reachout

Hi Marie

I am so sorry to read of your situation with Dad. I also lost my Pop to lung cancer and it was a time of turmoil for me.

I think that the gritting of the teeth is not a symptom of the cancer so much as it is to Dad's own thoughts about the cancer. Probably symptomatic of thoughts going on in his subconcious as he sleeps.

I have also had cancer. While I tried to be brave about it, there were many times I woke myself up from a sound sleep with loud moaning and groaning. Often I did not have pain, but was probably trying to come to twerms with the whole thing in my mind.

You know, my Pop was in the final stages of lung cancer as my Mom was being treated for breast cancer. I know that a big worry for him was that he was not taking her through her illness the way he wanted to do and he was worried about the burden on me. I walked into his room one day (he received hospice care in a nursing home) and he was moaning and very agitated in his sleep. I started talking to him and told him things I thought would ease his mind. I told him about insurance things and how all the money was in place and approved for his care as well as my Mom's. I told him how well she was doing and how many people were lined up to help with the daily rides to radiation for her. I told him how I was off from work to help and how my job was being saved for me. I told him how I was enjoying tending to his gardens in which he had spent so much time and effort in for so many years. I tried to address all the things that I knew would probably be weighing on his mind. And then I told him that he had no concerns anymore except to think about himself. His agitation truly calmed down. I really believed that he needed someone to acknowledge and address things that were weighing on him.

My Pop died within a week of that conversation. Perhaps he became more peaceful with the things that were weighing on him and understanding that his responsibilities to my Mom and his worry about me could end, he stopped fighting so hard because he knew it would be okay to let go of his worries. We spent that last week just enjoying each other. We played little hand held games and watched animal shows and sometimes just sat in the room. He was peaceful when he passed.

I certainly was more peaceful at his passing. So maybe, even if he can not respond, Dad would appreciate hearing about the things that might be worrying him. Talk to him about household matters, about finances and assure him that all is okay. Help him settle in his mind his affairs with his family. Then he is free to settle his affairs of himself and his maker.

Marie, as a daughter who was loved greatly, I know that our fathers put a great store in what we say to them. I think you can do a lot to help your Dad at this time with your voice and words. I wish you peace at this really difficult time.

With many good wishes
reach