Daughter just found out..asked me to keep it a secret - Cancer: Skin Message Board

countrykid · 06-29-2006, 06:43 AM

Ok I'm new on this board..I haven't taken the time yet to read all the posts regarding skin cancer yet...I'm still upset.....My daughter who lives MILES away (3000) called yesterday to tell me about her appointment with the specialist doctor.....she was going for some allergy testing...she's experienced something ..what was being told to me as anaphaltic shocks due to something...happened to her twice in less than 3 weeks...So needless to say when she said Melanoma and biopsy it floored me!!!! It took all I had inside me to stay calm and not relay the horror I was feeling....As the good mother I did the reinforcing chit chat about how far the treatments and such have come over the years.

Now the worse part is I have been asked by her not to tell ANYONE...she doesn't want her father or siblings, etc to know yet...she wants me to wait till after she gets the results of the biopsy (2 weeks)...the dr talked to her about FH Melanoma? Skin laser? I can understand why she wants to wait to tell because of how the rest of the family will react (I'm more reserved or not dramatic) we've been touched by cancer...my mother in law died from bone cancer and my husband's best freind of liver and his wife from brain....so unforunately we've dealt with some horrible close deaths because of cancer...You say the word cancer and my husband just ohh I can't describe it in words his reaction...Now I want to scream at my youngest daughter to stay out of the sun and those darm tanning salons....I can't even tell anyone that my daughter called or I'll start crying....so how am I going to hold it back if someone remembers she had a drs appointment this week????? Oh I just hope none of the neighbors or freinds I see ask about her in the next 2 weeks....Oh I just remembered...4th of july weekend...freinds, family OH NO!!!

It's going to be a long 2 weeks...I have physical health problems so stress is not my freind....My poor husband couldn't understand why last night half way through dinner I got an attack...I was fine and then BAM!!!

Hopefully posting this might help me...I can tell "someone" and have no fear of it getting back to our "circle"...we've lived here so long and been involved with the community there is always someone that knows someone that knows us.....

rw82 · 06-29-2006, 12:27 PM

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you and your daughter are going through. But as you said in your " chitchat" with your daughter that treatment has come so far. I know it will be hard but please try to think positive.

Maybe posting here will help. I know that there are a lot of good people here that will listen.

Take care

jimmielegs · 06-29-2006, 01:11 PM

I'm so sorry you are facing this with your DD, countrykid. Your daughter must trust you very much to be able to call you with her news and know that you will keep it confidential.

As to what to say to friends who ask, you can simply say you are waiting to hear. The thing with DH is tricker. I can imagine how difficult it is to keep something from him especially when you are having physical reactions to it.

BonBe · 06-29-2006, 01:46 PM

and to follow your daughters wishes are what is called for. Nothing is known truely until she gets a proper excised (not shaved) biopsy. Only then will things be known and at what stage.

As for her keeping it a secret, yes until the exact nature is known. It is hard thing for sure. I know itwould prob kill me to do it, but I would have to honour the wishes and just be there for her.

Bonnnie Lea
Melanoma Stage 2

countrykid · 06-30-2006, 09:01 AM

Thank You all for your words of comfort...I am feeling better today....doing research...luckily no one has asked as of yet about her dr's appt....it's not that unusual for her not to call right away...she has a very important position with her employer so she is always very very busy...flying here.. flying there...day trips.. hard to even get in touch by phone...service in bad in some of there areas she has trips to...we play alot of phone tag....I've decided that if someone asks I will say they took some tests (not lying to anyone--they did skin and blood) results in 2 weeks...that should get me by...keeping busy will be good...I'll just cook up a storm of food for the holidays.....
Thank you all again...these boards are great for reaching out!