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Old 08-17-2008, 01:55 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: dauphin mb canada
Posts: 4
ren77 HB User
Post suggestions needed and wanted

This is my first posting -so please be understanding if I ramble. MY husband has gastric ca and has been put on the palliative registery. I am caring for him at home-this is where I need help. He has no energy, will not talk, will not partake in any kind of life, has a short fuse, refuses any medication for depression or whatever. Any help in how I can cope or help him to accept what will be and want to spend his time doing things he likes instead of just sitting in his chair day in and day out. Thank you, his wife who loves him

Last edited by ren77; 08-17-2008 at 01:56 PM. Reason: spelling

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Old 08-17-2008, 08:44 PM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: MA
Posts: 3,559
SamQKitty HB UserSamQKitty HB UserSamQKitty HB UserSamQKitty HB UserSamQKitty HB UserSamQKitty HB UserSamQKitty HB UserSamQKitty HB UserSamQKitty HB UserSamQKitty HB UserSamQKitty HB User
Re: suggestions needed and wanted

It is so very hard to watch someone you love die, and that is basically what is happening now if he's on palliative care. He may indeed be depressed, but then...who wouldn't be? Also it's possible that the illness itself is sapping his energy and also causing changes in mood. But regardless...if he only has a short time to live, the only thing to do is let him live it his way. It might not be the way you or I would choose to go, but this is about him now.

About the only thing you can do is keep on being who you are...a loving and supportive wife, and take care of him as best you can, but don't expect much from him as he doesn't have it to give anymore.

You may want to find a support group for caregivers of cancer patients to help you, yourself, cope with this.


Last edited by SamQKitty; 08-17-2008 at 08:47 PM.

Old 08-18-2008, 08:49 AM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: dauphin mb canada
Posts: 4
ren77 HB User
Re: suggestions needed and wanted

Thank you so much -we both have the same idea but it is hard to live each day this wat

Old 08-21-2008, 07:22 AM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,884
cmpgirl HB User
Re: suggestions needed and wanted

Hi ren, I'm so sorry you are going through this. SamQKitty is right. There isn't much you can do, sometimes, to convince a loved one who is at the end of their life, what is best for him/her. We just have to be as supportive as we can. But sometimes there are people who aren't as "close" to the situation, like a pastor or family advisor/friend, who might be better able to help your dear husband to that there is help that is available, and it is OK to accept that help.

I wish you peace and comfort. And I hope you have someone close, that you trust, who can be there for you. You need a shoulder to lean on and an ear to hear your feelings as well. I'm sure there are many here who could advise you in different situations, or to just lend some support and understanding.

Please take good care of yourself. It is so easy to lose sight of our own needs when we are going through this kind of situation. And you deserve to be as emotionally and physically supported as your husband. Caregivers can't be much help, when they are down for the count. God Bless you and your family. You are in my prayers.

Old 08-21-2008, 10:33 AM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: dauphin mb canada
Posts: 4
ren77 HB User
Re: suggestions needed and wanted

Thank you so much for your prayers -just hearing from someone makes my day a little lighter Ren

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