Help from far away. - Caregivers Message Board

bearcub · 03-24-2003, 02:39 PM

Short explaination, my mom is in her 50's. I am the eldest daughter of 4, I live out of state, my sister is still a minor living with my mom. She is very sick physically, will not leave the house, has other mental and physical problems. She has a social worker, and is on SSI, and so she does have resources, but she will not go to a doctor, and I doubt one would be let in the house if they showed up. My sisters are all very stressed, I can not help much from here. What are my options here? I truly think she might die from this, she weighs about 80 pounds, and one sickness could wipe her out. Can I call the health department? Or have my sisters call an ambulance? What do we do if she will not let anyone help her? I feel guilty not doing anything, but she doesn't leave much choice, she is very determined not to be helped. She has not left the house in many years. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.

hootie · 03-27-2003, 07:19 AM

I don't know if I can help, but I can tell you what I think. I don't know what state your mother lives in, but the laws in my state say that an adult can refuse any and all medical care if they want to. It cannot be forced upon them as long as they are conscious and haven't been declared incompetent by a judge. My Dad would not go to doctors nor take medicine. He did live to age 93 and I just provided basic comforts till he died peacefully at home. Since your mother is in her 50's, I know that you are very concerned about her and have probably tried all your best reasoning with her. There may be nothing you can do except try to be there for her if she changes her mind. The only other thing I can think of is to have her declared incompetent and get power of attorney so that you can take over her affairs. Otherwise, she can decide what she wants done and there's not much that you can do about it. Doctors and mental health facilities know the laws in your state regarding these things. You might consult with some to find out what applies to your mother where she lives.