How can we help caregievers or show support for loved ones that are ill? - Caregivers Message Board

Lorie416 · 01-28-2002, 09:13 AM

My father recently died after fighting Multiple Myeloma and Hemochromatosis. Within 7 weeks of his death my aunt and uncle also died, but of different types of cancer. Needless to say, the past couple years have not been good. My mother was the main caretaker for my father and my sister and I would stay 3-4 days at a time at the house to help. Nobody understands what it is truly like to take care of a loved one that is so ill until you actually live it. It is so hard on everyone!!

Luckily, my parents have some great friends who did some fantastic things to help us out. Some would take my dad to dr's appts, others cooked meals, others would just visit, some would drop off videos for my dad, etc. I would never have thought to do some of the things people did, so I thought I would begin a collection of nice things that people can do for the caregiver or the ill person that really show you care. I would love to hear what others have experienced. What have people done for you that was really helpful or what did they do for the ill individual?

babesbarn · 03-22-2002, 06:38 AM

I hope that you get this message. I see it has been a couple months since you posted it.

NO one has done one thing to help me. My husbands family has no care what happens to him. He was always in a wheelchair and self sufficient. But when he contracted mono a few years ago it was downhill and post polio took over too.

One time, my husbands arthritis crippled him so much in his spine that the ambulance was called and the doctors said his scoliois was so bad that he may have to spend the rest of his life in bed. He has not completely gotten there yet.
At that time, I called a aunt he had who lives seven miles away and was always saying..If you need something honey, call Aunt Eva.

Well I did and all I said to her was "If you are ever in this area, not today or tomorrow, anytime even in a month, could you just drop something by no matter how small in a covered dish or bread or something to save me a trip to the store..anything!"

She replied this way! "I NEVER get over your way, I could never do that".

How do you think THAT made me feel. I knew she did not drive. But, she goes out every single day and she has other people from her church (who live in my town) to pick her up for lunch dates, doctor pedicure appts. And I found out she even had lunch around the block with the Italian American Club a few weeks later.

I was devastated. And this is the way it is with everyone. She is a christian too. His family could care less. So anyway, you asked. People admire me and all I can say is...one day their turn will come around and see if I help them out. For certain they will be calling experienced me.

Browneyedgirl4God · 05-02-2002, 03:11 PM

My husband has Hemochromatosis, as you said your father did. He also has Hepatitis C. By the time he was diagnosed with the Iron Overload, he had a 97% saturation of iron in his vital organs, especially the liver. He went for a twice weekly phlebotomy regularly for eighteen months. I worked, earning as much money in two days at a nurses registry, as most people make in a week, so I was able to care for my husband during the other five days. A few years later I became very ill, and was diagnosed with Congenital Common Variable Immune Deficiency Disease. I was near death when I began to receive Immune Globulin IV's every three to four weeks. We have been members of two wonderful neighborhood churches. Our Christian family has made us dinners whenever we needed them to, taken us to and from the doctor, even if the doctor was at a University forty miles away. They have replaced the leaking roof on our house, to the tune of $7,000.00. They painted our house, and cleaned up the whole yard, which was a huge job! We hadn't been well enough to take care of it for years. They replaced our screened in porch when termites had eaten through the wooden beams that supported the house. A friend, not affiliated with the church, had the inside of our house painted, and put new Burber carpet down. Another friend brought her whole family, and they cooked and delivered the most wonderful tasting holiday dinners. The city that we live in delivered Christmas gifts for our fifteen year old daughter. A friend of means, sent money for a couple of years, every month to cover the cost of our medicine, and other medical needs. The money that she and her husband sent also paid for a weekly cleaning by a maid, and for someone to run our errands for us. Our church delivers a package of food every month, that includes fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, wonderful meat and desserts. Friends send money in the form of a money order or put cash in an envelope, without signing their names. I could go on forever about how we have been blessed! The Lord must have prompted each of these wonderful people to do these acts of kindness.

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What doesn't overcome us, makes us stronger!

Lorie416 · 05-03-2002, 07:51 PM

Thank you so much for your e-mails. I made notes from both of the postings and encourage others to think of generous things people have done for those that are ill or are taking care of an ill person. Until you go through it, you have know idea how much a meal, or money, or handywork, or whatever it is - means!!

minxkely · 05-06-2002, 08:16 PM

I noticed these posts because of the mention of hemochromatosis. my husband was just diagnosed with this and after years of being my caregiver we are now reversing roles. I have had diabetes for a few years, meniere's disease, and all of this started about 12 years ago when I have a bout of endemetrial hyperplasia and had to have a few months of not fun hormone treatments. ever since then my entire system has been in chaos.

anyway the smallest things that people just take for granted can mean so much. hubby works full time, lots of overtime, but when his treatment for the iron condition begins he will have to cut back. he takes care of all the house stuff and I have a nephew who lives closeby that used to come over and do the yardwork, car repairs, you name it, but he graduates high school this month and goes off to college soon. I don't know who I will find to help me do everything.

even things like laundry and watering the garden can make a huge difference when you are not up to the task.

just my two cents.
Colleen in chicago