Mother is Dying :(( - Caregivers Message Board

momma1 · 09-06-2007, 07:22 PM

My 85 yr old mother is slowly dying with CHF( Congested Heart Failure) and Kidney Failure being her second diagnosis. She has been diagnosed with this for about 6 months and has now been in the hospital for 2 weeks and 4 days. She just got out of ICU on Sunday. The past 2 days her appetite has gotten poor. She is a DNR ( do not resuscitate) Comfort measures in place. I cannot let her refuse to eat. That is a horrific way of dying. I'm a nurse and I've seen the slow painful death with it. Does anyone here have any advice? I've tried giving her favorite foods and nutritious drinks but she takes a couple of bites and says no more. is there an IV fluid that would take the place of her eating? I love her more than life itself.

Pat

cher1052 · 09-07-2007, 06:18 AM

Pat, It sounds like your mom is in good hands....your a nurse-you should understand what is happening to her body-it's starting to shut down....not a fun thing to watch esp. when it's a parent. My mom died of lung cancer July 07-she requested DNR also...but we all understood her request. Be positive-wet her mouth with a wash cloth-ask the nurses where she is at if a drip could help her. God's Speed, Cherie

miyu · 09-21-2007, 10:21 PM

my mom died at 44, usually they are in so much pain, food is the last thing on their mined. are you giving her crandberry juice? jsut thinking of food that might be easy to digest. can you try yogurt with flax seed? I really don't know waht to do. I have been there and I couldn't do anything myself. but be there with my mom, try and be her friend.

liz49 · 09-28-2007, 11:58 AM

At the last stages of life approach, you really have to step back and allow the person to let their own death be their choice. My daddy was also a DNR, comfort measures only, and when he could no longer swallow....we just gave him popsicles and let the tiny bit of liquid trickle down his throat. That and the liquid morphine gave him peace. He did allow one IV of fluid just so he wouldn't die during the Christmas holidays, and he didn't--he made it 45 minutes into the new year. In the end, as tough as it was, he hovered between this world and the next, it was incredibly beautiful and peaceful and he connected with us and with those who has come to get him. I wouldn't trade those hours with him for anything. It is hard to let go, but you have to. It's selfish to hang on to someone who has no quality of life left because we fear how we will feel.All and IV feeding will do is postppone the inevitable, if that is what you wish to do. Talk to your mom and ask he what SHE wants.
((((hugs)))) this is hard, I know. My heart goes out to you.
Liz

ibake&pray · 10-16-2007, 08:18 AM

Pat,

IF you love your mother more than life itself, then you will respect her wishes. If she does not want to eat you need to respect that. I just lost my father so I know what you are going through. But you can't force your mother because you don't want her to die..none of us want to lose our parents but that's life.

Make her last days as dignified as possible and as comfortable as possible. Give her comfort and peace and don't fight her so you have good memories of her last days....