Don't know what to do? - Caregivers Message Board

redjoy · 08-20-2003, 12:01 PM

My Mom is 90 & failing fast, about a year ago a dr sd to ck out nursing homes since it wouldn't be long she has dementia. I did & thought I had her in a nice one but they interviewed her & sd no. She is very convincing when she wants to be. She has failed alot since then & has been in an ***'d living but I know they won't keep her there long & she keeps saying she can't remember & is in pain & wants to go to the hospital. I took care of her for yrs, just me & meanwhile had to put her there since I'm also raising my grandson who has a chronic illness & I can't keep up. My question is is there anyway I can get an advocate to help me with all this. Most Dr's don't care it's just a money making thing to them tests tests & more ordering things like paps smear etc. I really don't know what to do, they called me at 1:30 the other morning saying she wanted to go to the hospital! Any ideas would be appreciated.

slaughter17 · 08-20-2003, 03:51 PM

Sorry to hear of your mother's failing health. Considering she is 90 and her health is getting worse. I would check out Hopice or home health care. If she can qualify, medicare pays 100%. If she has private insurance, it will usually help pay for it. With the combo of medicare and private insuance she would pay nothing. I don't know if you have ever heard of hopice but it may really help out. I worked for Hopice for a while and loved it. They will help take care of her until she passes. It is something to only look if she is not treating any of her problems. Hospice has a great pain managment team and will not let her be in any pain. Home health is a company that comes out and helps take care of her at home. Check it out. here is an example of hospice in our area.
Hope this helps a little. good luck and let us know what happens. [url="http://www.hospice4utah.com/"]http://www.hospice4utah.com/[/url] [url="http://www.cnsvna.org/home.htm"]http://www.cnsvna.org/home.htm[/url]

redjoy · 08-20-2003, 04:18 PM

Thanks for the advice but she is not at home, I did have her for yrs but have to go so many places with the boy & probably out of state. She doesn't have private ins or money & I can't help I spend so much on the boy. I called a place today that has a good name, of course it's not going to be easy & I have to do alot, they will send someone to evaluate her which could be a problem, I don't know exactly how bad they have to be. Actually it's not the home doing the eval it's for her to get help to pay the 5,000. a month. I don't know what I will do if they turn her down.

Kre · 08-21-2003, 08:27 AM

We had Hospice with my m-i-l and when she stabilized they pulled out since Medicare will only pay for 6 months total for life of Hospice. They told me to save the other 3 months for later. My m-i-l lived 4 years longer.

Does your mother qualify for Medicaid? If so, she should qualify for a nursing home that takes Medicaid patients. However, most nursing homes only take a certain number.

I know what you mean about your mother acting the way she does when being evaluated for a place. My m-i-l dressed tacky, acted dumb, etc. when we took her to see an independent living facility. The manager quetioned her ability to care for herself at all. I told them that she was putting on an act because she did not want to move to a place. Sure enough, after she was there she perked up and really liked it but she would always claim it was "Posh Jail".

redjoy · 08-21-2003, 09:33 AM

Well I have to get a dr to sign that she needs a nursing home so I called the one who treated her for dementia, waiting to talk to him now. I still have a feeling befor medicaid will pay you almost have to be dead! Somethings gotta happen I'm loosing it, didn't sleep last night & went to work this morning (have a small P/T job 2hrs 4 days a week) I got it for my sanity & also help pay bills for my grandson who's sick that I'm raising. I went in & the manager sd I made a mistake & sd I have to focus & if I need time off. One other time yrs ago I was let go someplace they sd I had too many problems. I resent the fact that she is doing this to me so many yrs while my brother lives a wonderful life plenty of everything & she won't even tell him when she goes to the hospital doesn't want to worry him! Sorry for venting!