Care giver for mother in law - Caregivers Message Board

Butterflies · 02-19-2003, 04:17 PM

Hello my name Parris,
I am a caregiver I am 48 years old I am married with 2 kids 21 and 19 and 2 beautiful grand daughters I am a at home care giver for my mother in law i gave up a job getting paid to do my hobby for this... still aking why i did it but i wouldnt chave my mind if i had to do it all over..would like to hear from others in same.

------------------
Butterflies

Johanna54 · 03-25-2003, 11:48 PM

Hi, my name is Johanna. I too am a caregiver. My mother who is 78 now lives with me..2 yrs now. She has CHF, and is on O2 24/7....she still has her wits about her, and can get around ok...I feel quilty complaining to others, cause she could be alot worse. But I miss my independence and having the house all to myself..I miss getting up early to do my cleaning and playing loud music when ever I wanted. She makes me feel like I am 13 again..."Where you going, shouldn't you wear a hat, its cold out...blah-blah..." and just when I became an empty nester......So I never really got to enjoy having the whole house to myself...*sigh*. I have 3 grown daughters, 32,29,25...all unmarried. They help alot. I just wish there was someway my mother could just give me and my husband of 35yrs some time to ourselves....She refuses to drive, cause of the O2.All she does all day is sit and read. I just want time alone in my own house with out having to go somewhere else.........sorry to ramble....Johanna

Butterflies · 03-26-2003, 03:48 AM

Dear Joahanna,
Hello dear I sure do know what your feeling right now, and am sorry to hear about your mom. People have most likely told you what a fine job your doing and how great you are because of what you are doing. You of course are saying inside your head i gotta get outta here for a bit well am i right?
I am no longer a caretaker you see my mom passed away the 5th of jan 03 and my mother in law passed the 28th of feb 03. They both had copd and my mother in law had had a massive stroke and heart attack. please use my reg email and keep in contact. I started doing graphics on the computer as a way out for me and i still do it they are fun to create and easy to makeif your willing to try it let me know.ok [removed].com. write

------------------
Butterflies

[Please read and follow the board posting guidelines
as you agreed to do when you registered for membership.
Do not post your email address on the message board.]

[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 03-26-2003).]

Missy2001 · 04-18-2003, 12:58 PM

I know how you feel....my situation is a little bit different than yours, but all the same I miss the privacy, but we do make a point to go out by ourselves..."It's our night out". If you don't take time to do this, you "burn out". Can someone sit with your mom?

I think it's common to miss things the way they once were. It's taken me a long time to "adjust" to having an extra person in the house that's a lot like you describe....I think that's common with elderly people (or some anyway). Have you thought of doing a search for a caregiving group..I belong to an active group (too bad we can't mention sites here!) But try doing a search and find a support group that's active. It can help! Or if you'd like to vent or I can help, write back on this site. No one really understands what it means to your lifestyle....I too get asked "How's it going" and "You'll be rewarded with many crowns one day". It doesn't help how you feel inside.....What I'd like to do sometimes is tell them how difficult it's been for me to adjust, etc. etc. But I'd feel guilty doing that, so I don't say much...

Write back if you'd like to vent. I know it took me a while to find somewhere I could say what's on my mind and have those who is a caregiver in some manner understand....without feeling guilty about saying something.

Missy2001 · 04-18-2003, 01:01 PM

I know how you feel....my situation is a little bit different than yours, but all the same I miss the privacy, but we do make a point to go out by ourselves..."It's our night out". If you don't take time to do this, you "burn out". Can someone sit with your mom?

I think it's common to miss things the way they once were. It's taken me a long time to "adjust" to having an extra person in the house that's a lot like you describe....I think that's common with elderly people (or some anyway). If you'd like to vent or I can help, write back on this site. No one really understands what it means to your lifestyle....I too get asked "How's it going" and "You'll be rewarded with many crowns one day". It doesn't help how you feel inside.....What I'd like to do sometimes is tell them how difficult it's been for me to adjust, etc. etc. But I'd feel guilty doing that, so I don't say much...

Write back if you'd like to vent. I know it took me a while to find somewhere I could say what's on my mind and have those who is a caregiver in some manner understand....without feeling guilty about saying something.

[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 04-18-2003).]