I am almost 27 yrs old, my brother is 30. He has a thought process disorder and Bipolar and seasional issues. For the last 6 or 7 years our family has been trying to help my brother with all of his problems. He has lied, stole, broke in to homes, done drugs, dealt drugs, been to jail, been on crack and lord knows what else, he gets hyper sexual, mean, almost has like a second personality and when he is not on meds his voice changes (deeper) and he does crazy things and hurts people without even thinking about it again. He has actually told me he doesn't look back. The lies are wild and crazy and just keep going. He once allowed us to bring him to the mental hospital but later convinced them he was ok and they let him go. Early on he was very depressed (in the winter) to the point where he wanted to die and I literly pulled him off the cliff. He had no confidence, didn't believe he could do anything, he thought he was a failure, no friends, etc. Then summer would come and he was on the highest high and could do anything and everything. He does very strange things. As time went on he started to get involved with drugs (I think to deal with the pain and emotions) and then thats when the lies, stealing, jail, prostitutes, thousands of dollars of spending and credit card debt, banrupsy, lending car out for drug runs, crashed car, "lost" rental car, I could go on and on. My mother, father (divorced), sister and I have all been going though this hell.
In a way I understand that us paying off all of the credit cards, debts, paying for his phone, shelter, food, cigarettes, does enable him, at the same time it is so hard to put him on the street, last time he wounded up in the ghetto, lost 30 pounds, and then ended up in jail ( although at this point I think that would be a blessing) My dad will not throw him out and tends to beileve the lies and make excuses for his actions. I know it is hard to accept his son having a mental illness but it's a fact and denying it only makes it worse.
At this point I've had enough, he was staying at my sisters, she was at her boyfriends and he stole my niece and nephews Nintendo Wii, gutar hero, games etc. Thier whole christmas, gone. He refuses to admit he stole them but claims they are "in his possession" even though they are not in the house. He lies and then believes it, i think. He's out of his mind and we have all had enough, we love him but without his meds he is unstale, unsafe, and scary. He went off of them for the second time in October 2008 he had only been on and off of them for 3years. He hates medicine (but will smoke crack). When he is on meds he is better. He can not hold down a job and has been a mooch for his whole life. I guess he's got it made, he does what he wants, when he wants, and everyone pays the bill.......... but him.
If anyone made it to the end, thanks for reading. Any help would be appreciated.
I'm sorry for your brother. It's difficult being disabled like he is. He didn't ask for it, that's for sure. But it's also not your job to look after him. Nor is it your sister's! It certainly isn't fair to her children that their Christmas was ruined because of his behavior. The problem with people who have mental illness like your brother is that they feel that they don't need drugs to be "fine", so as a result, when they take their drugs, it makes them feel flat, because it takes away all the color that they they have in their world with the illness. With the drugs in their system, they are just normal like the rest of us, and that isn't near as appealing..
The main problem is that for someone as old as your brother is, you can't do anything unless he is considered a risk to himself or to society and placed in a mental ward for a complete lock down and work up and over. You can't do anything for him unless he wants to do it himself.
Make a clean break and get away. Don't continue to ruin your own life for him. He doesn't care about you. You are just someone that he can just take from. Don't be an enabler for him. It won't be any help for him and any money that you give him will only be used to feed whatever habit he is doing now. the best thing for you is to tell him that you are done and moving on. As tough as it seems it is for your survival. You can't save him so you need to save yourself....
Last edited by ibake&pray; 02-14-2009 at 07:32 PM.
Thank you for replying! I was thinking that no one understoods or had any advice
What you are saying is true and I am trying harder to distance myself more and more. It's a never ending battle and I'm worn out. I do need to try harder not think and talk about it with other my family members, but it's hard when they call me to se whats going on and how he is or what he did. I told my brother that I am no longer helping financially or anything else. All he does is leave threats and crazy messages for me. I'm just struggling.....
Jaybee, I'm sorry for the chaos and stress you and your family have experienced. I do not agree with the other response to your post. What is needed is a GOOD, WISE PLAN. Your family should read the book, Depression-Free Naturally, by Joan Matthews Larson from Health Recovery Clinic in Mpls. She offers an orthomolecular approach to bipolar and health overall. Your brother may be able to function better with the right nutritional and other life supports.