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Old 06-01-2007, 06:28 AM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Belpre,OH
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wishwashy HB User
Mother of 17 Male TBI Survivor, Too much anger

Hello Everyone,

I have been lurking and reading the good posts. It is so not like me to turn to groups for help. But here I am!

I won't tell you the long version of the story, but here it is in a nut shell. My son was 11 1/2 when he was hit by a vehicle. It resulted in a severe Traumatic brain injury. He had to learn to walk, talk, eat, breathe and all those things we take for granted.

I dedicated my life to helping him recover and now what is left is this. People can't tell he is disabled by looking at him, he looks fine.. BUT. He has seizures, memory loss and many brain issues. In the past 2 years anger has been forefront.


He throws things. He ignores me. He yells at me. Nothing I do works. I feel like I am a totally ineffective mother and caregiver. He goes where he decides to go and I can't stop him. He goes to friends miles away and calls me to bring him "a drink mom, I am dying of thirst", and when I say no, he calls and calls and calls.. well you get the picture. I have chosen to ignore it before , only to get a call a short time later from wherever he is that he has fallen into a seizure. The anger seems to bring them on.

I want to fix this. I don't want to be treated this way by someone that I love this much. I am definitely being verbally abused

There is no where to go. He has a step-dad that tries to help and siblings too, but nothing works.

I'm sad about it.

Thanks for listening
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:22 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 197
aussie308 HB User
Re: Mother of 17 Male TBI Survivor, Too much anger

Hi, first off you are NOT a bad mother. You sound like a wonderful woman and mother. I can understand your sadness and pain on several levels. my oldest son has multiple handicaps including bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. When he was about 14 he started becoming verbally and sometimes physically abusive. My youngest son is 17 and when he was 15 he was struck by a car and recieved brain damage. He was very fortunate that is was not nearly as serious as your sons, but he has had some lasting memory, learning problems. I have a seizure disorder myself so I can understand the frustration that comes with that alone.

Your son is at a very tough age anyway. and having a disability that makes him different from his friends would be very difficult. Does he still see a neurologist regularly? Has he had recent EEG, cat scan or MRI? There may be something else physical going on that is causing his problems. I would also strongly recommend counceling for you, him and your family. You are not a bad mother by needing help. You are a great mom to reach out. I know I really didn't answer a lot of your questions, but I didn't want to make this too long. Please feel free to ask anything further you would like to know about my situations. I wish you the best of luck with all my heart. Laura

 
Old 06-25-2007, 06:19 AM   #3
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Toronto Ontario Canada
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EmT1891 HB User
Smile Re: Mother of 17 Male TBI Survivor, Too much anger

You are NOT a bad mother at all!
It's just a stage. I'm 16 so I have some insight on this.
I get mad at my mom some days just for asking how I am feeling. Or when she asks if I have taken my medicine I'll yell at her because she knows I've taken it. My mom is a little self-centred though and that's probably a part of why I get mad at her a lot {eg. if I have an appointment she tell people WE have an appointment and she go around telling people "I can't take much more of this" when she isn't the one in pain and having to go through all the procedures.}

Your son does truly appreciate everything you are doing, I'm sure of it! He has had to depend on you a lot {I'm assuming} so now he is just trying to be more like "normal" teenage boys.

Eventually this will all stop.

I hope things get better for you soon <3

Emily

 
Old 06-25-2007, 08:12 AM   #4
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wishwashy HB User
Re: Mother of 17 Male TBI Survivor, Too much anger

Thank you both for kind replies. And Emily it takes a lot of guts for you to say some of the things you said. I feel like you are definitely a typical gal.

I know a lot about the stages he is the youngest of 4. I went through those stages with the girls and I wish this was as easy. (although "normal" girls are definitely hard to understand at that age).

I was pretty soft on him in my last post because I tend to skirt the issues to protect him, even when no one knows him. I also have a lot of pride and don't want to admit that it is out of hand.

You see..the things I posted before are somewhat like a normal teen but everything is ten times worse (and that is no exaggeration).

Let me tell you the things that scare/frustrate/sadden me the most. When he becomes angry, it literally froths at the mouth when yelling, his eyes become somewhat of a madman and a lot of times he hits things. He has broken 3 cell phones (not just broken but smashed to bits) in the last 3 months. He breaks everything in his life when he is angry. He punches it, throws it and worst of all there have been people in his life that he has hit too.

Because some of the worst damage was to his frontal lobe, he has lost some very needed inhibiting behaviour.
Examples of this are:
Convinced he is in love and wants to marry within a few days of meeting someone (and this happens with EVERY girl he meets). The last and might be current girl is the most unhealthy situation I could ever think of, and people don't understand that I can't just yank him out, it has to play out. I can't even tell you how bad this relationship is, but trust me, the person/environment he is with is beyond consideration for a normal person.
Another example is the talking to people about inappropriate things. For instance he was kicked out of counseling for having only focused on sexual relations with the female counselor.

These are just a VERY FEW things I deal with daily. That goes without even mentioning the other normal stuff a teen does.

EEK.. I have written a book.. I'll stop..

Thanks again!
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trying to make a difference,,but nobody will listen

 
Old 06-25-2007, 01:29 PM   #5
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Toronto Ontario Canada
Posts: 16
EmT1891 HB User
Re: Mother of 17 Male TBI Survivor, Too much anger

Typical gal...I like the sound of that :P
And your right, girls are really complicated too

I really don't know what to say other than I'm sorry for everything you've had to deal with.

Just remember that he isn't doing all of this on purpose. He is probably ashamed of what he doing, especially to you. {You are already doing this but...} Just be patient with him. Support him when he needs it and let him go it alone when he needs that too.

I would be proud to have to as a mom. You're amazing, don't forget that <3

 
Old 07-15-2007, 02:29 PM   #6
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 197
aussie308 HB User
Re: Mother of 17 Male TBI Survivor, Too much anger

Hi, was just wondering how things were going for you and your son.

From what you've written it sounds like dealing with him may be out of your control. Meaning as awful and hard as it is to do, you may have to place him in some type of home or facility where he can get 24 hour care with people trained to deal with it. THAT DOES NOT MEAN IN ANY WAY YOU ARE A BAD MOM OR HAVE FAILED! What it means is you cannot continue to put him, yourself and possibly others at risk with his behavior. Placing him in a proper home means you love him enough to want what is best for him. At the homes my son has been in there are trained staff members and doctors on call 24/7. Even with a supportive family you cannot deal with this anymore. You are not doing him or yourself any good by being soft on him or denying problems. He needs help you cannot provide. Even if he resists going or has turned 18 you can have him commited somewhere against his will if he is a danger to himself or others.

Please give me an update and think about what I have said. You are obviously a very loving and caring mother/ woman. I wish you and your family all the best. And another thing to remember is none of this is your fault. You have done the very best you can for him. As sad as it is sometimes things are just out of our control.

Please feel free to ask any further questions you may have or anything. I will answer them as honestly and as well as I can. Laura

 
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