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Old 07-23-2008, 09:33 PM   #1
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Friends who just don't understand

Has anyone had to deal with friends who just do not understand the demands on your life as a caregiver to an elderly person? I have a friend who makes unreasonable demands on me because I do not spend as much time with them as before. Help! I can not take the extra stress!

 
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:39 AM   #2
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Re: Friends who just don't understand

I understand what you are saying. I was a caregiver for the past 10 years for my mom who just passed away this past Friday. The last few years of her life were very demanding with her cancer diagnosis. I would be invited (and expected) to do things with family/friends.

The way I learned to handle the situation so that I didn't feel stressed was to explain to them that "GOD had blessed me with the very important job of being Mom's caregiver. She is now my first priority. If I am able to get out for a short while, I would love to attend...I will just have to play it by ear."

Mostly everyone understood this and would still invite me to events stating they understood if I was unable to attend. However, there were those few
that just quit inviting.

You certainly find out in the hard times those who are truly your friends.

I wish you well and my prayers are with you.

 
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Old 07-24-2008, 08:45 AM   #3
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Re: Friends who just don't understand

Until a person walks in the shoes being a caregiver they simply will/do not understand.

Those of us who are or have been a caregiver understand where you are coming from.

God bless you and others

 
Old 07-24-2008, 04:47 PM   #4
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Re: Friends who just don't understand

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnCall View Post
Has anyone had to deal with friends who just do not understand the demands on your life as a caregiver to an elderly person? I have a friend who makes unreasonable demands on me because I do not spend as much time with them as before. Help! I can not take the extra stress!
OnCall,

Some just don't have a clue, while others are just plain selfish.

Explain to your friend that since you became a caregiver, your priorities had to change, for the sake of your new responsibilities.

Keep up the good work giving care.

Respectfully,

Phoenix

 
Old 07-24-2008, 09:26 PM   #5
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Re: Friends who just don't understand

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix View Post
OnCall,

Some just don't have a clue, while others are just plain selfish.

Explain to your friend that since you became a caregiver, your priorities had to change, for the sake of your new responsibilities.

Keep up the good work giving care.

Respectfully,

Phoenix

Thanks! at least I know I am not alone in feeling this way or having to deal with selfish people who don't want to understand. As a caregiver you have enough guilt worrying about your parents and making sure your kids get what they need also. It is hard to deal with selfish friends in addition. The sad thing is that I have explained this change in my life, just like you mentioned, but it seems this friend wants all or nothing. It is sad. I have resolved in my heart that my priorities are my kids, my parents, myself and what I can give of myself to others after that. I have to "tend to my own cart" now. Thanks again for listening.

 
Old 07-24-2008, 09:30 PM   #6
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Re: Friends who just don't understand

SherryAnne,

I am sorry to hear about your mother. I appreciate you taking the time to help others wth their problems as you deal with your loss. I think it is wonderful that you were able to be a loving support to her through her illness. Like you, I consider it a blessing to have this opportunity to assist my parents through these years of their lives. It is a very honorable thing that we all do.

Last edited by OnCall; 07-24-2008 at 09:31 PM.

 
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