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Old 08-11-2012, 04:59 PM   #1
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At wits end

I will make this as quick as I can.
Male-married-4 kids-love my wife

1 - diagnosed with prostate cancer and it mesticulated (sp) to bone cancer. I beat them both.
2 - the root of the problem seems to be VERY high testosterone levels which lead to the prostate cancer.
3 - My Gleason and PSA are off the charts high. Now they are concerned it may come back with a vengeance.
4 - My Urologist told me two years ago all I had to do was ejaculate more and I could help get my hormone levels down.
5- With four kids, and three dogs, it's tough to find the time and the hot and cold shower trick gets old.
6 - Plus wife is over 40 and not as driven as me. She may have been back in the day, but not now. It drives me nuts (no pun intended)
7 - I just got blood results back that signaled to lymphoma and of course the prostate levels are off the chart.
8 - I've already gone through chemo and radiation and want to protect my family from having to go through that again.
9 - I've faced death once and won. I want to protect them and not worry them and do not know what to do.
10 - I am tired of doctor's and worrying.

I just need advice.

 
Old 08-12-2012, 12:39 AM   #2
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Re: At wits end

Hi Kodiakman. I'm afraid I can't offer medical advice. But I can tell you that you are not doing anyone a favor, including yourself, by keeping this a secret. I understand that you want to spare your family. But you can't do it for long. And if you have another battle ahead, you need their support as much as they need to give it. If I were in their place, I would be hurt that you didn't give me that chance to be there for you, and for as many more times as it takes. I don't think your family is keeping score. They love you. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you put everything you had into being there for one of them, and for as many times as they needed you? That's family, my friend. Tell them what's going on and let them give you that strength you're needing right now. Hang in there. Let us know how things are going with you. Keeping you in prayer.

 
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Old 08-16-2012, 09:22 AM   #3
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Re: At wits end

That is sage advice Aunt Nanc.

I have always been one to "push it down" and have grace under pressure but with the new results I am not myself and not fun to be around...and that's not me.

I did tell my wife, she has already been through one round of this when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. She just started a new job that is very taxing and she is the type that wants to just ignore or push things down too.

Don't get me wrong, I am madly in love with her. We had love at first sight almost seven years ago, but she is not the most supportive person. Her ways of support is cook a good meal or make sure the laundry is done and the bills are paid. That is all well and good and appreciated, but I am looking death in the face.

I am worried. I am scared. I want to fight back, but I was told if it (the C) comes back again it is going to come back with a vengence. I guess they were right.

I just need some binary qualitative advice so I can get my head on straight and not have this fear of death burden on the shoulders.

 
Old 08-17-2012, 11:26 AM   #4
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Re: At wits end

We all deal with our fears differently. Sounds like your wife is coping with hers in the only way she knows how, by keeping everything within her power - the family and the house - running as smoothly as she can. I suspect she's every bit as afraid as you are. But, if she's not one who talks easily about her feelings under normal circumstances, then it's expected she's going to shove these fears way under the surface. I'm just sorry that leaves you without the support you need right now.

You fought this before and you have it in you to fight again. You do. Don't let the fear take over. Set your mind of the positives and get busy.

Have you considered a support group or a counselor... or both? There you would find people who know what you're dealing with, understand where you're coming from and who are ready to support and advise you. You need to talk it out and receive support from someone. Check with your doctor and with your hospital. They'll be able to refer you to the right support. There are also cancer boards here where you can also find support from people who know what you're going through. Looks like there's a separate board for each type of cancer. I don't know what your faith is, but personally, I have found prayer to be a tremendous support when I have no where else to go. And, in the meantime, if you need to blow off steam or find some quick support, come on back. I can listen.

Praying for your strength and healing.

 
Old 08-17-2012, 12:19 PM   #5
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Re: At wits end

I love my wife even more than she probably evens knows. She is beautiful, funny, smart and a caring mother. I brag to her to total strangers. I have never loved a woman as much as I do her...and yes I've been with few.

However, she does not deal well with pressure. Her mother died of cancer. She does not like talking about it and I just need a shoulder to lean on so I am not taking all this on myself.

I am trying too because I love her and my family so much, but I just can't really break down and tell her because she will not handle it well.

I just want to protect my family from fear, get honest information about the C and know my options and build my life and be the husband and father I used to be before all this happened,

Last edited by Administrator; 08-17-2012 at 09:48 PM.

 
Old 08-19-2012, 07:57 PM   #6
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Re: At wits end

She knows something is up and instead of being supportive has threatened to leave me. I was just trying to protect her because I love her.

 
Old 09-01-2012, 03:21 PM   #7
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Re: At wits end

Hi Kodiakman. Finally back on the boards after getting the boot for a time. Anyway, was wondering how you're doing. Sorry to read your last post. Just wanted you know I'm still thinking about you and praying for you. Keep fighting. Hope things are looking up soon.

 
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