How do you cope when your parent has depression? - Caregivers Message Board

Anne75 · 11-07-2007, 02:46 AM

Hi,

I'm new to all this! Suffice to say, I have lived most of my life with a depressed mother, I have explored every possible emotion in relation to this situation and the thing I find hardest is my isolation. My mother has lots of professional support and there is always someone running around for her (up until a few months ago usually me!), but who helps the caregivers? Where do you go to stop it from taking your life over? If anyone else on here is in a similar situation it would be great to hear your story/coping strategies?

Seraph · 11-07-2007, 03:57 AM

A couple of questions. How old are you? Are you your mother's carer? Do you have a life of your own? It sounds as if you are isolating yourself, there is no reason why you should have to stay home and not have a life. Or is there?

Anne75 · 11-07-2007, 03:12 PM

Hi Seraph,

Thanks for the prompt response! I am 29, closely reaching 30! Married, now living in NZ, Mum lives alone in England (how guilty do I feel!!), I have a sister who isn't close to her at all so most of the responsibility and support falls to me - very difficult! I have tried not to let it stop me from doing anything but it doesn't stop me from feeling terribly guilty as the "right thing" to do would presumably be to be at her beck and call and welcome her into my home with open arms - but what would that do to me and my relationships? I just feel guilty, resentful, confused, sometimes angry, it never goes away, I have times when it isn't such a strain but it's always in my mind, I just can't get away from it (should I even be wanting to??). Sorry I'm rambling, hopefully you get the picture - it's hard!

jdog77 · 11-09-2007, 12:11 AM

Oh my, thx for your reply, ya know, this is so sad, its killing me, we dont talk much and she goes in the room all time that im home, i tried to tell her this is not going to help the situation get any better, and i dont want here to go in there and not be confortable in my house, .. but, as her mind thinks, she is just making herself belive that everyonels is the crazy one,(full blown denial).. Im sorry to hear this about your mom, this sickness i just simply the worst thing i know, because , if you leave this earth with a worring mind , full of negitive thoughts and stress worry about the past, has to be the worst fate in life ever!..
Ever since she moved in , my focus on not smoking , and the strong focus i had in this program, failed miserably.. as soon as we had 1st fight i felt no choice but to smoke , and lost my touch.. i have agnger at myself letting her get to me to the point i couldnt stay doing what i know will help.. but i have the program in front of me and a desire very strong to get right in it and get it done, the program makes total sence. and is very important to my future. and ironicly hers too, because this program talks not just to me and not just to the people with these issue's but everyone young and old, and teaches the way to act around these type of people and how to cope, i just didnt get far enough into it to get it wrapped in my mind, b4 she went off the wall.. but i feel strong from it and i know will get bac into it very shortly... her is the #, they can send a free disk, that is a excelent eye opener ### 1800-944-9460 customer serv and ##1800-944-9428, ask for the disk(free)

zimavatar · 01-20-2008, 02:39 PM

I am surprised this thread is so short.... Sorry if my post is long read bold for short
Well I am particularly interested in finding care in NJ.
In the beginning I coped really well but recently I haven't coped and went a bit through depression myself. Ultimately I want to prevent depression from reoccuring. I can no longer multi-task like I did. I need my own life too.
My siblings, relatives and I have a bit of resent we try to hide... but patience is wearing. We feel taken advantage of. We sometimmes pay bills while she spends her money on $ store binges and vacations leaving her 13 yr daughter behind. We've expressed this and she has been corporative so it shouldn't be an issue but I don't want to take that chance.
goals
Find a program that would check up on her. -or-
At home nurse. -and- save my sanity

obstacles
1.Can I afford a nurse? Can a weekly program or nurse keep her cleansly (sp)? She goes to a program now M-TH but still has some issues.
She doesn't take care of herself or the house w/o nagging. I don't want the house or her to reach that complete foul condition.I'd like to think she can take care of herself but you have to follow up with her!

2. She eats A LOT. What if she gets a heart attack? Checking up on her may not be enough. I took her to the gym a couple of times but she QUIT. I would still feel guilty.
Proposition
Move out. Stay sane. Take custody of my younger sister.
What would need to happen? suggestions or programs?
I don't cope at all but I hope that these new suggestions may help me to cope. Please help