Caregiver or empty nest filler?? - Caregivers Message Board

TheBrat · 03-05-2002, 01:16 AM

I moved in with my grandmother to help me and her out. I knew I would not like it. Before I moved in, she hurt her back and I had to come down here early. She spent about a week in the hospital and had home health come out to check on her and for physical therapy. Now she is lots better. I really see no reason for me to be here at all. I will NOT be able to find a job around here. Therefore, I will have to drive an hour to and from work and I just don't think that I can. Mainly, because I have done it before.

The room she gave me has no windows at all. It is like a giant closet with 2 doors. She is always afraid we are going to get robbed or raped. I really could care less. I think if she is afraid to live here than she should move. I hate the fact that I have no privacy. I think she opens my mail and goes through my things. I think she donated some of my craft supplies that I had just bought. It really ****es me off. I am beginning to resent her and I felt like slapping her when she was in my room yesterday. I have no job. I had to give away alot of my furniture. My cat has to stay outside (he's an indoor cat) and she still gripes about him.

My 40 year old uncle moved out in May. I am not a party to that at all. I feel like a loser because I live with an older relative. She does nothing but criticize. I tried playing board games with her. She doesn't even try to win.

friendlione · 03-15-2002, 06:03 PM

TheBrat:

Do you call yourself the brat for a reason?

Your arrangement does not seem to be helping anyone, and it may ruin your relationship forever.
Old folks often have set and/or eccentric ideas
that no one can change. She must feel too vulnerable.
If you don't want to be there, you don't have to, you know. She may realize she doesn't need or want you there, either. You should talk about it.

What is stopping you from moving out?

Maybe you should have an open talk and tell her that you can't stay where you have no window or privacy.
About driving an hour each way, that is not a long commute, really. Many people drive much further.
And it would mean less time you are in the house.

You could put a lock on your door, and get a post office box for your mail.

You could commute until you saved enough to move closer to your job. Getting to know other people on the job may help you find a roommate, if you want one.
Don't just sit in the house though, get out and get work so you can make your own choices.

babesbarn · 03-22-2002, 06:29 AM

I really understand how you feel. I have been trapped in this prison for five years and it is really taxing. I love my husband. Unlike you I never even considered slapping him. ON the contrary I have done all I can to try to fix him desperately with hopes that I can make him better.

Now the problem is that I am a prisoner and I know I have Caregivers Stress. I fit all ten of the symtoms.

I use to think my life was worth something, now I can't even go to sleep unless I dream he is in need of me.

I am a college graduate and I go nowhere. My dog is very aged and my only friend and I expect her to be gone before too much longer.

You should get out NOW! IF you are thinking of slapping someone who is in need of care, it is best to go while you still like yourself a smidge. Caregivers are not helped and your family will probably back off because as long as you are there, they don't have to worry. Let someone else worry. Someone with more patience.You are too soon in the situation with anger already so it is best to leave.

Don't feel guilty, just go!