Help!! please.. - Caregivers Message Board

cantholdmd · 01-05-2003, 02:32 PM

hello everyone..i need some serious help =/

i take care of a 79 year old diabetic woman whos had 2 strokes which have compeletly destoryed her left side

that said shes not a nice person at all and has the same routine every single day...her route is killing my life....

she stays downstairs and watches TV in her room until 2am-3am every night..goes up and goes to bed...

i go to bed and wake up around 11-1130 ish and get her blood sugar reading..then an hour later ask her to get up its NO..30 mins later..NO..30 mins later..NO..until about 330 pm and hse gets up..then i get her up and wash her ...and the next 2 hours she will sit and put her make up and deoderant etc. on....so basically she gets downstairs about 6-7pm which is redicolous.....i would say out of a week she is nice about 1 day...she has to have every single thing in her house they way she wants it..such as the door open at all times...to only watching her special channel..to what she eats...to having lights on and off....and if you forget or dont comply right away she has a outburst is extremely mean to me...

what im trying to get at is what can i do to improve my situation..her doctor said maybe Depression meds..im thinking she needed this allher life because her son tells me shes always been like this

any advice or help i woudl much appreciate..THANKS

Sissyloo · 01-05-2003, 08:37 PM

Hi I read your message and I know how you feel. Are you related to this woman? I had to care for my Grandmother who was dieing from cancer. It was six months before it finally took her. I thought I was going to die it's hard because you get very close. It was 6 mos. of getting mean and she stopped eating , lost weight, And the pain for her was awful. It sounds like to me that she is feeling sorry for her self. They gave my grandmother depression meds and it helped .And it sounds like they need to do the same for her.Try to get her to do more find stuff that she use to be interested in. Make her get out more even if it is just outside. Is the son helping any? There is noway you can do it alone. And when she starts yelling or being mean just tell her that your going out of the room and when she decide to show you some respect then you will come back in .I had to talk to my grandmother that way and beleive me it was the hardest thing I ever did to her. But it has to be done. Make her understand that her life is not over yet. Have you ever tried to get her a gift or something. Try anything to make her open up to you. Don't just be her caregiver be her friend. I know that is a hard thing to say when someone is treating you like dirt. But it may help things. And if she doesn't what to get out of bed. then sit with her and talk to her have breakfast together if that is what it takes. I really don't know any of this will help but if you what to ask me anymore question just reply and I will answer. Or just need someone to talk to. Sometimes take a little time for yourself. That is very important to. I'll keep you in my prayers.Please keep me posted.
Sissyloo

crowepps · 02-01-2003, 02:07 PM

Is it possible that she has obsessive compulsive disorder? If so, there are medications for that which could help. Talk to her doctor about it. As far as the schedule, I don't know what to tell you. It might be easier for you to change your schedule to match hers, but that depends on what else you have going on in your life. The 'being mean' is a tough one. It is very, very hard not to take it personally, but with my Mom I have to just leave the room until I can handle it. It's like when little children say I hate you, it doesn't mean anything, it's just an expression of their frustration. Do you have respite? Hospice or your local hospital may be able to give you a referral. Hang in there!