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Old 12-09-2007, 07:22 PM   #1
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Dear God help me do this with grace

Does anyone know of a caretaker's anonymous group or something similar? I moved back home in June to take care of my parents at my dad's request as neither of them could drive, etc. Daddy died in September and since then my mother has become very....needy. I should mention that I'm also raising 3 grandchildren (6, 8, 14). I know her behavior as well as my resentment is probably a normal outgrowth of the full time caretaker/child/parent relationship, but boy, I could use some advice.

 
Old 12-10-2007, 09:55 AM   #2
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Re: Dear God help me do this with grace

How about getting your Mom into a grief support group? Do you think that that might help her?

 
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Old 12-12-2007, 11:23 AM   #3
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Re: Dear God help me do this with grace

Quote:
Originally Posted by marycatherine54 View Post
Does anyone know of a caretaker's anonymous group or something similar? I moved back home in June to take care of my parents at my dad's request as neither of them could drive, etc. Daddy died in September and since then my mother has become very....needy. I should mention that I'm also raising 3 grandchildren (6, 8, 14). I know her behavior as well as my resentment is probably a normal outgrowth of the full time caretaker/child/parent relationship, but boy, I could use some advice.

I understand where you're coming from. I recently moved to Florida to take care of my mom. I feel like I've left my life behind and my mom is extremely needy. Additionally, my two siblings who live in Florida (one always has, the other has been here for about 7 years) refuse to help since my dad died almost 3 years ago (when things really started to get bad). I have fought incessantly w/ my mom but I can't leave her...I just don't feel right. It's hard. I understand you. See a therapist. I do. It helps to a degree...that and the anti-anxiety meds I'm on.

Good luck to you. I feel for you.

Last edited by TopamaxKillsMe; 12-12-2007 at 11:25 AM.

 
Old 01-15-2008, 02:38 PM   #4
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Re: Dear God help me do this with grace

Quote:
Originally Posted by marycatherine54 View Post
Does anyone know of a caretaker's anonymous group or something similar? I moved back home in June to take care of my parents at my dad's request as neither of them could drive, etc. Daddy died in September and since then my mother has become very....needy. I should mention that I'm also raising 3 grandchildren (6, 8, 14). I know her behavior as well as my resentment is probably a normal outgrowth of the full time caretaker/child/parent relationship, but boy, I could use some advice.
Hello MC,

How has your father's passing effected you; have you had time to process it all or are you the one who has to remain strong for everyone else?

Your mother's reaction to your father's passing could reveal a lot, for it seems that they relied upon each other for quite some time.


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Old 02-04-2008, 05:22 AM   #5
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Re: Dear God help me do this with grace

Hi Mary,

I really feel for you - not only are you dealing with your own grief, but you also have your mum and three little ones to take care of - ao much for one person to cope with.

I'm in the UK so don't know about support for carers in the US, but have you spoken to your doc about any local groups? Do you have something like social services there, maybe someone there can point you in the right direction? I'm assuming you don't get any help with your mum or the children, you must be exhausted. Do you have any friends in your area or are you completely cut off?

 
Old 02-06-2008, 07:34 AM   #6
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Re: Dear God help me do this with grace

Hi Mary Catherine,

What a beautiful name!

Well, it sounds like you are definitely a caregiver, raising 3 grandchildren. That's a huge undertaking in itself.

If your parents were together for a long time your mom is lost right now. My mom passed away a year and a half ago. My dad is still alive and is 84. They were married 61 years, grew up together in a small Kansas town. My dad is extremely independent and at once told me there was going to be "no hovering". So, I guess in that way I am fortunate. But, if it had been my mom who survived we'd have a very different story. Much like yours I'm sure.

I live in Glendale, over by the Cardinal's stadium, so we are neighbors. I am certain that support groups are out there. I would google caregiver support groups and see what comes up. I know there is a support group here for "spouses" as I've recently touched base with one. You can read more about my situation at "support for spouses".

I like the idea of a grief support group for your mom, but if she's "old school" like my parents, she probably won't go. They seem to think they need to get through things, not share their feelings. I on the other hand will take all the help I can get! Do you thing there's any possibility she would go on line, like this?

It's crucial that we get out, away from the situation when we can. Meet a friend for lunch, go to the mall and wander around aimlessly, go to a movie, even if it is alone. Do you exercise at all? I know that can be a good tool to help with stress.

I'm glad you came here as I see that there is support here and a safe place to vent. Hope to hear from you again.
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Last edited by kim840; 02-06-2008 at 07:40 AM.

 
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