I have been living in a nightmare this past few weeks. My mom got diagnoised with pancreatic cancer and told she has only 6 months to a year of life. I find it hard to wake up each day and remind myself of what's going on. My mom is still so young, only 60 years old and so much to look forward to. I cry each day thinking of everything she might miss. Like me getting married....I think of her not being there to help me raise my kids, of not seeing her current grandchildren grow up, celebrating wedding aniveraries with my dad, my dad being lonely...etc.
This disease is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!! Just plain HORRIBLE!!. I read what everyone here has written and my heart goes out to you guys. It been tough to stay strong for me. I wish I could just make all of this go away. How do you guys deal with this, its been really devasting for everyone, my whole family is in shock and can't stop hugging my mom. She is the most beautiful, kind, loving and most amazing women in the world!!!! SHe is the one I turn to when I'm having a bad day, she would always make me feel 100% better, now I have to do the same for her.
Why did God decide that this had to be her ending, its just extremely horrible and cruel for ANYONE to die this way. I pray along with everyone that God almighty have mercy on us.
I am 59 and have three children. My son isn't married and he wants me to be a grandma again but who knows now. Thing is hun you have to take each day as it is and enjoy the time you have with your mother. Make each day count as a beautiful memory you can tuck away in your heart and keep forever.
God loves us sweetie. He does not give us nasty diseases just as we as loving parents would not give them to our children. ***** has power on the earth but he has no power over death. Only God has that power. We belong to Him and not to this world. When its time He comes and gets us and we go home to be with Him forever.
We will be here for you whenever you need to talk. You were blessed with a wonderful mother it seems and she taught you about God. You are a very lucky to get that teaching and to know that this life is only a temporary stop off to the garden of eternity.
My prayers are with you all and may God give you peace,
Barbara~
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SSC/vocal cords/T1NOMO/Lazer surgery/rx33...1/2 way there!
Last edited by BarbieBlueEyes; 07-12-2005 at 06:58 PM.
My father has been diagnosed with a brain tumor (malignant glioma) within the last week. Depending on the grade and how he responds to treatment (if we can do it--the tumor is in the center of the brain), he has maybe 1-2 years on average to live.
The whole thing is so surreal I can hardly believe it.
He won't see my sister get her degree. He won't see his first grandchild's first birthday. He won't be alive long enough for my mom's 60th birthday or their 40th anniversary. He could be gone in 6 months, for all we know.
How does this happen?
It's insanity...at least it feels like insanity.
He's trying to be positive. He says God must have some kind of plan for him. He says he doesn't know why "the big guy upstairs" gave this to him, but he must think that he can handle it because God doesn't give you more than you can handle.
While I'm not sure about the 'guy upstairs' and his plans, I hope my dad can stay in the game for a while. He only just started enjoying life.
It makes me profoundly sad.
Best wishes to you and your mom. I hope you enjoy all of your time together and have some fun memories. Keep posting here when you feel you need to chat or vent. I have a feeling I'll be here more often than even I can say....we should all support eachother...
MLWC
BarbieBlueEyes, thank you so much for you post and kind words, that is what I'm trying to do now is cherish every single moment I have with her. But it gets harder each time...its so hard not to cry infront of her, I have to run out of the room. She has this amazing blue eyes that sparkle so bright, people always comment on them. The day they stop sparkling will make me very scared.
MLWC, thanks for sharing your story with me. Everyone tells me "things happen for a reason". I'm trying to find a reason and I can't. I always need to know why things happen, especially when my mom was a healthy eater and never drank or smoked in her life. The doctor says that cancer is mysterious and sometimes it just happens.
This makes me very upset not having control over this situation and feeling so helpless. I hate seeing my beautiful mom suffer each day, knowing that it might get worse. I hate that my beautiful mom is starting to become someone I don't know. She was full of life, and it has all changed for her and for everyone around her.
I feel for you too, I believe in miracles and maybe it will be granted for us.....I hope your Dad is able to overcome it. He has you, and that is what matters. To have someone loving them and giving them support it will help them fight it. I strongly believe that. I hope so much he recovers!!! Your Dad sounds like such a wonderful man. I wish you and your family all the best, and will pray that God showers you with his love right now.
I know what you mean about him starting to enjoy life. Mom has two young grandchildren 4 and 5 that she enjoyed talking to school and being their grandma...it makes me sick to think she wont see them graduate or be there for them. She misses them so much! My dad wanted to retire and go on many trips, it makes me sick that what they will be doing instead is spending it in hospitals....I'm so FREAKIN sad!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would sincerely give my life right if it meant finding a cure for this HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE disease. It destroys everything, not only your body, but also your mind, your soul, your family.....
My dad is going for a functional MRI today in order to map the areas of his brain that the doctos will be going through to get to the tumor. They are hoping that since he is so left-handed, that his right brain controls a lot of what the left side might control and so he'll be at a lower risk when they go to remove the tumor from the left side of his brain.
The surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. It will take 6-8 hours and he will be in the ICU for about 2 days, then 3-5 more in the regular ward. He could get some rehab while he's there, if he has weakness on his right side.
The last thing you need at a time like this is family members questioning your decision as to what doctor and what hospital to go to. My aunt (my dad's sister) wanted him to go to a fancy cancer hospital like Fox Chase or somewhere else. But my dad really likes the doctors at the hospital he's at. He feels comfortable with them and likes their honesty. Plus, my mom won't be able to take off time from work to travel so far to some place else. So we decided to do it where he feels comfortable. At first, my aunt was like, "Well, as long as YOU'RE comfortable with your decision." My mom felt horrible, like she wasn't sending him to the 'best' place. But Friday, I went with them to speak with the surgeons and I was prepared with a lot of questions (I'm a scientist, and so I understand a lot of the medical side of things as well as the cellular angle). They were very helpful and caring and the neuro nurse was there, too, and she was very kind. I think my dad felt okay about it and, frankly, we don't have the luxury of time.
So tomorrow, have a positive thought for us. My dad is sticking it out, but it will be a long, uphill road....
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