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Old 04-07-2008, 06:58 AM   #1
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Chipper92 HB User
Looking for others that are constant caregivers

Hi Everyone, I need a place and some people to relate to. I need some friends that will support me and listen.

My hubby is a very fragile diabetic with a huge grumpy attitude. Currently, he is quite sick with severe bronchitis, ear infection, and sinus infection. I know he must feel miserable, but he is so nasty. I'm exhausted from doing, "It all," bills, groceries, errands, live stock, running our daughter around, hauling firewood, going to the dump, cleaning, laundry--you name it, i do it. And I do it with a light heart. This weekend set me off into a terrible state of depression. I keep a huge To-Do List, and didn't even get half of it done, that includes laundry (which I'll get to tonight after work, dinner, dishes, homework). Hubby snaps at me for anything and everything. For instance, he's in terrible pain, his ribs hurt so bad from coughing for the past 3 weeks. So I suggested that he give his doctor a call and see if he would listen to his lungs again, to make sure it didn't turn into pneumonia, and to possibly get an x-ray of his ribs.

Seriously about my exhaustion. Last week i layed down in my truck during lunch time and slept. Hubby gets furios with me if I snore at night, so I typically sleep on the couch which makes him angry because he thinks I'm ruining it and will wear it out quickly. I tried sleeping on the floor on a stack of sleeping bags, but am way too stiff in the morning.

Anyway, i need a glimmer of friendship. Some compassion. I need someone to help me lift myself back up so i can continue on.

is anyone here?

chipper (not so chipper at the moment)

 
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Old 04-07-2008, 10:30 AM   #2
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Location: Boise, Idaho
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rhales199 HB User
Re: Looking for friends that are constant caregivers

Hi!
I'm becky, I am a caregiver for my husband, who has Cerebral Palsy.
I don't work becuase it got too hard for me to work and deal with everyhitng else (most of the stuff you mentioned), plus I wore myself out.... I now have a [permanent] thyroid disorder.
Just thought I'd stop by quickly and say hello, you're not alone, and let's chat...

one question, first of all, does your husband get medicaid or any other assistance that would provide for someone to come in during the day?? They could at least help with the cleaning and some of the laundry, and maybe even grocery shopping.

 
Old 04-07-2008, 05:55 PM   #3
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Re: Looking for friends that are constant caregivers

The caregiver needs rest the same as the patient.

My husband snores very loud, too loud for me to sleep. We found that Breathe Right Snore spray and Breathe Right Strips keeps him from snoring so bad. Also he must sleep on his side, preferably the right side to help reduce the snore.

Do you have another bedroom with a real bed? If so, sleep in there.

Tell your husband he has three choices, let you sleep in your bed or another bedroom or the couch. Ask him which would he rather do, listen to you snore or allow you to wear out the couch. Couches can be replaced but a wife cannot be replaced, that is, not as good as the wife he has now that will take care of him at her expense.

Spread a sheet over the couch and it will be just fine. I would not sleep directly on the couch, it does need protection.

 
Old 04-07-2008, 06:24 PM   #4
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Location: Vallejo, CA USA
Posts: 51
nerfmom HB User
Re: Looking for friends that are constant caregivers

I can totally relate. I have been my husband's care giver for many years. He is still able to do some things by himself, but I do most everything around here. I have health problems too and sometimes it is a challenge to get things done. I am retired, so I don't have to work right now.
My husband has multiple medical problems and is 84. Because of brain damage, my husband has difficulties in communicating. He also doesn't understand what is being said to him. I have to repeat everything several times. It is frustrating for us both. Luckily, all his medical problems haven't affected his attitude. He is still the same gentle guy he has always been.
I have someone who comes in once a week to do a little housework. I pay her $20 each time she comes. She cleans the bathroom, vacuums, etc. It is a big help.
I also drive my granddaugter to school 3 times a week. That is a pain in the neck as I have to drive in rush hour traffic.
One of the big bones of contention is meals. He doesn't like a lot of things, so I am relying more on frozen, ready made meals. It is a lot easier to heat something up and have it not eaten than preparing a meal from scratch and having to toss it out. Anything that is easier on caregiving.
The best advise I can give is to take each day at a time and if you can get someone to help with a little housework, it really makes a difference. We are low income seniors, but I would rather pay someone to help me with the housework than feel exhausted and frustrated. I have IBS and a bad hip and back, so I have to be careful not to over extend.
Try to find a little time for yourself if you can. Take care.

 
Old 08-06-2008, 12:34 AM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: seattle
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Ridesthewind HB User
Re: Looking for friends that are constant caregivers

Oh Chipper, you're not alone. There are armies of us out here. I began 35 years ago caring for my parents both in late stage cancers.

Most people tell me they would run the other way. I chose this field because I have been there over and over for my family including my husband when we fought his cancer. Caregiving is the easy part it's the emotional drain that we have to work against. Understand that you must take time to care for yourself. Yes, you may have feelings of guilt and yes the way you are treated at times makes you wonder why you must continue in this miserable way.

Hang in there Chipper. Prayers and love coming your way!
Laura

Last edited by Administrator; 08-06-2008 at 09:00 PM.

 
Old 08-14-2008, 01:04 AM   #6
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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Anita Porpoise HB User
Re: Looking for others that are constant caregivers

None of you have mentioned Adult Day Care, where I live they provide a handicap shuttle that picks them up in the am and delivers home in the pm. Medcaid, the VA and other programs pick-up all or some of the cost.

It provides stimulation for the elderly or sick. It is not run by caregivers, but by doctors, RNs, Therapist, etc. They take handicap that are on oxygen and having mental problems.

Contact your senior center and/or ask your doctor or a social worker about such programs.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 03:34 PM   #7
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Re: Looking for others that are constant caregivers

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chipper92 View Post
Hi Everyone, I need a place and some people to relate to. I need some friends that will support me and listen.

My hubby is a very fragile diabetic with a huge grumpy attitude. Currently, he is quite sick with severe bronchitis, ear infection, and sinus infection. I know he must feel miserable, but he is so nasty. I'm exhausted from doing, "It all," bills, groceries, errands, live stock, running our daughter around, hauling firewood, going to the dump, cleaning, laundry--you name it, i do it. And I do it with a light heart. This weekend set me off into a terrible state of depression. I keep a huge To-Do List, and didn't even get half of it done, that includes laundry (which I'll get to tonight after work, dinner, dishes, homework). Hubby snaps at me for anything and everything. For instance, he's in terrible pain, his ribs hurt so bad from coughing for the past 3 weeks. So I suggested that he give his doctor a call and see if he would listen to his lungs again, to make sure it didn't turn into pneumonia, and to possibly get an x-ray of his ribs.

Seriously about my exhaustion. Last week i layed down in my truck during lunch time and slept. Hubby gets furios with me if I snore at night, so I typically sleep on the couch which makes him angry because he thinks I'm ruining it and will wear it out quickly. I tried sleeping on the floor on a stack of sleeping bags, but am way too stiff in the morning.

Anyway, i need a glimmer of friendship. Some compassion. I need someone to help me lift myself back up so i can continue on.

is anyone here?

chipper (not so chipper at the moment)

 
Old 08-17-2008, 03:38 PM   #8
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marianne177 HB User
Re: Looking for others that are constant caregivers

I Am Also Full Time Caregiver For My Handicapped Sister. I Take Care Of Her 24 Hrs Day Cook Clean And Sometimes Work Parttime I Hardly Ever Get Break Myself So I Can Relate. Hang In There. You Are A Special Person. I Hope Things Get Better For You

 
Old 08-17-2008, 03:49 PM   #9
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Unhappy Re: Looking for others that are constant caregivers

Looking For Others That Are Fulltime Caregivers . I Care For Handicapped Sister 24 Hrs Day. I Have Few Support. Other Family Membbers Have Passed Away. I Have Few Friends. I Would Give Anything To Hear From Other Caregivers Out There.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 04:28 PM   #10
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rhales199 HB User
Re: Looking for others that are constant caregivers

Hi MArianne.
I am a caregiver for my husband, he has Cerebral Palsy. I do get time to myself, thank heavens, but I also know REALLY well how hard being a family caregiver is!
I'll be happy to talk to ya anytime

 
Old 12-11-2008, 06:15 PM   #11
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steffiegirl HB User
Re: Looking for others that are constant caregivers


hi everyone. first of all i am new here so i wanted to say hello. i have been a caregiver now for almost eight years for my girlfriend and it is hard. its hard to watch the one you love be angry at themselves, you and the world. she is 36 now and has a whole slew of health problems. when she was 25 she went to the er when she lived in oregon and tried to tell the doctor what was happening and she was having a heart attack but told her to go home quit crying and she had a better chance of getting hit by lightning. a month later went back to same er, same dr and collapsed right in front of him with a seizure told him chest pains and he believed her then. they had tried six times to bring her back life flighted her to portland oregon and she had died on the way there.

she had stents put in but kept scarring. a year after had a triple bypass and was ok then. then 2 years later when we lived in washington went to the hospital there and tried to tell them she had a blood clot she could feel it moving down her leg but of course didnt believe her sent her home with pain pills. she went at least 12 times in one month. january of 2000 lost her leg cause it was black from gangrene and lots of pain. now she cant wear a prosthetic cause of all the pain. she went from a 170 lbs before the amputation to 300 in just 4 months cause she cant exercise. now she has heart failure chest pains a defibulator to keep her alive and everything else. and sleep apnea to boot. so yes its hard to watch someone just lose it.

its hard to look after ourselves and take care of us when we do what we do. like a friend asked me one time who takes care of you when you are sick?? i said i do. im lucky though her parents live an hour away and her mom comes down once in awhile to help so i can have some me time. but i dont do it very often. do you have anyone to come and help you?? i wish you luck and im so sorry this is so long. once i get typing i cant stop. i hope it all works out. we all have to stick together.

 
Old 12-29-2008, 08:03 PM   #12
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Re: Looking for others that are constant caregivers

Hi to all of you care giver s out there ! I jsut wanted to say a big thank You for what you do to help your family stay in their homes.
I am not a caregiver, but have one.... Yep, I am 40 and have my family currently helping us. Because of mental problems , I need the extra help. I also am recovering from surgery too, and really needed a hand and extra support.
It is not full time though, but i apreciate everything my family does for me. Like the cooking, and cleaning, the laundry too. The pay sucks for a caregiver, and it is exhausting and often thankless job. However, I want to say YES, to those who benift from these services, they are like saints to us. Because many times, I would not have made it without my caregiver. Especailly when I could not drive, or cook a meal.
It is so important to have these service to people like me, I am not old, perhaps just stupid, however, when it is needed it is needed , and thankfully there are those with huge hearts to go above and beyond an average persons day
Thanks to all of you, make the difference to so many people's lives.

 
Old 01-03-2009, 05:38 PM   #13
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Wheresrunt HB User
Re: Looking for others that are constant caregivers

Hi Chipper
I started out in caregiving by taking care of my step dad and then later my mother in law. From there I went back to work as a full time caregiver. I have been working with the same lady for over three years. I have noticed her health steadily failing and with that her mental capacity is getting worse along with moods etc...yes I can feel your emotions as I am there with you. I love and care about my client as I'm sure you love your husband, as I understand you have your moments of anger and pure exhaustion...just remeber you are not alone. There are alot of us out there. It is important that you have some down time. Even if it's just sitting on your front porch to take a couple minutes to just be!!! Check into your husbands insurance coverage and see if you can get help to come in or a friend that can relieve you for a couple of hours. What you don't want is to get burnt out. Take care of you and know your not alone.

 
Old 01-04-2009, 12:52 AM   #14
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CA Gal HB User
Re: Looking for others that are constant caregivers

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wheresrunt View Post
Hi Chipper
I started out in caregiving by taking care of my step dad and then later my mother in law. From there I went back to work as a full time caregiver. I have been working with the same lady for over three years. I have noticed her health steadily failing and with that her mental capacity is getting worse along with moods etc...yes I can feel your emotions as I am there with you. I love and care about my client as I'm sure you love your husband, as I understand you have your moments of anger and pure exhaustion...just remeber you are not alone. There are alot of us out there. It is important that you have some down time. Even if it's just sitting on your front porch to take a couple minutes to just be!!! Check into your husbands insurance coverage and see if you can get help to come in or a friend that can relieve you for a couple of hours. What you don't want is to get burnt out. Take care of you and know your not alone.
It was helpful for me as a first-time person here to read what you and others have said on this blog. I've never tried to do this before, but I have been feeling overwhelmed recently with caring for my mom. I helped with my dad for 2 years while he had cancer and then when he was in the hospital dying, my mom was in another hospital recovering from a broken hip. She also has very bad COPD and the caregiving hasn't stopped for me since 2002. I'm still raising my own children and all three of my sisters moved out of the state. One was gone long before my father's illness; one moved during my dad's illness and the other left this December. I feel like the last one to leave the state could see the writing on the wall and knew I had kids so she left knowing I couldn't leave and of course, I wouldn't abandon my mother if I was the only one left here for her. I'm trying not to be thinking this way, but I'm so tired that it's difficult not to think this way. I'm sure my sisters don't really understand the burden they've left me with since they haven't experienced it. They also had kids well before I did and so don't realize the balancing act I'm trying to walk here with kids still at home. My mom insists on living alone, but can't manage much at home. I do her grocery shopping and help her at her home and take her to the doctor. My lot isn't as bad as a lot of you out there, I know, but I'm still just beat with trying to manage it all. She did finally hire someone to come once a month to do some cleaning for her. My husband goes once or twice a week to help his father who should really stop driving now. He's over 80 and just got a pacemaker put in. He's awfully shaky and has difficulty walking. I'm beginning to feel like this caretaking will never end (which is ridiculous, of course). Anyway, I was feeling overwhelmed and didn't have anyone who could relate to talk to, so I'm posting. I'd like to be able to vent with my sisters who know how difficult a person our mother can be, but I'm pretty sure they'd take it badly--like I'm criticizing them for not being here to help--so I'm venting to you all who seem to feel much the same way at times like I'm feeling now. Thanks for reading and sharing. CA Gal (a normally much more upbeat person)

 
Old 01-06-2009, 09:09 AM   #15
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lightinthehouse HB User
Thumbs up Re: Looking for others that are constant caregivers

Hi Chipper and all you fellow caregivers out there! You are all angels IMHO!

I've been taking care of others most of my life starting at the age of 19, now here I am 51. Don't you sometimes feel like a real dummy for doing what you do? Don't you sometimes wish that you could just run away from it all?

I get depressed and all I want to do is sleep. At least I am not caring for anyone but myself when I do sleep. Sometimes I am so hateful to the person I take care of the most, I fear that I am creating my own bad karma. I keep wondering what if someone has to take care of me later in life, and they treat me the same way. That is the main thought that straigtens me out for a little while

Then something frustrating happens and I think OMG, here we go again. When it gets to much for me, I usually go outside, away from the situation, and in a way, meditate and clear my head. I take small trips to places in my town...such as the thrift shop, wallyworld, yard sales, etc...love to find a bargain. That reminds me...gotta get to the store opening at 1...HA!

Anyways, I wanted to stop by and say HI...I totally understand what EVERYONE feels...I'll be checking back in with all of you...YOU ALL ROCK!

 
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