help - Caregivers Message Board

monacks · 02-27-2004, 08:39 AM

My step father has had several tia's (mini strokes) over the last 4 months. He is physically able to do most everything, but mentally he is not quite all right. My mom is taking care of him and he is becoming increasingly mentally abusive to her. She in turn is becoming depressed. She won't talk to any of her friends. But she came over to my house this week with a suitcase, asking to stay a few days and she's been calling me ten times per day crying. I don't know how to help her. I feel horrible for her, but I've got a job and two small children and a stressful marriage, and I'm starting to get stressed out. She has no internet access. I need some ideas of what to tell her to do, ie books to read, counseling. Anything please.

Cindy Stoller · 03-03-2004, 08:23 PM

The first thing I'd do is put her in touch with your local senior center. They offer quite a few programs designed to help her situation. They can arrange someone to watch over him while she spends some time away during the day. The can get him involved in activities appropriate for his skills. They can even evaluate him for placement in the proper facility if that's what is needed.
There's lots of help out there - put it to good use!
Good luck

SnowyLynne63 · 03-03-2004, 09:04 PM

Can your Mom get him to a Neurologist?He sounds like someone with possable Alzhemer's,only due to srokes,wich is called Vad.The Dr.can prescribe medications to help him,If she can get him to go...........

rosie53 · 03-04-2004, 08:34 AM

Hi,
I am married with a teenage daughter and my parents moved into an addition in our home 2 years ago. My mother is dying from COPD and many complications and my 87 year old father is her caretaker during the day when we are all at work and school. We learned through necessity to find the help that's out there. Your mother is in need of help, which she clearly stated by showing up at your door with suitcases, and as one person who replied to your post said, there is lots of it. Is your father on medicare? If so, he qualifies for services. So contacting your local senior center is a great idea and they will refer you to the organizations in your area. Don't wait. It is a very hard thing to do but as our parents get older, we need to take the bull by the horns and advocate for them. It doesn't mean we personally need to take over all the care, but we can help them get what they need. Good luck!