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Old 05-10-2011, 10:48 AM   #1
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Do I listen to my moms wishes?

My mom has just had a CT scan and they have found a spot on each lung, a mass on her kidney and a couple spots on her liver. Back in September the CT scan showed nothing. I live in VA and she lives in UT and she is in denial that she can not be "fixed"...she has also not told me about this, her husband told me the full truth.....She is so weak she does nothing but sleep and only weighs 82 lbs at this point....I am so concerned I am not sure what to do, I want to go out there to be there for her and her husband ASAP but she does not want me to come right now. I have not been out there to see her since my son was 3 months old and her is now 4 yrs old, I am trying to come to terms with the worst and want to see her before she does not even know we are there but she tells me not to come right now....what do I do?

 
Old 05-10-2011, 02:42 PM   #2
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Re: Do I listen to my moms wishes?

My opinion for what it's worth is that I bet if you turned up she would be over the moon. She probably worries about upsetting you, but that is going to happen either way. I don't know your Mum but I would bet she'd love a cuddle and a cry on your shoulder. Hope things work out for you



Quote:
Originally Posted by rexilee07 View Post
My mom has just had a CT scan and they have found a spot on each lung, a mass on her kidney and a couple spots on her liver. Back in September the CT scan showed nothing. I live in VA and she lives in UT and she is in denial that she can not be "fixed"...she has also not told me about this, her husband told me the full truth.....She is so weak she does nothing but sleep and only weighs 82 lbs at this point....I am so concerned I am not sure what to do, I want to go out there to be there for her and her husband ASAP but she does not want me to come right now. I have not been out there to see her since my son was 3 months old and her is now 4 yrs old, I am trying to come to terms with the worst and want to see her before she does not even know we are there but she tells me not to come right now....what do I do?

 
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Old 05-11-2011, 11:53 AM   #3
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Re: Do I listen to my moms wishes?

Hello rexilee

I am very sorry to hear of your Mom's illness. I do agree with Sooky on the visit. Go now. I will say that when I was enduring cancer treatment and was very ill and weak, I didn't want visitors around. I needed quiet, peacefulness, you know? Didn't feel up to being social. However, that being said, I think a visit from you would ultimately be welcomed. It might be best to stay in a motel so your child does not have to be restricted to being still and quiet, but I would make the visit.

As far as any treatment, that really must be the individual's choice. I was still young (45) and strong and the chemo nearly killed me. I was scheduled for 6 treatments, but stopped after 4 as I knew my body could not take anymore. Although my cancer was in my thigh, I was actually given the chemo protocol for lung cancer. (long story) Really a harsh course of treatment. If Mom is already so very weak, she may just choose to live out her life in the most peaceful possible. I was glad when my family and doctors respected my wishes.

Again, I am sorry about the situation. I hope you are able to see her, love her, hug her and let her see the baby. Wishing you well in this difficult time.

reach

 
Old 05-18-2011, 08:26 PM   #4
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Re: Do I listen to my moms wishes?

Hello rexilee,

Go and see her. Be respectful and give her space. But go and see her for yourself. She won't turn you away. She may be afraid to see you because that may make things seem as serious as they are. But it is also important how you will feel. Have grace towards her is she is distant or doesn't want to talk. Sit by her. Watch TV with her. You may choose to take your son with or not. This is about you and your Mother and he may be too young to be quiet or understand. Above all, whatever you choose to do, have no regrets. If you choose not to go to honor your Mother's request, have no regrets. If you choose to go because you need to see her, have no regrets. Trust your heart.
Just my thoughts.
Scriby

 
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