Hello I am a first time poster if you will!
We have just gotten the news that my mom has adenocarcinoma in her left lung which has metastized to her ribs bilaterally, lymph nodes in her chest, right clavicle, hips bilaterally, left femur, and two brain tumors. Intially she was going to do chemo. until she found out about the brain tumors and said she wasn't going to seek treatment. We (my sister and I) agreed with her decision whole heartedly, yet we groan with the decision too. She is dying before our eyes...rapidly! She has always been an independent type woman and losing this is so difficult for her. She is forgetting alot of stuff also and this is growing more intense for her her. She tries to hide her feelings to protect us, but she is suffering so. I just want to do something and I don't know how. I am hoping if you have been in this situation you might offer some guidance and thoughts on the matter. Realizing that this is going to be a very painful path we are on, I am seeking all the help I can find.
Many blessings to you all.
My Dad pretty much was diagnosed the same thing 11 years ago. He had a brain tumor removed, but the origination of the cancer was the lung. By the time he showed symptoms to us it was already well spread throughout his body. He opted to have some radiation, a doctor basically gave him false hopes of having some good quality of life left. The radiation did nothing but erode away his spirits. We kept him home and brought in hospice. His wish was to die at home among his family. I took time off from work to help my mother 24/7 take care of him. He went downhill rapidly. It was probably 6-10 weeks and it was not good quality, I am being perfectly honest here. He was pretty much bedridden, and that was not good for him as he was always a very active man. My mother and I had to get him onto the commode very frequently and hold him so he could go to the bathroom. We took care of all his hygiene issues, kept him clean and when he couldn't speak or swallow anymore I used to bring him those mouth swabs and cool water for him, one of the worst things was the dry mouth, he couldn't tell me but I knew..We had to give him morphine suppositories for the pain, and at the end a very caring hospice nurse had rushed to me a very large dose of morphine which my brother and I administered to him rectally. Now I am not going to say that we helped him ease into death that night, but he died peacefully the next morning..I have no regrets. One thing I would say is without those hospice nurses I would have been lost. They gave us a pamphlet on what to expect from a dying patient, how the body gradually shuts down. Death does not come quickly or easily for cancer patients. What the caregivers should recognize is that it is a very trying time, especially if you are going to keep the patient at home. I am glad we did it. It was exhausting and so loaded with emotion but I would never have done it any other way. Patience and love..lots of love. I realized I could never give my Dad enough love during that time. I miss him to this day, and I know he visits me often..blessings and peace be with you...
my deepest empathy. all you can do is make her comfortable, tell her you love her and it's okay to leave. giving the gift of permission to go brings peace to the person dying. i will pray her time comes quickly for her sake, and offer prayers for loving acceptance and peace for you and your family.
i have been thru this and the one thing i leared is to let go of my need and respect the peace death brings to those who suffer. my dad died when i was 21. cancer also. he taught me to have respect for the process of life. how to let go. no i was not able at that age. but i learned.
watching is hard, the hardest. yet it is also an honor to serve the woman who gave you life in her last days. may she know peace soon and with a minimum of pain.
Wow, I too have Adenocarcinoma. In my lungs, lymph nodes, liver and intestines. I'm 27. I was diagnosed in 2009. I need a new liver, but will not get one due to the cancer being the other places. I was told chemo and radiation was not an option.
Just know how hard it is on us. I feel like a burden to my family at times. Think my husband would be better off. I have no kids. I feel so alone sometimes. I cry myself to sleep. My Nana was the rock of our family, cancer took her in 2001. She told me I was to take her place as the rock, I was 17. Now 10 years later, I have cancer. I feel like I'm letting my family down. Please, let her know how much you love her and want her to be okay. Knowing that my family loves me as they do, helps some. But you must realize that there is not much that you can tell her, besides "I love you. It's okay to cry and be angry. And she's not giving up. She's just ready to go home." And honestly, she has so much to look forward to on the other side. I miss my Nana everyday. I wish I had her to tell me these things that I had to realize on my own. Without my family, I would be nothing right now. I am so sorry. Ask me anything. I am very open....just not with my family. Like your mother, I don't want to stress anyone out or upset them.