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Old 02-18-2008, 07:59 AM   #1
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gigrl HB User
Unhappy being disconneted from bp husband, please help

My husband has been on meds for 3 months, he is doing good. We have been married 9 years and have suffered through most of our marriage due to him being bp and refusing help. He says he sees now that he is ill and willing to do whatever he has to in order to be better. We seperated for a few months, he finally got help and now we are back together. My problem is we are no longer "in tune", have chemistry or however you chooses to label it. It is this way in and out of the bedroom. This is putting a strain on us. Is there anything we can do? Is this something that we have to learn to live with? Please help.

 
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Old 02-19-2008, 02:17 AM   #2
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Re: being disconneted from bp husband, please help

Find a way to communicate and make sure that you keep that VERY open. As for chemistry, if you loved each other once, then you will both need to move away from all the issues (like seperating) and decide if that love is still strong. My husband is bp as well, and it takes alot of work some days to just let him be. Our relationship has always been very strong though, so we know when to give each other space. There are times when I have to just say, "Honey, you seem a bit off today, everthing ok?" This makes him aware of his condition. If he can't pull himself together, I give him a little space and let him get through it. I wish you good luck. Also, give those meds time to work, and if they aren't working, he may need to try something else. My husband went through several before we found the right one.

Last edited by Tippylulu; 02-19-2008 at 02:18 AM.

 
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Old 02-21-2008, 10:10 PM   #3
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gigrl HB User
Re: being disconneted from bp husband, please help

Thank you for taking the time to respond. We are both trying to be patient, we have been in marriage counseling along with his treatment for BP. He becomes so focused on the disconnect between us that he is not seeing any of the positives. We are actually getting along better. I feel he is heading toward a low but he refuses to admit this and keeps saying its something else, ie he is getting a cold, he is tired, its not him its me, I have pms, etc. I asked him to please speak with his doctor and he refused. I feel lost and alone in my own home. It is no longer my safe haven and I feel less like a spouse everyday. I love this man but am afraid we will never be able to lead any type of "normal" life. Will our life always be consumed and centered on his illness? I am sorry, I guess I just needed to vent.

 
Old 02-25-2008, 05:04 AM   #4
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Re: being disconneted from bp husband, please help

Please know this about me, I'm pretty up front and it doesn't always come across as it's intended...that happens alot with "words", we don't have the body language, so let me give you my "body language". I've very relaxed and have open arms if needed...
Now...you said that he "refuses" to admit his illness may be coming on. That to me sounds like you "may" be forcing the issue. A simple statement and move on will work much better in most cases. Sometimes, just giving the "notice" and backing off will give them time to think about things. I know it's hard, but even with "regular" people, sometimes we have to pick and choose our battles. Much easier said than done, I know. When you've gotten "out of tune", it's going to take some time. You didn't get here overnight, you won't fix it overnight. Sometimes if I see my husband is heading towards "a moment", I will leave little notes around. "hi sweetie, I love you, always and forever". Or, I'll pick him up a card that I think he might get a laugh out of. There are many things YOU can do to help get back to where you were. If he sees that you are really going that extra mile, it may just give him some strength. I wish I had a magical answer for you, but there just aren't any. I do hope some of the things that have worked with us will help you. A good counselour is really in order here, but you both have to be 100% committed to it. Take it one day at a time my friend!

 
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