my best friend has just been diagnosed with cancer... i need advice - Cancer Message Board

nickiecutiebbf · 08-20-2002, 09:06 PM

my best friend was dianosed with cancer this past weekend. I am so worried about her. Everytime I talk to her or see her i think "This is it nickie... the last time you will ever see her or talk to her she is dead." i feel so bad for thinking that. I dont know how to treat her. I am so scared i am gonna loose her. Please help me deal with this.
God Bless
-Nickie

[This message has been edited by nickiecutiebbf (edited 08-20-2002).]

SamQKitty · 08-21-2002, 07:31 PM

Nickie -
What kind of cancer does your friend have? Many types of cancer are completely curable, especially if caught in an early stage. Even some cancers that aren't totally curable are very manageable, like a chronic illness, and can be kept under control for many years.

Of course it is scary to think of losing someone close to you, however, I would wait and see if your friend wants to talk about the possibility of dying or not. Some people want to concentrate on getting well, especially at first, and don't want to start thinking negatively. Try to listen to her for cues as to what she needs to talk about, and if you are having major problems dealing with the scary possibilities, find someone who can counsel you (either a therapist or another friend). But please, before you start concentrating on your friend's possible death, find out whatever you can about her cancer...you may not need to worry about losing her at all!

Ruth

chasbo · 08-21-2002, 08:42 PM

Just be there for her whenever, and I mean WHENEVER, she needs you. Let her talk about all and everything and just listen, as she'll be feeling things she has never felt before. Try to do things that will take her mind off of all the procedures that she will be going through. This really is a hard one because people react in different ways. Some like to talk about their feelings, others might blow their top at just the suggestion of the situation. Feel her out, see if she opens up and take it from there.
Whatever you do, DON'T say "a lot of people have it worse than you do, so don't be so down." This is the absolute worst thing to say, as my mom told it to me when I was going through chemo and it only made me feel worse. She has every right to have her down days. Being positive helps, but being too cheery will only alienate(sp?) her.
Remember though, this is how I felt when I was going through treatment and everyone deals differently.

Also, don't think about death or not seeing her again. Hope is a powerful thing and people pick up good vibes.

POSITIVE ENERGY GIRL!

Take care and the best of luck.

c-norman-0514 · 08-22-2002, 10:45 AM

hey. don't think about the negative. just think about the positive & make the best of it. make every minute that you two spend the best. if you need to talk just let me know.

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cmn2005

Fanatic · 08-22-2002, 02:39 PM

I really do know how you feel, my father has cancer which unfortunately hasn't been caught in time according to the doctors, but your friend's may have. I really feel for you and your friend, and I sincerely hope everything will be alright for the two of you. You're in my thoughts.

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-Human dreams...such fertile ground for the seeds of torment-