Do Not be scared to share with me please - Cancer Message Board

brighterday · 06-21-2006, 02:00 PM

Hello,
I just need to talk to someone or anyone about the last stages of cancer. Is it bad as they say. Does hospice help? My husbands kidney cancer is now in his bones.We were told if it ever got there our options run out. We are not giving up but I just need to know truths about all of this. Thanks.

ktshorty · 06-21-2006, 02:34 PM

Hello brighterday
Im sooooo sorry to read about your husband. My mum has cancer in her throat, lungs, liver & chest. It is heartbreaking watching someone you love deteriate from this disease.
I dont know that much about kidney or bone cancer so i dont know if the symptons will be the same.....
My mum is on a morphine syringe driver 24 hrs a day and takes oral morphine when the pain is too bad. She can only eat ice cream. She sleeps a lot. She is nothing but bone and even walking is a struggle for her. All the normal day to day things have gone..... watching tv, doing a crossword, knitting etc. If she sits for longer than a minute she is asleep.
In all honesty, all she is doing is existing and its pityful seeing her the way she is. I hope your husband does not get to this stage .........
Please keep me up to date on how he is doing, and how you are. The emotional and physical effects of dealing with a loved one who has cancer, can be harsh.
You are in my thoughts
xxxxx Kay

shnswms · 06-21-2006, 06:19 PM

You never really run out of options. You and your husband have to determine whether quality of life or quantity matters more. Radiation may help with his bone mets. You could probably continue chemo and try to get clinical trial information. You could also get second opinions. Treatment could prolong his life, it may not, every patient is different. Treatment could also make his remaining days worse off.

Hospice is a wonderful service and I recommend them strongly if you decide to go that route. They can adjust medication according to his pain levels to make him as comfortable as possible and make his last days better. Good luck to you and your husband.

anne is asking · 06-21-2006, 10:23 PM

I am sorry to hear about your husband. I know that it is hard to see someone you love not only in pain, but leaving you. I am sure both your hearts ache. I agree, hospice is a great resource, for you and your husband. I am a firm believer, that you need to tell him your feelings of love and how important he has been in your life. Tell him everything you want to tell him and allow him to do the same. It will be very emotional. but healing comes from it, this allows him to leave peacefully and enables you to say, until we meet again, while cherishing the memories. I have lost several loved ones and there are those that I did not voice what a difference they made in my life, and the grieving was difficult because I had things I wish I had said. Then a very, very close loved one, I did let him know his affect on my life, and although I cried and cried when he died, I healed so much quicker, simply because I told him all of my feelings, I know he heard them and took them to heaven with him. Everyone is different, I just wanted to share what helps me through my grief. Best wishes and I will keep you both in my prayers.

winterwan · 06-22-2006, 06:26 PM

Dear Brighterday
Im new to this site but not new to anxiety and worry over loved ones. Im so sorry you are having to go through this, and sorry for your dear husband too
Ive just gone through a sad time with my sister who died in January with a brain tumour that spread to her spine.
In my experience you and your husband will get the help and comfort you need in a hospice it becomes a sort of extended family and it will help you to cope.
Ive seen the Hospice care from both sides, i spent 6 years working with terminally ill people as a carer, then saw it from a different angle with my sister when she became so ill.
In the later stages of cancer our loved ones will be sedated so they are pain free and will sleep most of the time, maybe waking now and again for a tiny sip of water or to hold our hand.
I know there are no words that will take this pain away from you, i wish i could. After sitting with my sister and my mum when they were dying i told them all the little things i wanted them to know, including how much i loved them and promised them i would be strong, afterward i found this comforting.
Iam keeping you in my thoughts
xxxx