Sika

I can't find a message board anywhere where people respond to messages. Seriously, I just want someone to talk to about this whether they know anything or not because I'm alone and terrified. Right now I can't stop crying.

I have extreme pain during bowel movements. I get in a real state in having to go but being unable to cope with the pain and it makes me get hot and shaky and the whole process takes about half an hour. There's blood coating the stools and on the toilet paper and sometimes splashed all over the toilet bowl. The first stuff that comes out is typically small and shaped funny - I don't know if that's because I freak out about the first lot. It's soft though - not at all hard. The last part is relatively easy. It's been like this for nearly two months. I had the same thing nearly a year ago which went away after a month or so. The doctor then said it was an anal fissure but didn't examine me. A week ago a doctor examined me and said it wasn't a fissure. He did an internal examination (which hurt so much it made me cry out) and just said 'no blood'. While my iron count is low, it isn't low enough to warrant an urgent referral. So it will be weeks/months before I see anyone.

I called another doctor today to ask what to do with this pain while I wait to see a specialist? She has ordered another blood test to test for inflammation, and said otherwise it will just be pain relief. I'm terrified though and I want to know. What is this pain???

I've had HPV (still have? Isn't it permanent?). I had pre-cancerous cervical cells removed a few years ago. There's some sort of 'tag' on my anus. Doctor didn't say anything about it, though I'm not sure how much faith I have in my doctor to know anything about this sort of thing. After the bowel movement, it aches for hours if not the whole day. Slightly itchy. Pain kind of through to the coccyx area (but I've had pain there on and off for years anyway). I'm extremely fatigued.

Do I have a question? I don't know. Is there any way this sort of thing is just hemarrhoids? Or, does anyone have time to just pop by and say hi and good luck?