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Old 11-23-2008, 06:07 PM   #1
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Unhappy still can't get husband to eat

Boy you were right abut good days and bad. It is a roller coaster ride and I am getting so flusterated. I try to sak the doctors questions but they just seem to poo poo me. The radiologist says he should be feeling better, the cancer doctor took him off chemo cause he had such a bad reaction. I thought the meds were to strong so we took them away and he did better a few days but is noe back to sleeping all the time and not eating. I fix him anything he thinks he wants and he may eat 1 bite or just stare at it and then sneak it to the dog. I spoke short to him today and then felt horrible, I am just so afriad that he is going to starve hiself to death. he will not take the liquid med to increase his appitite and i really can't blame him it is awful. But I don't want to be speaking short to him. I love him and I don't want to spend any time we have together being snappy. But what am I suppose to do? If anyone out there has a answer please tell me. I have tried to talk to the doctors to see if the cancer has just gotten him down that bad or is he just giving up on me. I can't get a stright amswer from them. I just want to know if he is going to pass this fast I want to be as good as I can to him and not be biting his head off trying to make him eat. please tell me anything you can. It will mean a lot to me.

 
Old 11-24-2008, 02:24 PM   #2
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Re: still can't get husband to eat

Chemo has a way of destroying the tastebuds then food has no taste.

Talk to your DH about the fact that even tho food does not taste good anymore he should eat enough to sustain him. He may not realize it is the lack of tastebud sensitivity that is doing this to him. It is not about his being hungry or not.

It is really his choice whether he eats or not. I think once it is explained to him about the tastebuds he will at least try to eat something to sustain life.

Do not nag him, do what you can to have food available, enjoy his presence for as long as he is on this earth.

 
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Old 11-24-2008, 04:31 PM   #3
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Re: still can't get husband to eat

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time but I know exactly how you feel since I went through the same thing with my Mom. I still say that if he doesn't want to eat...you really shouldn't try to make him.

As far as being short with him.....I understand that as well. It is very difficult to watch someone you love slowly slip away. My Mom did starve to death with her cancer but she just couldn't eat...she tried and tried but finally gave up eating altogether. Honestly, it was the most difficult thing I had to do was watch her die of starvation. But I simply saw no point in trying to force her to eat because no matter what I said or did she was no longer interested in eating. You must just accept that fact and let it go.
Just enjoy every moment possible that you have left with your loved one and
try to spend some quality time as well as taking care of him.

When a person has cancer, the quality of their life takes on an entirely different perspective. The things that were once very important no longer matter. What my Mom really enjoyed even though she slept most of the time was talking about old memories and memories of her grandchildren growing up.
We both enjoyed our little chats even though I was doing most of the talking.
I know that she really was listening even if she didn't respond. I will always cherish that time with my Mom.

I hope that you can find the answers that you are looking for and my prayers with be with both of you.

 
Old 12-01-2008, 11:03 PM   #4
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Re: still can't get husband to eat

Sherry thank you so much for your reply. I have gotten to where I let my husband eat if he wants to and I offer him food but if he says no I don't push him. He was in the hospital last week because he is having trouble with his heart too. The cancer is causing problems with his heart and the treatment for the cancer is causing problems for his heart. We are to the ponit that the heart dr. ask him to tell him if he wanted to be revived if he had cardiac arrest. The radiation doctor wants to start the radiation back but it makes him so he can't eat. I don't no what we will decide on that. But thank all who answer me it helps to hear from someone who knows. Also he just sits and doesn't talk much I ask him if he wanted us to see a counsiler but he said no. He is afraid to get up and walk to much because he falls very easy. I just want the time he has to be happy.His feet have also swollen real bad. Thanks for listening.

 
Old 12-02-2008, 01:54 PM   #5
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Re: still can't get husband to eat

I am so sorry you are having to deal with losing your loved one. I lost my husband to cancer two years ago so I know what you are going through. He's very depressed because he knows his time is almost over. Just be with him, tell him you love him and always will. You both will be in my prayers.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 05:37 PM   #6
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Re: still can't get husband to eat

Thank you. I feel so alone.

 
Old 12-09-2008, 05:18 PM   #7
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Re: still can't get husband to eat

losingtime,
How are you doing? My heart goes out to you because I know how you are feeling. Sometimes it just helped me to come to this board and vent.

Hope things are going a little better for you.

My prayers are with you.

 
Old 12-11-2008, 06:37 PM   #8
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losingtime HB User
Re: still can't get husband to eat

Thanks for your reply. Things are about the same.My husband decided to go back to rad. but took 3 treatments and is down flat again so weak he can't stand alone. I called the doctor and his nurse told me somthing else was going on that the treatments was not making him this weak. I But he was getting a little stronger when he was off them for 2 weeks. I don't know what to think. I am going to talk to his other doctor in the morning. I am truly sorry that your husband is not more helpful. He may just be in denial. He just don't want to accept that you are not well. It is just his way of not accepting that you can't do all the things he wants you to do. Hope you get to feeling better soon. thoughts and prayers for you. J.

 
Old 12-22-2008, 06:49 PM   #9
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Re: still can't get husband to eat

Losingtime

You are not alone honey. All of us here on the boards are your friends and support. Your lifeline. Grab hold of the end and never let go.

Someone gave you good advice. You should definitely tell or write your husband and tell him that you want the remainder of his time to be as best as it can be and whatever he wants to do is fine with you. Radiation or no rad, eat or not to eat.

Then climb into bed with him, hold him, tell him what a terrific husband he was. Tell him that most importantly, you are becoming stronger and while it would be hard in the beginning, you will be fine.

He's in pain, and most of all he's probably inwardly feeling guilty for being sick and ultimately having to leave you and worried as to how you will be once he's gone.

You definitely love him, its obvious from your posts. I lost my husband 3 years ago quite suddenly while he was on the phone with our son who was almost 21 and with my daughter upstairs, 7 weeks before she graduated high school.

He was sick for 3 years and I walked that walk with him although it wasn't from cancer. However, as sick as he was, he still wasn't convinced that he was as sick as he turned out to be and he had a massive heart attack.

You are in my prayers but really my note was just to say 'you are NOT alone", we all care about you

 
Old 12-28-2008, 11:12 AM   #10
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Re: still can't get husband to eat

Hello, I am new to the forum and am in a similar situation. I am a 24 hour caregiver for my 93 year old Mother who had 3 full rounds of Chemo (Velcade) beginning in August, 2007. Although our circumstances are similar, they are still a bit different. I read most of the posted replies and feel (and hope) they will help. Firstly, I am very sorry to hear about your husband's condition and my prayers are with you and your family.

Now onto the nutrition, Mom's doctor prescribed Marinol 2.5 mg (two times daily) to help increase her appetite, in addition she is drinking Ensure (and/or Boost) and Resource Nutritional drinks. These have worked well for her and may help your husband. Of course, please check with your husband's doctors to see what they may recommend or if this would be an option to increase his appetite because his body needs food and nutrition so he can get stronger.

Above all else, be sure to take care of yourself and never give up hope.

Veronica.

 
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