It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Cancer Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-30-2004, 11:39 AM   #1
Newbie
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 7
Runes HB User
How do you console someone w/ cancer?

Recently a friend of the family called and told us all she had multiple types of cancer...as memory serves, it was liver, lung, colon, and possibly stomach, as well. I'm afraid to get on the phone with her because I really just don't know what to say. Her daughter went to live with other relatives but her son is staying at home. Her jerkoff husband left her for another woman with more money and very soon the woman, Terry, will be out of a home.

There's just so much sadness going on in her life I don't know what to say to her to be comforting other than offering to come beat the hell out of her good-for-nothing husband. I know she knows some of it (the cancer) is her own fault because she drank like a fish for years on end and smoked quite a few packs a day but it's not like you can say that to someone or agree with them when they say so themselves. ~sighs~

I just really feel like I'm at a dead end with it and I want her to feel at least a little better when all the cancer and chemo treatments just seem to be ganging up on her.

Thanks in advance.

 
Old 08-30-2004, 04:18 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,336
Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: How do you console someone w/ cancer?

You sound like a wonderful friend to have in your corner when things are bad.
Said in the right tone I'm sure your friend would have a good laugh with you over beating up the ex!
Mostly, all you need to say is I'm so sorry to hear of your news" and then LISTEN. Many cancer patients really have a need to talk about their life, the forks in the road, memories, etc.
If you have pictures, or favorite memories be sure to share them too.
Very often they are not looking to be cheered up but for someone who can share in what remains of their life by just being there, or by listening.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-30-2004, 04:30 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 259
Murphy HB User
Re: How do you console someone w/ cancer?

The best thing to hear is `I'm here for you'! Real meaning & listening is good therapy.
They need to vent loud, cry outloud, & yell till eventually they collapse & get to
feel the HUG. Yes, her husband should be shot! Hopefully, What goes around comes
around to those that deserve it. Try to be there w/ others for those needed calls.
You are a good friend. Maybe send some funny cards when things start to level out.

 
Old 08-30-2004, 08:17 PM   #4
Newbie
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 7
Runes HB User
Re: How do you console someone w/ cancer?

We're hoping to get her a ticket out here to california so we can take her around, treatments and her health withstanding. It's hard not being there to actually look at her while this stuff is going on. (We all used to live in connecticut together but said jerk husband whisked her away to a trailer in Tennesee and we moved to California about a year later).

Thanks for the advice, it's really helpful.

 
Old 08-31-2004, 01:33 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: England
Posts: 705
ktee_uk HB User
Re: How do you console someone w/ cancer?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Runes
We're hoping to get her a ticket out here to california so we can take her around, treatments and her health withstanding. It's hard not being there to actually look at her while this stuff is going on. (We all used to live in connecticut together but said jerk husband whisked her away to a trailer in Tennesee and we moved to California about a year later).

Thanks for the advice, it's really helpful.

Only thing I can think of adding to the other comments is that cancer sufferers have to endure sooooo many visits to doctors, speacialist, chemo clinics, etc, that it helps to have someone to keep you organised. Such as who are you seeing next and when, how will you get there, what do you think they will tell you, what to you want to say to them, when are next scans due, what other treatments options are there.
If your friend is going to have chemo, then she will need to be in a routine. You can put your "practial hat" on and encourage her to rest up and let other people help her with chores.
Its great when friends just ring up and chat away. Get the cancer talk out of the way first and then chat away.
Good luck

 
Old 09-09-2004, 02:54 PM   #6
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 45
trulydisturbed HB User
Re: How do you console someone w/ cancer?

The best thing you can do as a friend is be there. Listening to their problems and concerns is means more than you can ever know. Don't be afraid to say things to her, she's still the same person even though she has cancer, and still needs the love and support from you as a friend. Treat her as you always have, and just be the good friend you seem to be!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Brother-in-law lung, brain cancer - hospice sawbuck44 Hospice 6 06-04-2010 11:54 AM
New colon cancer patient marchhare Cancer: Colon 7 04-27-2010 04:01 AM
How unusual is it for someone to die so quickly? daughter2458 Death & Dying 5 03-25-2009 04:58 PM
amazed if you read this!Long...but I'M STILL IN PAIN?!?!?! JAZ87 Relationship Health 6 07-03-2006 08:13 PM
Can you NOT tell someone they have lung cancer? Lexi Ann Cancer: Lung 3 03-14-2006 11:12 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added




Top 10 Drugs Discussed on this Board.
(Go to DrugTalk.com for complete list)
Aspirin
Ativan
Ibuprofen
Morphine
Potassium
  Synthroid
Tylenol
Vicodin
Xanax
Zofran




TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



SamQKitty (14), jennybyc (3), ladybud (2), Administrator (2), Rainyday100 (2), Falcon1994 (1), all things (1), abcwangfoo (1), Titchou (1), ibelieve (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (670), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:19 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!