Caregivers - Caregivers Message Board

brattimary · 08-23-2002, 09:33 AM

I am not sure how to start. I am just so frusterated. Months ago my boyfriend and I had to move into his mother's home to care for her. She is in a hospital bed at home after breaking her hip in December. She has been on hospice for 7 years for her heart and has emphysema. We have watched her getting worse and it really tugs at one's heart. There really isnt anything she can do anymore but we do put her in her wheelchair and take her to bingo whenever she wants to go. The thing I need advise on is what to do when she starts having her tantrums as soon as we get up in the morning and they last all day long. I am in the middle of her and her son trying to keep the peace. It really takes a toll on me. He just came home off life support not too long ago for his heart. How do I keep them both calm? How do I keep my sanity? Can anyone offer any advise? Thank you.

Marie55 · 10-22-2002, 09:47 PM

This is a difficult situation, however, you must find a way to keep both of them calm. Both are frustrated these days and taking their frustrations out on the one they love, in this case, each other.

If you can find someone willing to come and visit with his mother once a week it would give her something to think about besides venting on her son.

Stress is bad for everyone in the picture. Maybe you could call for time out and send each to their rooms until things cool down.

Since you are living in her home she no doubts feels she can call all terms. Maybe a good heart to heart talk about who will care for her when you feel the need to leave for your own health sake. Ask her if she is ready to go to a nursing home, if not, then please keep peace so you can continue to live with her and help her enjoy life to the end.

Marie

ww47w · 12-20-2002, 06:18 AM

Brattimary, how old is your mother in law?

Sissyloo · 12-29-2002, 08:33 AM

Hey I wanted to reply because my Grandmother died 31/2 months ago from lung cancer it was hard on my family. She had to have someone to staying with her every nightand every day .Every one else worked and I only had a partime job and a sister who was a house wife so her and I were the ones who did the most I live about 30 miles away from her and had a Dh who I had to take care of to. But we took turns every night and day and also had to staying up all night with her the pain was bad and she couldn't take hardly any oxgyn. Her tamper got worst. My sister recenty had a baby that was steal born and my grandmother during one of her fits told her she killed her on baby. We had water throwed at us , hit to many times to count. She also had hospice and they were great. they explaned what would happien to her and was there very time you called. They told us that when a person is dieing their body goes through all kinds of changes that they can't control. If your mother in law is doing this and saying mean things belive me she doesn't relize she is doing it until it is to late. My advise to you and your Dh is when she starts try to talk her and get her to relax for about 5 to 10 mins and if you don't see any change then leave the room make sure she can't hurt her self you and your Dh walk into a room to where you can steal hear her and when it is over then go back in there and tell her how much you care for her and that you know she is angry and it is okay to get mad. That is what is hard about this is you have to relize that she isn't the same person she was this is a new person and she will never be able to do the things she use to. This is a new life for her with only one ending. Also try to get her out as much as you can even if it is just outside. Play games with her or any other activity she likes belive me it does matter now the damage has already been to her health ask her if there is anything she wanted to do and never got to. Do any it take to keep her happy ,my grandmother became very depressed and the hospise put her on some antidepression meds. They may need to do the same for her. I know this is long but I hope it will help. just remember always take a break. I'll keep you in my prayers
God bless..
Sissyloo