Re: feel all alone..need help don't know where to start
wow, that's an awful lot to deal with so quickly and it must be even more difficult with the holidays, new year, and both of your birthdays happening during all of this. although i can't offer any direct advice, i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. a few years ago, i had graduated from college and moved to a big city on my own. luckily, my partner ended up joining me 45 min away in a neighboring city. i was so happy!!! and just when we each started settling in to our own apartments and first jobs, my partner started complaining of headaches. within a week, she was in a hospital unaware of who she was, who the president was, or what year it was. a cat scan revealed numerous advanced brain lesions and a team of doctors were working night and day to preserve her brain. she thought she was going to die. i thought she might too. or at least endure so much brain damage that she would never be able to return to even part of her daily life up until then. i felt completely alone, spending my days at work and nights in the hospital. it was a terrible and isolating experience. i reached out to some family by phone, but that was the extent of my support. i wasn't a direct caregiver at the time because my partner was hospitalized, however i did assist briefly at points and it took everything in me to remain strong and not crumble to the despair i felt. medication for my partner was through the roof and she hadn't opted for prescription drug assistance when she started her first job b/c she was so healthy. appeals needed to be filed to the drug companies. some doctors were not aggressive enough, so second and third opinions were sought out. it was a very emotionally and physically draining time that i was sure i would never recover from. when my partner finally showed improvement and was released to family, she barely seemed to remember me. it was so hard, but thankfully things improved, more than i could have hoped for and we are still together years later. now, we live together and i play more of a caregiving role. the medication she was treated with early on doctors say prevented her from living the rest of her life in a nursing home. i am thankful. and, even though she still struggles with many symptoms and is not back 100% to the person she was before all of this, she is doing so much better.
it's difficult to go through what you and your mother are going through, but she is so lucky to have you by her side. i hope you have a support network of individuals who you can rely on for support. i joined a church in my area shortly after my partner become ill and was diagnosed with a chronic illness. it helped tremendously. it was such a welcoming and caring community (more spiritual than religious). in terms of more specific assistance, there may be a cancer society in your area (or even nationally) that can provide advice, caregiving support, medical referrals, etc. also, in our case, we've sought out assistance from drug companies, charitable foundations, etc. when we've struggled with medical costs.
i'm thinking about you and am here for you. take care and happy birthday!