way to know if a person has prostate cancer is with tissue examined after a biopsy. I doubt if he has had a biopsy. Why would he worry you with this alleged diagnosis? If he has the diagnosis and does not give you the information that be rassuring, that puts you in a touch situation. With the VA help, he would have good care. His service was so long and so recent, he should apply for service connected status for any cancer. I doubt if you get much help with this blog (although I have found in the best of the cancer blogs...lots of informed and concerned participants) since you (my prediction) will have little or NO specifics. An elevated PSA or a suspicious DRE does not mean cancer--and would maybe resulted in more non-invasive tests, not a biopsy. So he is likely being premature on being anxious...or is telling you things that csuse you be anxious prematurely. So I know little (as a layman) about prostate cancer and know nothing about your friend's prostate, I bet he does not have prostate cancer (nor has been told by the VA that he has cancer)...that is the good news. I think you know what I think is the bad news. Even if I am totally wrong (I apologize for the hard ideas), my three suggestions won't hurt.

 
Old 06-13-2012, 12:21 PM   #5
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Re: Help Me Please!!!!

Well i talked to him about it...he said it was just testing for it...he told me he wasnt sure...but i dont think he is being honest with me...:'( the way he cried last night and said that he accepted it..that gives me pause...im so scared :'( i need him to be honest with me...i need to know the truth..i dont like not knowing for sure if im losing him or not...i need to know if im losing him so i can try to save him...and if im not losing him i need to know what i can do to help him and keep him from getting this disease...I can promise you that it would be the death of me and everything that i am if he doesnt make it...i know that sounds dramatic...but you dont know how much i love him....He told me that they did the prostate exam..and they took a blood test and didnt like the count of the white blood cells...but after last night after seeing him cry like that..( i hae never seen him cry like that) and him saying he accepted it...and now he is telling me that he is gonne be fine and that he isnt gonna die.....it doesnt feel right to me...does that sound right to anyone else?

 
Old 06-13-2012, 12:39 PM   #6
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Re: Help Me Please!!!!

So, he doesn't have a diagnosis of prostate cancer and it's almost impossible that a man under 30 has it. White blood cell counts are not elevated with PC. He might have some prostatitis, which is often curable or manageable. Maybe you should go on doctor's visits with him. It's usually a good idea to have another person there. Sometimes one's strong emotions, such as you two seem to have, can get in the way of hearing what the doctor is saying, even if it's good news. It's better to have two sets of ears there.

- Allen

 
Old 06-13-2012, 01:05 PM   #7
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Re: Help Me Please!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morgan Cochrane View Post
Well i talked to him about it...he said it was just testing for it...he told me he wasnt sure...but i dont think he is being honest with me...:'( the way he cried last night and said that he accepted it..that gives me pause...im so scared :'( i need him to be honest with me...i need to know the truth..i dont like not knowing for sure if im losing him or not...i need to know if im losing him so i can try to save him...and if im not losing him i need to know what i can do to help him and keep him from getting this disease...I can promise you that it would be the death of me and everything that i am if he doesnt make it...i know that sounds dramatic...but you dont know how much i love him....He told me that they did the prostate exam..and they took a blood test and didnt like the count of the white blood cells...but after last night after seeing him cry like that..( i hae never seen him cry like that) and him saying he accepted it...and now he is telling me that he is gonne be fine and that he isnt gonna die.....it doesnt feel right to me...does that sound right to anyone else?
Hi, Did you read my comments...and my suggestions? I thought that your issues have nothing to do with prostate cancer. I felt if this issue gets dropped (your friend saying it is no longer an issue, for example), another would take it place. You seem so troubled, so vulnerable...I was hoping you had a support system other than help from a health board.
This board ...especially for prostate health...is excellent. If the VA mentioned prostate...perhaps it is because he has prostate cancer in his family ...like his father and uncle...and was advised to have PSAs done every two years or every year. The PSA has come under attack from time to time. Recently a task force (chaired by a Baylor professor, a teacher of PEDIATRICS) recommended no PSA be given to any man. Maybe he was being warned to disregard such high level misinformation.
I did not want to upset you with the few facts I have...which suggests he is not being honest with you. I doubted if he had a biopsy. The presence of cancer is determined by a biopsy. A doctor makes a few (usually 10 to 20) probes. This analyzed by a pathologist. The level of a PSA is learned in a blood test. Some doctors don't do it for young men. An irregular finger test (DRE) or family history might result in a PSA test for a man 40 or younger. Some doctors use 2 to become worried...others wait for 4. The rate of increase can be significant ...a 3 doubling in a year is more worrisome than a 3 unchanged from the last test.
So the tests he apparently has mentioned....would not lead to a doctor scaring him and a concerned friend would not be concluding that he probably a life threateing ailments with unknown progrnosis. Could he have had some diagnosis with some serious outlooks...and was not honest with what it was?...or is he not honest about having a serious health problem? If he does not have a serious health issue and is putting you through this stress, you would not get much help in searching on this blog, on the Internet or at the library researching prostate cancer.
So I repeat....count on the VA helping him...with whatever his health issues...and get some support for yourself...if he is not being honest (his having a serious problem, but not being open about it...is better than not having a serious problem...but not much better).
Good luck.... Oh, I don't think he would do it (I think you know why), but you could express your concern...and ask if you could go with him on his next visit with his primary care doctor, nurse case manager or oncologist (I doubt that he has one) ...he could tell the doctor that you are a worrier. The doctor would love to explain things and reassure you.

 
Old 06-13-2012, 01:15 PM   #8
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Re: Help Me Please!!!!

Pus he said he found out about a year and a half ago..and that he has accepted it...and now a day after he was telling me he supposedly had it...he is telling me he is fine and he wont die...and that it was just testing..

 
Old 06-13-2012, 01:21 PM   #9
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Re: Help Me Please!!!!

@ Tall Allen- Would they let me be with him in a VA hospital? i didnt think they allowed that.

 
Old 06-13-2012, 04:13 PM   #10
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Re: Help Me Please!!!!

Yes, with his permission they will allow you in there. Perhaps they have relationship counselors there as well. He can call and ask.

 
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