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Old 09-03-2007, 05:13 PM   #1
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 243
mmmcoffee HB User
My Mom died on Sunday, Aug 26

I just wanted to let you all know that my Mom died on Aug 26. She had had a stroke at some point before that and lost use of her left hand. On Sat , Aug 25, she had a heart attack. Thank god we were all there. My Dad wouldn't have know what to do. Once at the hospital, her cat scan showed a brain tumor which explains alot of her behavior over the last few years. We sat with her. All the brothers made it up from the states they live in. Dad and I stayed with her that night, let the boys go home and sleep for a while. I took my Dad home Sunday to shower and try to rest. We did take showers, but never rested. We were about to head back to the hospital, and the phone rang. It was one of my brothers telling me Mom just died. Dad felt horrible about not being there. We were only about 20 min away.

It has been a really long week. My brothers stayed until Thursday, and left after the funeral. I have not been working, and have taken next week off also. Dad and I have papers to do, insurance, beneficiary changes etc etc etc. I am pretty much the family secretary also. I'm here, so it's easier for me than the out of state siblings. This is the first night I have actually been home and slept in my own bed. Our girls and I were sleeping over Dad's house. It was too soon for him to be alone. The house is too quiet.

Over the labor day weekend, we had made reservations to go camping. We made them months ago before any of this went on. My father insisted that we go. He did not want to deprive the girls of a camping weekend in their new camper. I didn't want to go, but it worked out well. It was about 1/2 hr from our house. Dad came with us Friday night. My brother came up then took Dad back to his house and stayed with him that night. My Dad came back to camping and had a sleep over with us on Saturday, which the girls loved. Today we all got together at another brother's house for lunch/dinner.

Tomorrow is the first day of Kindergarden for our youngest, so now I guess it's back to normal---or as normal as it can get without Mom/Grammy. It will be hard, especially on Dad, but we'll make it through. Eventually.

Our next thing is to clean Mom's clothes out of the house. When Dad's ready. My sisters in law are going to help me. It's funny the things you find. When cleaning out her wallet, we found locks of my brothers' hair from their first haircut I guess, not sure. My brothers are over 50 yrs old. She carried them with her every day. Maybe it's wierd, or maybe just something they did back then. A 'Mom' thing. Who knows!

Thank you all for your support, advice and help over the last few months. It has been such a help to sit down and 'vent' to you all, knowing that you know what I'm going through. It always makes me feel better to type it all out. Thank you again and God Bless You All.


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Old 09-04-2007, 08:08 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: florida
Posts: 777
delrae4753 HB User
Re: My Mom died on Sunday, Aug 26

My thought and prayer are with ypu and youf family at this time in mourning , May God grant you the strength to get thru all this and may God give you peace and rest .
To live my life to its fullest and to put all my trust in God.

Old 09-05-2007, 09:27 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boise, Idaho
Posts: 159
rhales199 HB User
Re: My Mom died on Sunday, Aug 26

My heart and prayers are with you.
I know you're mourning and feeling the loss of having such a sweet soul nearby.
She is in a much better place than this, and has no more pain, and she is with God and his Angels watching over you and your family

Take Care!!

Old 09-18-2007, 08:56 PM   #4
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: slc, utah
Posts: 502
liz49 HB Userliz49 HB Userliz49 HB Userliz49 HB Userliz49 HB User
Re: My Mom died on Sunday, Aug 26

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. I have been so busy lately and haven't been checking the boards at all. I will remember you & your family in my were a wonderful daughter and so loving and caring to her. God bless you.

Old 10-02-2007, 05:12 PM   #5
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 243
mmmcoffee HB User
Re: My Mom died on Sunday, Aug 26

Liz (and everyone that responded)---

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. It's been a long month or whatever it's been. I've been spending lots of time with Dad and at his house. It's been alot of cleaning out, cleaning up, finding old things that we had forgotten about etc etc etc. We've found old newspapers, photos (of course), toys, clothing, TONS of stuff. And there's always a new box to clean out. Mom kept everything! We've been pretty much alternating dinners at either Dad's or our house. My husband has been MORE than patient with me. I haven't really been around much because I'm always over there. Good thing Dad only lives 1 mile away! The girls take the bus there after school, which Dad loves. He gets to drive them to soccer etc if I'm still working. They are his sanity!

Today, Dad was in tears, just said he "wasn't having a good day". I told him he wasn't expected to always have good days, and that I have bad days too and it's okay. He was prescribed something to help him sleep, but it only works so well. Helps him fall asleep, but he's still up at 2 or 3. He's even been sleeping in the extra bedroom, thinking that maybe he can't sleep in their bed because that was where Mom used to sleep. He's just heartbroken and I wish I could do something for him. It's when he's home alone, day or night, just sitting doing nothing that's especially hard. He went to my brother's out of state for a weekend with my future sis-in-law, I took him away for a weekend last weekend (he had a luncheon to go to) and both times were okay. He has a family wedding next month that my other brother is going to with him (he doesn't like to drive FAR distances alone, so one of us takes him) and the distractions are good. I don't know----I guess it just takes time. But how long can it take when they were together for over 60 years!?!? I can't even imagine!

But, that's what's 'normal' now I guess. It still sucks to go over there and NOT feed the birds or have coffee with Mom. Dad did mention Thanksgiving today....not sure what'll happen there. The holidays will be particularly hard. We'll just take them as they come I guess.

Thanks again for all your prayers, help, support and advice. God Bless You All!

Take care----

Old 10-10-2007, 09:25 AM   #6
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: slc, utah
Posts: 502
liz49 HB Userliz49 HB Userliz49 HB Userliz49 HB Userliz49 HB User
Re: My Mom died on Sunday, Aug 26

You are still grieving and that takes as long as it takes....and your dad will too. Men don't usually do very well w/o their wives, so I hope yo can get him invoved with a local senior's center or maybe some kind of service center--we had a wonderful widower who came to our elementary school 3 times a week and read with the "sloer" readers in the lower grades. The kids adored him and he felt so needed and so loved. I know it filled a big niche in his life.
Going thru a loved ones belongings and sorting them out and dealing with all the emotions that go along with that--it;s like a little death each day, but also it's a slow process of putting the last puzzle pieces of their lives together. You were and are a wonderful daughter and you can take pride and comfort in that. I personally have a strong belief in an afterlife so I KNOW your mom is still alive and happy, and healthy and watching over you and that you and your dad and all of you will be together forever someday.
God bless you.

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