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Old 04-16-2003, 02:40 PM   #1
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LynetteVanessa HB User
Unhappy PLEASE READ PLEASE HELP

3 Yrs ago my mom/best friend had lung cancer. They found it by accident when she went to hospital due to a boil under her armpit that had to be removed. When they X-rayed her they found the cancer and removed it immediately as well as the lymphnodes. She was cancer free afterwards.
4 months ago she began having flu-like symptoms. Also her ankles began to swell and walking became a chore for her. The doctors were completely clueless as to the cause and finally after a MRI they found Kidney Cancer. Unsure of how bad it was they scheduled a PET Scan where we found out the results today. The cancer has mestastisized and after telling the doctor her newest pains and ailments, he said he thinks the cancer has spread to her Brain and Bone. She says "It feels like their are rubber bands tightened around her legs and feet" as well as sharp pains up and down her legs, feet, toes, and hips. The prognosis was chemotherapy as well as radiation if it has in fact went to her brain. He says she has 6 months to live.
Please help me here. I cant dare lose my mother and i am trying to cling on any hope. Is their a possibility she can live longer? Is their other ways that can help her? I know very very little about cancer. All that I know I have read within the last 15 minutes or so. Im very scared for her she wants to fight it but please help me out her.
Email me, IM me, anything just please give me some information.

 
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Old 04-17-2003, 03:17 AM   #2
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Hi there. My heart really goes out to you. It is so very difficult trying to cope with all of this. I cannot really offer you any advice but can only say keep hoping and keep praying. Cancer is not always a death sentence. I do know of some people for whom it was, and I also know of others who have beaten it good and solid. You sound as if you adore your mom. That is beautiful. Keep loving her the way you do and remember ... no matter what the outcome, Heaven is not that far away and we all meet up again in a perfect place and time. Hold on to faith. Believe and trust. God Bless you and your mom.

 
Old 04-17-2003, 03:26 AM   #3
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Your an Angel Romi, Thank you for your kind words. The pain killers are working. Its the first time she has taken anything aside from Aleve and she seems so much more relaxed and of course in little pain. I am thankful for it. Her pain is mine as well. I have moved her into the bedroom near mine and she is for once in months sleeping like a baby. I am driving myself mad trying to collect information on her type of cancer and educating myself on all subjects. Its a waiting game as of now the future tests will tell us what our next step is.
I am considering Sloan Kettering as her second opinion. I do believe her doctor is quite proficient, but considering the situation I am looking for others. I know I am yapping away but I have absolutley no one to talk to and would prefer to talk to people who have a general idea of the scenario.
Your in my prayers as well. Thanks~ Nessa

 
Old 04-17-2003, 06:06 AM   #4
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Hi there Nessa, A little bit of background for you - we have, over the last year, really been hit by an avalanche of bad news and worry and grief. I know how desparate I felt when my dearest friend was diagnosed with cancer (carcinoma unknown primary - CUP) which had metastisised to the bone. The sad part is that she had gone around for many years all over the show searching for a reason for the pain in her right leg. All the med. professionals she consulted advanced different theories - varying from ME to fibromyalgia to sciatica. Various procedures were performed - lamenectomy, provocative discogram, MRIs, scans, x-rays, etc. etc. She even resorted to a having a hysterectomy in the vain hope that that would sort out the problem. Then finally she was put in touch with a rheumatologist in July last year. A bone scan revealed that she had secondary bone cancer. This is really baffling since she had many times asked her doctors outright if there was any sign of cancer and in each instance the reply was a resounding "no". None of her bloods showed up anything and nor did the numerous other tests. The problem was that they couldn't (and never did) manage to locate the primary cancer and so did not know what to treat it with in terms of chemo etc. For example, if it had started in the lung and even if it had cleared up there but spread to the bone, it would still have been treated as lung cancer. The same applies to ovaries, uterus, breast, prostate, thyroid etc. There were about a dozen spots on her body (bones) where the cancer had spread to; ribs, thighs, arms, chest. She decided to give chemo a try - it was very rough on her and she only managed to get through two. Thereafter she had radiation therapy a various intervals - mainly to control the pain. She also resorted to alternative medicine. But it seems it was too far gone. Eventually she was on MST (a sustained release morphine) and then Dormicum, which kept her sedated. She died in November last year, 16 months after her diagnosis. The reason I am telling you this, is not to make you sad or frighten you, but rather to reassure you. My friend had two beatiful daughters aged 21 and 24, neither are married yet. I was really afraid for them, as well. But the three of us were with her to the end and I can honestly say we had the privilege to walk with her all the way to heaven's gates. My cousin, also aged 47, who was diagnosed at the same time, with lung cancer, died five months before my friend. What is death? but just the moment when dying ends. I lost my precious Dad last year in March - not cancer, but cardiac arrest. It was sudden and unexpected and left us all feeling stunned and sick with grief. Miss him so much, but I do know he is safe on the other side and I do know we'll be together again. In the meantime, you have enough love and goodness to surround your mom with all the support and light she needs. You will give of your very best and will never have anything to regret. Help your mom to hold on for as long as she wants you to, but if she grows weary then let go of her gently ... before I end, I do not want to take your hope away from you. Hope is everything. And where there is life, there too is hope. I'll keep you in my prayers. P.S. I'm no expert in these matters, but having had experienced it so many times, so close to home, maybe I can answer a few questions for you if there is anything you want to ask. Take care. Romi.

[This message has been edited by Romi Wallis (edited 04-22-2003).]

 
Old 04-17-2003, 11:35 PM   #5
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My first question is, how does the whole dying process work. Will she convulse or just sleep and not wake up? Will she scream or just drift away? Is thier any sure common symptoms to know that the time is soon? Or can it be anytime, anywhere with no warning?

 
Old 04-18-2003, 10:30 AM   #6
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Hi.
My grandma died in her sleep. Since she was so heavily sedated on the morphine, it was really like she just slept away, peacefully, in no pain.

 
Old 04-18-2003, 10:33 AM   #7
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That is probably the best way to go if any, and that is how I would like my mother to go when God decides to take her. I am praying for a miracle though and we are not giving up.

 
Old 04-19-2003, 03:27 PM   #8
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All I wanna say ,is I came 2 this board today cause I'm 16 and I might have cancer Found out last monday .I read your post and desided To post to give you hope !
I feel for you and Your family .
and want To say what i have learned is yes people can live Longer then expected !
My uncle. has brain tumor they gave him 10 years at the most that was 17 years ago! thou he's sick now ! but not from cancer but heart failor.
A friend of the Family's had skin cancer! was gaven 4 monthes to live he Lived a year and ahafe !
But lets not jump to conclusions yet ! It could get Treated ! and not Have spread .
take it one day at a time.. and savor every moment You spend with her ! and Hold your head up high ,stay stonger and be there for one another in a Time of need,,wish You all the Best of luck

lots of love your way ..

 
Old 04-20-2003, 12:48 AM   #9
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I love you people. You have given me hope amd understanding. Thank you so much.

 
Old 04-22-2003, 01:16 AM   #10
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Hi Nessa
My pal, Maureen, suffered three seizures in quick succession. They were about 15 minutes apart. It is much worse for the people looking on than for the patient. I know this from those who have had seizures/convulsions and report knowing nothing at all about it. Only thing is when they come around, they have a splitting headache and feel confused. Anyway, back to the seizures (we call that final step in events - 'Fit Thursday', because that really was the beginning of the end of her suffering). She was nursed at home and we called the Hospice nurses in. They stuck a couple of morphine patches on her body (to keep the pain at bay because she was unconcious and would no longer be able to take her meds orally) and rigged up a 'driver' to administer Dormicum at regular intervals to keep her sedated so she would not convulse again. And that was that. She just drifted away slowly and gently, early hours the following Friday. Her breathing grew very shallow and slowed and then just stopped. No pain. No fear. Surrounded by those she loved. Pretty much the same situation with my cousin, Marlene, except she did not have any fits. She had morphine intravenously, was in hospital and quite drowsy. She struggled a little more as she has very young children and she really did not want to leave them (I don't suppose anybody ever does!). So she fought like crazy. Wonderful part is that a longtime friend of hers visited and prayed over her. Soon after, she told us she was ready to go home now...and left. I believe they are all in a place too wonderful for any words to describe, one which we will only fully understand when we cross over. Lots of love to you and yours. R.

[This message has been edited by Romi Wallis (edited 04-22-2003).]

 
Old 04-22-2003, 02:50 AM   #11
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I see thats comforting right now she is very aware, her only problem is the pain of course but she has pain patches, not morphine i forgot the name. Also she is taking pills when the patch fails. Vicodin to be exact. Is their any hope for live if she has metastic cancer? Starting from her liver and spreading possibly to her bones & brain?

 
Old 04-22-2003, 03:26 AM   #12
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I have heard of some cases where even the most hopeless cancer scenario has cleared up spontaneously, and my medical encyclopaedia tells me most doctors have experienced at least one such inexplicable cure/recovery during their careers. Cancer can be a formidable opponent, there is no denying that, but you have to hold on to your hope and never stop believing in miracles.
Quote:
Originally posted by LynetteVanessa:
I see thats comforting right now she is very aware, her only problem is the pain of course but she has pain patches, not morphine i forgot the name. Also she is taking pills when the patch fails. Vicodin to be exact. Is their any hope for live if she has metastic cancer? Starting from her liver and spreading possibly to her bones & brain?

 
Old 04-22-2003, 05:25 AM   #13
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As usually I have been given even greater hope. Do you think her chances are better staying home beating or being in a cancer hospital?
I know most of you are not doctors but just opinions.

 
Old 04-22-2003, 06:37 AM   #14
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It is clear that you are very, very concerned for your mom. Just don't lose sight of the fact that you also need looking after so take good care of yourself (though at the moment, I'm sure, 'self' doesn't even come into the picture). How does your mom feel about staying home vs hospital? Some people prefer to be at home (Maureen did not want to know about Hospice at all; while Marlene was admitted because she was so ill). Others feel they would rather be in a controlled hospital environment and I think they feel they are sparing their loved ones further trauma by limiting their involvement in their care. Try to get a feel for what your mom wants. If you have the time and the infrastructure, family support and friends, you can take pretty good care of her at home. As far as meds and treatment are concerned, some meds are okay administered at home; others need a hospital and trained specialist staff. You haven't said how your mom feels about her condition. What is her frame of mind like? Is she aware of your fears? Is she concerned about the outcome? I think of you every day. I know that doesn't help much, but please know that lots of love and good wishes go out to you.
Quote:
Originally posted by LynetteVanessa:
As usually I have been given even greater hope. Do you think her chances are better staying home beating or being in a cancer hospital?
I know most of you are not doctors but just opinions.

 
Old 04-22-2003, 06:39 AM   #15
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It is clear that you are very, very concerned for your mom. Just don't lose sight of the fact that you also need looking after so take good care of yourself (though at the moment, I'm sure, 'self' doesn't even come into the picture). How does your mom feel about staying home vs hospital? Some people prefer to be at home (Maureen did not want to know about Hospice at all; while Marlene was admitted because she was so ill). Others feel they would rather be in a controlled hospital environment and I think they feel they are sparing their loved ones further trauma by limiting their involvement in their care. Try to get a feel for what your mom wants. If you have the time and the infrastructure, family support and friends, you can take pretty good care of her at home. As far as meds and treatment are concerned, some meds are okay administered at home; others need a hospital and trained specialist staff. You haven't said how your mom feels about her condition. What is her frame of mind like? Is she aware of your fears? Is she concerned about the outcome? I think of you every day. I know that doesn't help much, but please know that lots of love and good wishes go out to you.
Quote:
Originally posted by LynetteVanessa:
As usually I have been given even greater hope. Do you think her chances are better staying home beating or being in a cancer hospital?
I know most of you are not doctors but just opinions.

 
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