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Old 07-07-2002, 09:18 PM   #1
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Post To iluvmypups and MommyNeecey

I was just thinking about both of you, and wondering how you are, and how things are going with your loved ones. I know this is a difficult time, and posting on Healthboards is probably the LAST thing on your minds, but if you do find yourself awake and unable to sleep, send me a note and let me know how things are going.

As always, you and your loved ones are in my prayers.

Ruth

 
Old 07-09-2002, 06:57 AM   #2
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Hello and thank you so much for thinking of me and my aunt!

Well it has been 5 weeks since the nurse/dr. gave my aunt "6 weeks" after stopping treatment and she still marches on.

However, she's been having hallucinations a bit and doing some "tugging at the bedsheets" that I've often heard described when the body is in it's phase of "dying". My father thinks it's all the "morphine" - but I don't think so. She will often say, "who is that little girl standing there?" Or, "Last night there were two gypsy women in my room cutting up all my clothes!"

Well that only lasted a few days and then literally overnight she seemed to have become literally oblivious to the morphine - doesn't make her sleep, doesn't make her hallucinate - and all she wants to do is argue with my parents over washing her windows or curtains etc., and my parents keep telling her to stop getting so ugly over things that do not matter as her time is short - but she doesn't see things that way.

The hospice nurse (who just started coming last week) - has told her to stop climbing stairs etc., (she was up in the attic when my parents arrived yesterday morning) supposedly going after some garbage bags. She told the nurse - "Well I;ll just wait till you all leave then!" The nurse said, "Oh ya? Well then I'll order you a hospital bed and you won't be able to get up!"

Following that yesterday, the nurse ordered a sleeping medication (can't remember the name - something ending in "epam" ...) and that has to be given to her every 6 hours and it's REALLY made her sleep and barely be able to stand at all! What is the point of that I wonder? Will any of this put her in a coma and bring death any sooner? My m-in-law argues that hospice "cannot legally overdose you with medicine" - but honestly, I thought that was what hospice did was when you are dying - they try to make it easier and as less painfull as they can?

She has some constipation going on, they are still giving her laxatives. She has never returned to "yellow" and her poop was white a few weeks ago - that's back to brown, and her urine is NOT dark or anything so God only knows - couldt his mean she is in remission or something?

Honestly, this has gone on for OVER 3 mos. now and to be perfectly honest, my parents need a break, we are all ready for this to be over. My aunt is 82 and the outcome is NOT going to change, and we'd rather see her gone than completely miserable because she can't "run her own show" like she's always done, and now all she wants to do is argue and fight over a spoon being put in a drawer in the wrong spot!

Any insight might be helpful! I hear that when they "go downhill" that it happens VERY fast - but I'm beginning to wonder ..... actually too we have a disney world trip planned for September - excatly 2 mos. from now - and honestly we'd really thought she'd be at rest by now and are beginning to wonder if we should cancel the trip. Who knows .... the whole thing has been very emotionally, physically and mentally tiring for everyone involved!

Thanks for caring Sam and look forward to hearing back from you!

[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 07-19-2002).]

 
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Old 07-09-2002, 08:20 AM   #3
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Hello,
Just wanted to add my 2 cents.. I had a father in-law that had brain cancer was DX in Aug 2001 and was told he had 6 months (wonderful man) Well he passed May 18,2002 Mom took care of him at home with the help of some of the chilren (they are all over 30 years old) anyway we all would say wow what along road when is this all going to be over? You know that 11 months was nothing. We look back on it and say wow what a short time we had with Dad before he passed, Dad was in no pain and only his last 2 days was spent in bed . Mom would see to it he ate at the table and would spend time in his chair etc.. My point is that right now it feels that the end is so far off, But when the end comes everyone will look back on this and say wow we really didn't get much time with her before she passed.. May God Bless you and your family and give you strength to carry on.. You are in my prayers.. Marcia

 
Old 07-11-2002, 01:00 PM   #4
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Hi There, I want to say thank you for thinking of me and mymother at this time. It has ben very rough.Sheis still holding on but I see her condition deteriorating before my eyes. Its not easy to watch. I know much about what neecy says about tugging at the bed sheets and seeing whats not there. But my mom is in much pain at times and doesnt get up like she has always done. So my prayers include GOD take her quickly, not because I wont miss her but because I can't stand her suffering like she does. She also sffers alone, She isthe type of person that will never say she is hurting. She keeps it to herself, It is her face that tells her story. I love my mother very much , and no tme is enough time but I cant stand t see her hurt. Thanks again Amy

------------------
May GOD Bless you and keep you.

[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 07-19-2002).]
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May GOD Bless you and keep you.

 
Old 07-11-2002, 06:01 PM   #5
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Amy -
Has your Mom been put on morphine? It's about the only thing that might make things easier for her at this stage. There is no reason for her to be in pain, although if she's coherent and refuses the medication, that is her choice.

I was very close to my mother, and watching her die was absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. But now, nearly 9 years later, I'm so glad I was able to be there for her.

My heart goes out to you, as I know something of what you're going through. Unfortunately, there just are no words that make it easier; you just have to get through a day at a time, and sometimes a minute at a time. God bless,

Ruth

 
Old 07-11-2002, 06:16 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by MommyNeecey:
Hello and thank you so much for thinking of me and my aunt!

Well it has been 5 weeks since the nurse/dr. gave my aunt "6 weeks" after stopping treatment and she still marches on.

Will any of this put her in a coma and bring death any sooner? My m-in-law argues that hospice "cannot legally overdose you with medicine" - but honestly, I thought that was what hospice did was when you are dying - they try to make it easier and as less painfull as they can?

couldt his mean she is in remission or something?

Honestly, this has gone on for OVER 3 mos. now and to be perfectly honest, my parents need a break, we are all ready for this to be over. My aunt is 82 and the outcome is NOT going to change, and we'd rather see her gone than completely miserable because she can't "run her own show" like she's always done, and now all she wants to do is argue and fight over a spoon being put in a drawer in the wrong spot!

Any insight might be helpful! I hear that when they "go downhill" that it happens VERY fast - but I'm beginning to wonder ..... actually too we have a disney world trip planned for September - excatly 2 mos. from now - and honestly we'd really thought she'd be at rest by now and are beginning to wonder if we should cancel the trip. Who knows .... the whole thing has been very emotionally, physically and mentally tiring for everyone involved!

Thanks for caring Sam and look forward to hearing back from you! om

Mommy Neecey,

Now you know the reason many doctors will not give a prognosis...because they're hardly ever accurate! It is not possible, no matter how good the doctor is, to predict exactly when someone will die from cancer until they are literally so close to death that it's hours or maybe just days away.

And, your mother-in-law is right, they CAN'T kill her! They can only make her comfortable.

Also, I doubt that she's in complete remission, but the treatments she did have may have slowed down the growth of the cancer.

Yes, caring for someone who is dying IS exhausting, emotionally and physically. And yes, people can get demanding and querelous as they lose their independence. But still, she really needs you and your family to be there for her, just as I'm sure you would all want someone to be there for you if you were in this situation yourselves.

It sounds like it's the lack of control and the uncertainty that is making it so hard on you. Unfortunately, this is something that no human can control...neither the timing, the process, the outcome, etc. If you can possibly come to terms with the fact that you can't PLAN this, it might make it easier for you to deal with. I know it's hard to feel as if you have no control, but that is the reality. Letting go, and just taking each day as it comes, might be a huge relief for you and your parents.

In the short term, this probably is the hardest thing any of you have had to do...but in the long term, you will reap rewards from being there for your aunt. After the initial loss and pain, you'll be able to remember having been there for her, and you'll know that it was absolutely the right thing to do.

I wish you the strength to get through this a day at a time.

Ruth

[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 07-19-2002).]

 
Old 07-19-2002, 10:44 AM   #7
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SAM ,THAKS FOR YOUR KINDNESS . MY MOTHER DIED LAST NIGHT AFTER QUITE A LONG WEEK OF SUFFERING , SHE DID HAVE MORPHNE BUT HER BONE PAIN WAS INCREDIBLE. SHE IS NOW WITH JESU AND MY FATHER ANDSISTER , WHERE SHE NEEDED TO BE.
OM GOD BLESS

------------------
May GOD Bless you and keep you.

[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 07-19-2002).]
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May GOD Bless you and keep you.

 
Old 07-19-2002, 04:29 PM   #8
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Old 07-19-2002, 07:07 PM   #9
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iluvmypups,

I'm very sorry to hear that your mom passed away. I know what you mean, when you say that you are glad that she is no longer in pain.

I prayed for my mom to die too, about 28 years ago. She died the very next day. She suffered with cancer treatments for about a year and a half. She died at age 47 in the hospital. So, I understand how sad it can be....

Again, I'm very sorry. I'm sure your mom was a very special person for you.

 
Old 07-23-2002, 01:43 AM   #10
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Hi Amy,
I'm so very sorry to hear about your Mom. While I'm sure you are glad that she is no longer suffering, it's such a major loss for you.

You may want to look into a grief support group in your area...sometimes it helps to talk to others who are going through a similar circumstance. They're usually run by hospice groups. I went to one after my mother died, and it was helpful.

And, of course, you can always "chat" with us via this board.

I'm sending you a virtual hug, and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Ruth


 
Old 07-26-2002, 12:23 AM   #11
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Coral Calcium People!, I can't say it enough! It can prevent cancer and possibly cure it! A nobel prize was won because it was proven cancer is caused by lack of oxygen... I'm not saying you need to go breath alot, but I am saying that your body is made up of oxygen! Acid is a problem though, because acid expels oxygen!, So what you need to do is get rid of this oxygen expelling acid, by taking coral calcium! or any form of calcium for that matter! It helps with alot of things, read my full post for more info... I'm not trying to sponsor coral calcium, its been around 1,000 Years, but alot of people don't know about it! PLEASE read my full post for all the info, it could be a great help to all of you!!

 
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