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Old 01-30-2011, 06:05 PM   #1
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My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

Please give me any info on this.
My 13-year-old cousin tells me he has an itching, "warty" (his words) red-and-black mole on his penis head, and that it has been spreading for the last few months (I haven't seen it myself.)
He's freaking out, he thinks it is melanoma and they will cut his penis off. He says he doesn't want to go to a doctor, and he hasn't told his parents (he confides in me about a lot of things, I'm the same age as his dad.) What should I say to him? (It COULDN'T be melanoma, right? And they wouldn't take off his penis surely?)
Any thoughts? (Is he lying or trying to get attention?)

 
Old 01-30-2011, 06:12 PM   #2
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

No one knows what it is so the best thing to do is tell his parents. He is 13 and his fear and his sense of what he needs and doesn't need is immature so you have to be the mature one and tell his parents. I'm sure they wouldn't care if they did have to cut off his penis if it meant having him alive. At 13, he may not see it that way.

This is not the type of secret you keep. This could be nothing or life threatening and do you want to be the one to keep that secret if it is life threatening?

Do what is best for the kid and get him help.

A mom and grandmom.

 
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Old 01-30-2011, 06:46 PM   #3
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

What a nightmare.
I'll echo the poster above: as a mom and a grandma, I implore you to tell the child's parents, so they can help him.
If for some reason you don't think that's a good idea, take him to Planned Parenthood or another reproductive health clinic.
These clinics are not just for girls and women, and they do more than dispense birth control. They also screen for and treat STDs, cervical dysplasia, and a variety of other sexual health issues.
The boy needs to see a doctor.
Good luck!

 
Old 01-31-2011, 03:14 AM   #4
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

Thanks for your answers so far.
He's one heck of a smart kid, and he's done his "homework" online. He's hell-bent on not going to a doctor. I told him "it's probably nothing, tell your folks though" and he accused me of "patronizing" him (his own words! And come to think of it, I WAS patronizing him) but hopefully it IS nothing!
He's told me "we all got to die someday but who ever heard of somebody having to live 80 years as a dickless freak" and asked me, "who'd want to live to be a 100-year-old virgin anyway?"
How do I answer that? He's mature beyond his years, and if it was me I'd probably think the same... and I'm WAY older than him.
So... what do I say to him? Anybody here with a medical background, who can HONESTLY vouch that it's probably nothing (an infection or rash or something?) so he'll tell his parents and get taken care of? (He mentioned killing himself were he to get the "wrong news"...)
There really is ZERO chance he'd lose part of his penis... right? (He says the "mole" is about half an inch across, feels "thick", itches and bleeds sometimes... an infection, perhaps?)

Last edited by GJBGGG; 01-31-2011 at 03:20 AM.

 
Old 01-31-2011, 04:19 AM   #5
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

Of course he could lose part or all of his penis, if the lesion is malignant.
The sooner he takes care of it, the less of it he might lose.
At 13, it is not his choice. He is not competent to make such a choice, regardless of how "smart" he is.
Are you a parent?
Tell his mother and father, immediately.
Can you imagine if women you cared about were throwing their lives away because they didn't want to live as "freaks", minus a breast or a uterus?
Cancer happens. Deal with it.
That's rule one of being a grown-up: deal with what comes your way.
Since your cousin has let things get to this point, he's obviously not thinking in a mature and rational matter.
It's time for you to put this information in the hands of his legal guardians.
And please: hurry.

Last edited by Kali333; 01-31-2011 at 04:21 AM.

 
Old 01-31-2011, 03:26 PM   #6
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

The fact that he won't see a doctor actually tells me he is not wise beyond his years but actually quite immature and scared.

What does he think he can do looking at the internet?

He's totally jumped the gun on the diagnosis and assumption that he would have to have his penis cut off. He's being totally ridiculous and is just showing his immaturity.

Chances are it's nothing and will only require cosmetic removal which he should get done sooner rather than later. Regardless of what it is, he should have it looked at.

 
Old 01-31-2011, 04:44 PM   #7
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

One last thought on this matter: suppose it is cancer, and you loyally keep his secret until it metastasizes and it's too late to cure it.
Now suppose, on his death bed, he mentions to mom and dad that he told you about it months and months ago.

I'd be concerned about legal, if not criminal, liability, if you choose to keep silent on this.
Thirteen is not old enough to command this sort of misguided loyalty from a man who is old enough to be his father.
He must see a doctor. It is not his right not to see one.
It is his parents' right to be aware that their child is suffering from a potentially life-threatening condition.

In truth, considering the fact that the boy has not been sexually active, I can't imagine many things it could be that wouldn't be serious. If it isn't cancer, then perhaps it's a staph infection or something, but even so he could stand to lose part of his penis if he doesn't have this treated immediately.

He might be mad at you if you tell. But in the end, you'll be everybody's hero if you're the one who forces him to seek medical help before the situation becomes serious enough to warrant amputation or other radical measures. Just think: he'll thank you for it for the rest of his life, as will his parents.

 
Old 01-31-2011, 06:46 PM   #8
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

GJBGGG....you are 42 years old. Don't tell me you don't see why you should tell his parents. He is 13. Don't you remember how emotional and irrational age 13 is?

What if you don't tell anyone and he ends up dead thanks to your silence...how will you live with yourself?

You don't play games with the life of a child(and he is a child by legal definition). Your silence is may be killing him.

His life is far more important than his penis whether you or he think otherwise. And a penis can be totally rebuilt if he did....just like breast reconstruction. He won't lose anything except possibly his life if someone doesn't do the adult thing and tell his parents.

Maybe he'd like to see 42 some day too but he may not of you don't do the adult thing.

 
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:58 PM   #9
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kali333 View Post
One last thought on this matter: suppose it is cancer, and you loyally keep his secret until it metastasizes and it's too late to cure it.
Now suppose, on his death bed, he mentions to mom and dad that he told you about it months and months ago.

I'd be concerned about legal, if not criminal, liability, if you choose to keep silent on this.
Thirteen is not old enough to command this sort of misguided loyalty from a man who is old enough to be his father.
He must see a doctor. It is not his right not to see one.
It is his parents' right to be aware that their child is suffering from a potentially life-threatening condition.

In truth, considering the fact that the boy has not been sexually active, I can't imagine many things it could be that wouldn't be serious. If it isn't cancer, then perhaps it's a staph infection or something, but even so he could stand to lose part of his penis if he doesn't have this treated immediately.

He might be mad at you if you tell. But in the end, you'll be everybody's hero if you're the one who forces him to seek medical help before the situation becomes serious enough to warrant amputation or other radical measures. Just think: he'll thank you for it for the rest of his life, as will his parents.
_______________________________
Kali333,
He made me swear I'd tell nobody; but it doesn't matter now. I got him to promise ME he'd show it to his mom today.
How? I LIED to him... told him I was sure it was a "yeast infection"... "you know, like the women on TV commercials that you like to poke fun of"... I told him I learned all about yeast infections "in college."
That got him laughing after a few "yeasty women" and sheep humping jokes; I got a promise out of him to tell his parents though, because it might get "drug resistant" if he let it go too long.
IF this turns out to be cancer... well, I can lie again and play dumb I guess. He'll never have to know I "set him up" for this.
So I don't have to worry about him not forgiving me; but if there's a God, well...
Any entity I'd honor with the name "God" would send me straight to Hell for this. Because truth be told, I'D rather die myself than undergo the sort of "change" we're talking about here (and quite possibly UNLIKE this kid in his future, I got a chance to sow my oats. What sort of Hell might HE about to enter..?)

 
Old 01-31-2011, 08:13 PM   #10
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

I've done some quick research and come up with some reassuring facts:

1. Penile cancer is rare in the US. There are approximately 1,300 cases per year.

2. Most cases are associated with the HPV virus, which your cousin would not have, since he isn't sexually active.

3. This type of cancer is slow-growing, and spread to other parts of the body is rare.

4. The cure rate is 95%, if caught in the early stages.

5. Tumors are removed by local excision; that is, removal of the lesion itself, and a margin of 2 cm of normal tissue around it.

So in other words, if it was cancer- worst case scenario- all they'd probably remove would be the lesion itself plus 2 cm of normal flesh.

He can live without 2 cm of his penis. That's nothing.

 
Old 01-31-2011, 08:58 PM   #11
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

Isn't melanoma different from what you described? (That's what the kid googled after all, and would be more likely in a youngster right?)

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-01-2011 at 05:37 PM. Reason: Unnecessary quote removed.

 
Old 02-01-2011, 08:49 AM   #12
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

GJB....did it ever dawn on you that your cousin came to you because he trusts you to get him help?

What if he confided in you that he was being molested? Would you keep that secret too or would you tell someone and get him help?

He came to someone 29 years his elder for a reason....he wants help but doesn't know how to ask for it and is very scared. It's really hard to tell your mom you have a problem with your penis. Probably easier to tell his father than his mother.

Whether he's afraid of melanoma(even rarer than penile cancer statistically) or anything, he reached out to you because he is scared and wants help. If he wasn't, he'd keep it to himself.

Promises go out the door when things like abuse or illness come into play. Kids will always demand you promise but they actually want you to break it...that is why they ask an adult because they know the adult will do something and not play silly childlike games about keeping secrets.

I've worked in the field of child abuse for 25 years and I've seen this scenario over and over again...they want help but are scared to death and so they tell an adult they like because they know that adult will get them help. Stop putting yourself in this child's shoes and instead, try putting yourself in his father's shoes.....how would he react to finding out his son is sick and an adult family member withheld the info? How would you feel if it was your son? Would you rather your son die than get treatment or would you rather your son live and be treated?

You have to stop coming down to his 13 year old level and be the 42 year old adult he's trusting to help him. He's looking up to you to help him....don't go down to his level and imagine the worst and hide. Teach him how a man handles this and not how a scared little kid does.

Promises don't count when the result of keeping that promise can end a life. Same thing we teach children about abuse.....the abuser makes you promise not to tell but promises don't count when it comes to things that are life threatening. No difference.

 
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Old 02-01-2011, 02:21 PM   #13
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

Jennybyc, Kali333:
I told his mother today; may God forgive me (if such an entity exists.)
I'll just put my money on it being nothing. Too late to wash my hands of it otherwise.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-01-2011 at 05:36 PM. Reason: It is not necessary to quote the post above yours. Thanks.

 
Old 02-01-2011, 04:10 PM   #14
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

Quote:
Originally Posted by GJBGGG View Post
______________________________
Jennybyc, Kali333:
I told his mother today; may God forgive me (if such an entity exists.)
I'll just put my money on it being nothing. Too late to wash my hands of it otherwise.

I'm glad. You did the right thing.
I'll send positive thoughts his way.

Take care.

 
Old 02-01-2011, 04:13 PM   #15
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Re: My younger cousin has a spreading mole on his penis head...

Thank you. For your cousin's sake and yours. You did the right thing no matter what he might think. I take it when he said he would tell her, he didn't? No surprise there. He needed you to tell for him. That was why he went to you. He may act mad at you but I can guarantee, inside he is grateful. That's what being 13 is all about.

You did the right thing.

hugs...........Jenny

 
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