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Old 03-09-2008, 08:16 PM   #1
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Need Help

My mom is 73 yrs old and currently in the hospital. She had her thyroid removed in 2005, has COPD, leg arteries are completely blocked due to years of heavy smoking. She refuses to take her medication, eat and bath. She will fib to the doctors when they ask her questions about taking her meds or her health in general. I need help.
Does Medicare have help for people like her? I cannot take care of her by myself. I need to know if we can apply for disability insurance when she is living on SSI only. She just retired from her work right before her surgery.
I know she will hate me for putting her in a nursing home or have hospice care at her apartment. I know she will just go back to how things were before I had to check her in.
I live in the Phoenix area and wonder if there are agencies that can help?

thx

j

 
Old 03-10-2008, 04:30 AM   #2
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Re: Need Help

Hello albiesgirl,

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties with your mother.

It is important that you make her doctors aware of the misinformation she is conveying to them. That is the only way they can properly assess and provide a plan of treatment for her.

Please contact Medicare's general toll free number for assistance with the various questions you may have.

If you have spoken with the doctors already, what do they suggest?

Keep us posted and always remember if you ever want opinions,advice or general support, you have come to the right place.

Take care.

Phoenix

PS- As I always say, when in doubt, post it out.

 
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Old 03-10-2008, 07:05 AM   #3
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Re: Need Help

Thanks, Phoenix

I'm seeing my Mom later this AM and hopefully get to speak to her dr. Not one of them has returned my calls and it get frustrating listening to the nurses who are not commital.

I'll keep the stiff upper lip-

Hope to talk to you soon

J

 
Old 03-10-2008, 01:20 PM   #4
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Re: Need Help

Hello albiesgirl,

I hope that all went well today.

Take care.

Phoenix

 
Old 03-24-2008, 07:59 PM   #5
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Re: Need Help

Well, here we are, Mom's in rehab/nursing home and is completely helplees. I have to feed her due to her nerves are so damaged from not taking meds.
This place is really nice. However is it expensive. I've got leeds out there for financial help.

Want to know what she did on Easter???? She smoked a cigarette. The way she looked was like somone who just had a bite of food that tastes like no tomorrow., disgusting.

I'm ready- to give her a carton and lwt her smoke herself to death.


 
Old 03-24-2008, 08:16 PM   #6
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Re: Need Help

Hello albiesgirl,

What is really going on here?

I feel that there is more to it than meets the eye at the moment.

You are aware that it would not be easy to stomach; doing what one feels is right is not always the simplest thing to handle for the moment.

Maybe bringing to the administration's attention that she may have special needs would help.

Phoenix

Last edited by Phoenix; 03-24-2008 at 08:36 PM.

 
Old 03-25-2008, 07:24 PM   #7
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Re: Need Help

You know Phoenix, I thought that. Sunday I'm getting her ready to go outside and get some air. Had the aids help me get her in her wheelchair, oxgyen tank on her- then all the aids that helped us- told her "you've lived a good life and if you want a cigarette go ahead. Mom has become nasty towards me when ever I speak to the aids or nurse. I know this isn't her. She stares and doesn't want to eat unless I feed her.
Mind you this woman is my hero. She taught me how to fight my battles, help rasie my kids and now she's like a zombie. I've been going thru hell and I feel it takes every ounce to go and see her. Remember, she refused to take her meds when she lived alone so all this is a result of her stubborness.

Phx, thanks for you spending time listening to me, it makes me feel better knowing I've got your eyes and ears.

xo

J

 
Old 03-25-2008, 07:53 PM   #8
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Re: Need Help

Hello albiesgirl,

The aides definitely provided your mother with some bad advice.

No ,matter what life she lead, the possibility of endangering her health should have been paramount.

It seems that your mother has issues to work out that only she can initiate.

I understand the concept of visualizing mom as your hero but in placing her on that pedistal, it may be difficult to see that she is merely human.

Try going there as "your mother's daughter" which by definition entails love and concern.

Please understand that you cannot change her; only the way you react to her.
------------

No thanks necessary but let me say that you are quite welcome.

Take care.

Phoenix

Last edited by Phoenix; 03-25-2008 at 07:54 PM.

 
Old 03-26-2008, 08:56 PM   #9
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Re: Need Help

Phoenix1, You're right. I need to get past the anger that she let herself go and I will talk with the aids and let them know she can't smoke any more.
I will go there as my mother's daughter and sit by her bed and let her know I love her and will be there for her. As she would for me.

I guess I just got a little selfish and wanted her to still be my mom, not my older mom. I've been going thru testing for ovarian cancer and not having her as my "mom" is hurting on the inside. You know the mom talk that everythings going to be okay....The testing, and not knowing if she's going to stay in the Nursing home just got to me.

You know I was at work today and talked about you. How you have great "ears" and I feel comfortable in discussing yesterday, today and tomorrow with you. My dear friend at work is very proud of me for opening up and talking. She knows this is a difficult situation.

Sincerely,

J

 
Old 03-26-2008, 11:11 PM   #10
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Re: Need Help

Hello albiesgirl,

It is not ultimately selfish to want your mother there for you in the capacity she once was.

I liken it to a realistic "circle of life" ;parents take care of and raise their children and later in life are cared for by others.

The bond that you share with her will never go away.

Sometimes there's a thin line between love and hate due to the fact that they are both intense emotions which tend to "teeter-totter" from time to time.

Sort of like loving your mother, all the while hating her current condition and the way she reacts towards you presently.

When trying to understand a person's unique situation, things can become more clear if you attempt to put yourself in their place; on occasion.

Hoping all goes well with regards to your screening.

Take care.

Phoenix

 
Old 04-01-2008, 07:41 PM   #11
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Re: Need Help

After taking a break for a couple of days, I went for a visit with mom. What a mistake. As soon as I walked into her room she looked at me and said I just wet the bed. Now mind you she is doing this 3 to 4 times a day. When I asked her if she felt a sensation she said yes but so what She is almost defiant about this. The aids and nurses tell me she's getting combative when they get her for rehab. She refuses to eat, just pushes the food around on her plate so looks like she ate. To me if she's smart enough to do these "tricks" I'm not falling for them. I feel like such a fool that she's tring to get back into the hospital for more attention. Some days I don't even want to see her and the days I go I can take about an hour and I have to get out and breath. IF I HEAR ANOTHER PERSON TELL ME I HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HAS HAPPEND I'M GOING TO SCREAM. I think back just a month ago she was resting in her bed at home then finding a months' supply of her meds not taken. The scrips were filled, but she wanted to ignore them. All that ignoring got her in a nursing home and I have to handle the visits, social security, medicare her bills, her home that she lived in. If she just took her meds...she could be at her own home with her dogs, (that I had to take to the pound on sunday)

I'm closing now.. sorry for the rant.....

 
Old 04-01-2008, 11:58 PM   #12
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Re: Need Help

Hello albiesgirl,

It surprises me that your mother isn't wearing adult undergarments(something tells me that she would refuse anyway).

In your earlier posts, it was noted that your other siblings won't lift a hand to help.

Will they reconsider taking some of the load off of you,now that she is in a care facility?

If once a week seems a bit too much to handle, try bi-weekly and so on.

You seem to be a bit overwhelmed at the moment but remember that every problem has a solution; it is in dealing with the difficult that you will find it.

I believe that you already have a few thoughts brewing.

Take care.

Phoenix

Last edited by Phoenix; 04-01-2008 at 11:59 PM.

 
Old 04-02-2008, 07:13 PM   #13
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Re: Need Help

Dear, Dear Phoenix-

As always thanks you. I noticed that after a visit with Mom it's takes me about 2 days to start feeling "normal" again. I am not a bad daughter for only visiting 3 times a week. I'm not a bad daughter for giggling under my breath when they put thoses ex-lrg diapers, [oh, excuse me] "briefs",[as the nurses call them ] on her.

Tomorrow I will go there and try and be the daughter.

J

 
Old 04-03-2008, 02:56 AM   #14
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Re: Need Help

Hello albiesgirl,

Visiting 3 times per week can be taxing on anyone.

If my calculations are correct, you would have to visit on Monday,Thursday and then Sunday,Wednesday,Saturday,Tuesday and so on(given the two-day recuperation period in between).

From what I gather, you are the only family member that visits and it is said that the closer you are to a person, the greater the potential for that person to affect you emotionally.

I see nothing wrong with a little "giggle" every now and then; life is too short and complicated on its' own to be serious all the time.

Stop and take time to smell the roses.

Take care.

Phoenix

 
Old 04-07-2008, 08:37 PM   #15
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Re: Need Help

What happens to the body whne the will to live stops? I saw Mom today she had the nursing home dr's visit. On March 4th I checked her in and she weighted 185 lbs. Today she weighs 140 lbs. I brought her favortie meal and she took one bite and quit eating. She is taking fluids. I walk in the room and there she is off staring at nothing. She is coherant at times, then she goes off and stares. The dr and nurses say she won't eat.

Is she getting ready to go? She tells me she's in pain, but it's her back and legs. Osteoporosis. How long can ones body go without food? I read that people who are getting ready to pass on the first step is stop eating. This last about 2-3 months?

Anyone know what I'm to expect and how can I make the best of her days?

J

 
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